Ronnie33 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 It's been over two weeks NC since I cursed out AP and told him I am done. As usual after our many failed attempts at NC in the past, I knew that after the anger wore off the hard part would come. This week has been so hard. I feel like a an addict in recovery going through withdrawals. I want to text him so bad. Why? Just to know he's still there. That's the sick part. I know that this feeling is all about the withdrawals from him but it's getting overwhelming. I know that if I text him, he'll answer and I'll feel like **** again after a few days. I know this relationship will never be enough and I know that I don't want to be a mistress, but I don't know how to never talk to someone who has been apart of my life, everyday for four years. Then I think "in those four years you have ended this and wanted out so many times". Then when I'm out, I miss it. I know rationally I'm missing the fantasy, ego boosts, validation, wondering if he's thinking about me, but I do miss him. I just wish we could be normal friends without all this mess, but I do know it's never going to happen. Anyway, I'm posting here because I don't want to contact him. I've said before, affairs are like being on a hamster wheel from hell. You can stay on forever and the only thing it will do is keep you in the same place. I start a new job next week. I'm excited and don't want him taking up space in my head or distracting me. I always let this affair distract me at work. I want to live an authentic life. I needed to vent. Here's to another day of NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rumblefish12 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Hi Ronnie: mine was four years and change too. I'm the MM and my AP a MW. I know exactly where you are coming from. This time around, we are at 3 weeks on NC. The last NC was 8 months. I'm hoping it's over this time. It's just a matter of getting passed the rough times. Vent here. White knuckle it. We're all in this together. It is withdrawal -- same brain chemistry as drug addiction. All the pleasure centers are screaming at us right now. "Bring me MOOORRREEEE!!" Those screams will fade and you'll be so much better for it. Hang in there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ronnie33 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Hi Ronnie: mine was four years and change too. I'm the MM and my AP a MW. I know exactly where you are coming from. This time around, we are at 3 weeks on NC. The last NC was 8 months. I'm hoping it's over this time. It's just a matter of getting passed the rough times. Vent here. White knuckle it. We're all in this together. It is withdrawal -- same brain chemistry as drug addiction. All the pleasure centers are screaming at us right now. "Bring me MOOORRREEEE!!" Those screams will fade and you'll be so much better for it. Hang in there.[/quote I know it's just the chemicals talking, but it is all consuming sometimes. My rational mind knows he's no good for me, but my irrational mind says "I need a hit. I need a Xanax, lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Transitions12 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Ronnie, Im back in contact with mine AGAIN. We met up Friday night and the next few days he made me feel like S$$T again, so I cut it off Monday......now we are back in CONTACT. I cant go without....hearing from him. If I dont , I feel like I need to be validated. BUT WHY? Hes a piece of crap!!! UGH. I dont have advice, but sympathy for sure! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ronnie33 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) Ronnie, Im back in contact with mine AGAIN. We met up Friday night and the next few days he made me feel like S$$T again, so I cut it off Monday......now we are back in CONTACT. I cant go without....hearing from him. If I dont , I feel like I need to be validated. BUT WHY? Hes a piece of crap!!! UGH. I dont have advice, but sympathy for sure! I'm sorry, I know how it goes, except mine isn't a POS. Edited July 6, 2017 by Ronnie33 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Hang in there. Post on here. Take it minute by minute if it works better. Make a list of all the things you don't like about the A. How it makes you feel why you want out. Look it at read it. I bought a small notebook and told myself when there is something I want to say or text will write it in there instead. Also read, articles, books etc. I've been reading about love addiction attachment love avoid ant lately. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 You sound like me, really. I can see that you just dont want to be in the shlt anymore, this was the sole motivation for me.. I am sure it will be the same with you. I went EVERYWHERE around it but not into it... however hard it became ( or it is)... I am terrified of feeling that the affair will majorly be a stabbing pain. For those highs I got, I rather smoke a wrong cigerette. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ronnie33 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 You sound like me, really. I can see that you just dont want to be in the shlt anymore, this was the sole motivation for me.. I am sure it will be the same with you. I went EVERYWHERE around it but not into it... however hard it became ( or it is)... I am terrified of feeling that the affair will majorly be a stabbing pain. For those highs I got, I rather smoke a wrong cigerette.[/quote Yes! After 4 years I'm so done, but then there's always that part of me that still misses him when it's over. The rational side knows I'm missing the high. However, it doesn't make the pull any easier to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 I wish it would end for good this time. Yours is a truly sad affair for the BS. That he cheated while engaged and then into the marriage. The marriage was fraudulent and she's been deceive from the get go. Very sad indeed. You need to not reach out and maybe, just maybe the affair will end. Since he claims to love her, he should go after another affair. It's for you to decide if you want a lifetime role as a mistress, because as you've previously said.... He loves her and he isn't leaving her. Have you ever tried therapy to guide you in breaking it off for good? Link to post Share on other sites
isolatedgothic Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Is it futile for you to think that you could be her? That he could be doing this to you, and she could be his mistress? Would that make you happier? I'm telling you. They have no intention of being faithful. If you research the reasons that married men give to their mistresses, they're all the same. It's like they all read the same book. You're in the throes of withdrawal. So am I. We have to power through this together. If this is what you want the rest of your life to look like, then that is your choice, but unless he has confessed to her, left her, and gotten therapy for himself and taken time to heal and know himself and why he has done what he's done, you're not getting a prize in him. You're getting a man who has no problems with cheating on his wife AND on you. Neither one of you are getting the truth. Let him go to the life he chose. Do him that favor. If it's so bad, he'd be out. Link to post Share on other sites
NikonRN Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Hang in there. Post on here. Take it minute by minute if it works better. Make a list of all the things you don't like about the A. How it makes you feel why you want out. Look it at read it. I bought a small notebook and told myself when there is something I want to say or text will write it in there instead. Also read, articles, books etc. I've been reading about love addiction attachment love avoid ant lately. Mind if I ask what book? Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Mind if I ask what book? They're not books on Affairs per se.. Daring Greatly by brene brown (about shame and vulnerability) Attached (about attachment our different styles) And look up Love addict/avoidant, Google it. Lots of articles on that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TBee Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Hi Ronnie33, I am new to this forum.....as of 20 minutes ago but your story totally resonated with me which is why I felt the need to join the LS family. I won't post my story here for now, I'm not very good with words, but I just wanted you to know that I feel for you and totally understand everything you have written. Keep on keeping on and we will get there in the end. My best to you TBee x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OWAmy Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Mind if I ask what book? If you check out my history I had a thread on literature to read for the Other Woman. The ones I mentioned were exceptionally good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Hopefully you are truly done. Hopefully you come to the realization that things will not change. I'm rooting for you and hope you are successful. You can do it. One day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I know this relationship will never be enough and I know that I don't want to be a mistress. This is the part you need to concentrate on and keep telling yourself. All this stuff about highs and pulls and addiction and withdrawal only serves to make you a victim and keeps you "wallowing". YOU need to take responsibility for the rest of your life and take positive steps towards it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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