Jl90 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) Hi, new here and from the UK. Sorry if this is long winded or too much detail- This might sound really silly to a lot of you, but over the last few months I've developed a deep infatuation with a guy out of a band that are quite well known here (played a lot of major festivals this year and supported/ are supporting some big names). My phones camera roll is full of photos of him I've collected from social media pages, and I fantasise about him all the time. I know everyone has these crushes, and I feel embarrassed as I'm about to turn 27 soon He's a bass player. I wouldn't say he's the most "conventionally" attractive man about, but very handsome still, but he just does it for me. I've always gone for tall, dark haired types, which he is. As far as I know he doesn't have a girlfriend (he said he was single in a magazine). He also comes across as down to earth, kind and intelligent from what I've seen, and like me seems the solitary type and has his own mind. What's getting me quite down about this is that I feel that I'll never get a man like him. I've always had problems attracting the type of men I want. I get told a lot that I'm a very good looking woman who turns heads, but I just don't see it some days. And I really wonder what it really takes to get someone like him. What does it take? For the past two weeks I've been brainstorming ideas of how to actually meet him....Erm, not because I deludedly think that our eyes will meet and we'll fall in love (lol!), but so that I can get this out of my system, see what he's like in the flesh and how he treats me. Then I can forget my silly fantasies and get on with my life and meet a real guy! I feel like I'm comparing guys I find attractive to him (as in, looking for guys who have similar looks, like curly hair, long legs etc). Another interesting thing- I actually lived in the city where this band are from for several years, and I could have easily met him when the band were just beginning to get noticed. They even did a club night right over the road from where I worked! I wonder why I didn't go, but I was far too shy. Am I being really silly? Am I an idiot for feeling like this? Am I deluded? Is this normal? I'm hoping that with time my crush will die down and go away. Physically and personality-wise he's everyhing I want in a real man. It gets me down that I can't seem to find that in real life. Advice appreciated. No rude replies please- I do feel a bit of embarrassment about this as a nearly 27-year-old woman! It could be worse- I've seen 40-year-olds fangirling over ****e boy bands! JL X Edited July 6, 2017 by Jl90 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Nothing will come out of this. You know that already, right ? Enjoy the crush but don't let it crush you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 He's your crush at the moment but you might meet a guy soon who will turn into your crush. Crushes can come and go. It gives you an idea what you really want and can be a major distraction for a while. You are not being silly; it's just you are stuck on him at the moment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 You're not silly. Many women have crushes. However, if you want something to come out of this you are going to have to come out of your shell & take action. My favorite way to attract a musician from when I was younger would be to dress, sexy, go to a smallish venue where they are playing (the club by your office), be right up front, dance & just stare at him while he plays. Do look around at the other members of the band & don't be creepy. Even if he doesn't initially notice during the 1st set, another band member will clue him in during the break. Do understand that you know NORTHING about his personality, except what you read in magazines which is meaningless. Upon meeting him, evaluate the man himself not his on stage persona or what you dream he's like. Also be really sure you want to date a musician: the hours, the women, the substances . . .. it's not a conventional relationship for the faint of heart. You will never have romantic weekends or evenings. He'll be playing & sleeping all day. If you have a regular job, that doesn't leave a lot of time for togetherness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 If you really want to meet him, you need to find someone who knows him who can introduce you. Or, you could find his Facebook page (if he has one) and ask him a question about the music. My son is a musician and he's actually quite shy. He would be a bit intimidated by girls at the front ogling him. He would probably secretly like the attention but not go and chat the girls up. He sees himself primarly as a serious musician. If he met someone quietly at the bar or through a friend, he would be more willing to chat. If a girl contacted him full of adoration, he would be bemused and not know what to say. If she asked him something about music instead, he'd probably respond. He would want to know why she had contacted him though. An appropriate answer would be something like 'You seemed nice so I hope you don't mind me asking about [the guitar/keyboards/whatever]'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jl90 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Hi, I still have friends of friends in that city who probably know him. But I wouldn't dream of contacting him directly over social media, even if it was a musical question- that's just going too far in my opinion. If i ever do get the chance to meet him, whether it's at one of their gigs or in another environment, I'd just say hello and have a short chat, no flirting, then leave Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 If i ever do get the chance to meet him, whether it's at one of their gigs or in another environment, I'd just say hello and have a short chat, no flirting, then leave In that case it's highly unlikely that your crush will ever turn into anything else. Are you OK with that? Fortune favors the bold. