Would an email or a call be best under the circumstances?

[SSun]

Tonight I got curious and saw that my ex wrote," I am carrying the pain of loss and my past and regret for the hurt that I have caused those who have loved me and who I have loved while on my way to being the man I am meant to be. I also carry hope, the capacity for love and a willingness to allow myself to be loved. I am excited for the man I am becoming and with faith I walk with experience and lessons learned" on his webpage.

 

I haven't contacted him in over a year, he last reached out (three times) during the most recent holidays, once with an apology and another time with a call and message asking me to call him. I never did. We had a messy and emotional breakup and it was incredibly painful for me. I am in a good place now but a hollowness has followed my healing. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him again but the 7 years we spent together means he became like family to me.Through therapy I sat with the fact that to some degree I saw him as a father figure, he is significantly older than me, and despite his shortcomings he never failed to push me professionally, often to his own detriment. I don't need guidance or that kind of support now - I've learned how to trust myself. It's been 2 years since we broke up.

 

If I do reach out, would an email or a phone call make the most sense? Also, as I don't know his relationship status, I think email would be best. If he happens to be in a relationship, I would cancel all plans to reach out. As a woman, I wouldn't want me boyfriend to be friends with an ex fiancee.

Edited July 7, 2017 by SSun

[PegNosePete]

Why on earth do you want to "reach out"? Especially after a messy and emotional breakup???

 

What do you hope to achieve from further interaction with this man?

 

Stop cyber stalking him. Just leave him alone and move on with your own life.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you want to give him hope that his attention-seeking soliloquy worked and that you might get back together? If yes, then by all means contact him.

 

If not, leave it alone.

[d0nnivain]

If you don't want to be in a relationship with him again, do not reach out in any way. Silently be happy for him that he's growing as a person but leave it alone.

[SSun]

I really don't know. I'm glad I posted here before doing anything because I thought I knew but after sitting with myself on it, I'm not quite sure. I know that I don't want to rekindle things and I'm not sure I want a friendship because I don't actually know who he is now or if it would make sense for my life. Before this breakup I'd never had a messy breakup and unfortunately this was my most serious relationship as we were engaged. Previously I met exes and we maturely talked about what led to our breakup and we were able to leave it at that remain friendly. Those two exes set a standard that I realize now is not the norm.

 

 

 

Why on earth do you want to "reach out"? Especially after a messy and emotional breakup???

 

What do you hope to achieve from further interaction with this man?

 

Stop cyber stalking him. Just leave him alone and move on with your own life.

[SSun]

No, I don't want him to believe that that worked. I mean it's uncharacteristic of him to post things like that publicly, so I knew he had a motive - thinking now after reading your comment. It was likely for whoever he may have last broken up with. I absolutely don't want to get back together with him, I'm no longer attracted to him in that way.

 

 

 

 

Do you want to give him hope that his attention-seeking soliloquy worked and that you might get back together? If yes, then by all means contact him.

 

If not, leave it alone.

[SSun]

This makes sense. I'm capable of speaking to an ex and really not letting it go further than that but my best friend mentioned to me today that it makes no sense to assume that he is where I am, just like it was arrogant of him to call me in the wee hours of the morning a year into no contact and assume that I had been waiting to hear from him. At the time, I really had no interest in anything but an apology, which I got - it wasn't the apology I was hoping for.

 

To get back to your comment, I have no desire to rekindle things with him. So, it's best that I refrain from contacting him.

 

 

 

If you don't want to be in a relationship with him again, do not reach out in any way. Silently be happy for him that he's growing as a person but leave it alone.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

No, I don't want him to believe that that worked. I mean it's uncharacteristic of him to post things like that publicly, so I knew he had a motive - thinking now after reading your comment. It was likely for whoever he may have last broken up with. I absolutely don't want to get back together with him, I'm no longer attracted to him in that way.

 

I have an acquaintance who recently told me he is purposefully posting crap like this on Facebook (I've seen it because we are Facebook friends) to try to win back a woman. A woman who has blocked him (and even has a PFA against him). Several posts a day that most people either think are "innocent" or maybe even directed at his wife (who is divorcing him because of PFA woman). But no, they are for his mistress. He feels his only way to communicate his "love" to her is through this public Facebook posts, since there's a