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jl90 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Sorry- that was meant in reply to the above poster- I'm no expert in using these kind of forums! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jl90 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 In that case it's highly unlikely that your crush will ever turn into anything else. Are you OK with that? Fortune favors the bold. I agree- as The Smiths once sang "shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you..." And so on..id just see how it went and how I felt around him If I was feeling brave I'd have a little flirt! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 I've had plenty of band boy crushes over the years, but fortunately I was able to meet them if I wanted to bad enough. Now, in a magazine he said he doesn't have a girlfriend. First, it's bad publicity to be coupled up when so many of your audience are females. I used to work in that business and it was well known to not be looking like you were taken if you were a hot property with the women. Because not all women are crushing because of the music. Number two, he says he doesn't have "A" girlfriend. Trust me if he's in a popular band or is cute and in even a local band, he doesn't have "a" girlfriend because he has lots of options and is keeping them open and has lots of girlfriends. I mean, if you're really in the top tier of good looking and you stand around where the stage lights are hitting you, there is always the off-chance that he'll send someone out to get you, but it's not probably going to go as you'd hoped and you might find yourself kind of used -- or not. The best tip I can get you is do NOT act like a screaming fan because those guys are actually frightened of avid hysterical fans. So if you're going to try, then do it by not moving around too much, not singing along to show him you know every single lyric, and not dressing like a cheap tart, although some guys like that, but I assume you're wanting some respect, so don't go overboard. Do not write him a bunch of tweets or social media or let him know you're obsessing because celebs have to be afraid of obsessed fans. They can be a real pain. I really just advise you enjoy the music but keep your real life socially active so it's not such a big deal to you. Probably no one has obsessed as much as me about various and sundry bands and band members, but at the bottom of mine was the music. If I didn't like the music, I wasn't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jl90 Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 I've had plenty of band boy crushes over the years, but fortunately I was able to meet them if I wanted to bad enough. Now, in a magazine he said he doesn't have a girlfriend. First, it's bad publicity to be coupled up when so many of your audience are females. I used to work in that business and it was well known to not be looking like you were taken if you were a hot property with the women. Because not all women are crushing because of the music. Number two, he says he doesn't have "A" girlfriend. Trust me if he's in a popular band or is cute and in even a local band, he doesn't have "a" girlfriend because he has lots of options and is keeping them open and has lots of girlfriends. I mean, if you're really in the top tier of good looking and you stand around where the stage lights are hitting you, there is always the off-chance that he'll send someone out to get you, but it's not probably going to go as you'd hoped and you might find yourself kind of used -- or not. The best tip I can get you is do NOT act like a screaming fan because those guys are actually frightened of avid hysterical fans. So if you're going to try, then do it by not moving around too much, not singing along to show him you know every single lyric, and not dressing like a cheap tart, although some guys like that, but I assume you're wanting some respect, so don't go overboard. Do not write him a bunch of tweets or social media or let him know you're obsessing because celebs have to be afraid of obsessed fans. They can be a real pain. I really just advise you enjoy the music but keep your real life socially active so it's not such a big deal to you. Probably no one has obsessed as much as me about various and sundry bands and band members, but at the bottom of mine was the music. If I didn't like the music, I wasn't interested. Hi, thanks for your answer Three of the other band members, including the lead singer, have girlfriends who they've been with a while and are very public about- pretty girls but not "model" hot. I think if he got a girlfriend he'd be open about it too. Agree with you about screaming "fangirl" types- it gets you nowhere. As I said above i think social media contact is very creepy. I've always been into my music, so it's very easy to develop a crush on a band member if you're such a fan. I have my own life- I'm a second year fashion student, go to they gym every day, have a part time job in a boutique. I try not to get down about my crush and just enjoy it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 I recently ran into a woman who was 46 years of age. She was still crushing on certain musicians, but nothing ever came of it. She let these infatuations impact her lovelife in a bad way, and I suspect she used it as an excuse for not facing her fears of getting close to somebody who was attainable. You may be just fine, but sometimes crushes have a darker side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
duncsvoice Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 My Missus actually contact a guy from a band she quite fancied. They dated for a couple of months, and apparently he turned out to be a right tw*t. The guy on stage was completely different from the boyfriend. So she binned him off, and met me, a lovely bloke who doesn't have a musical bone in his body! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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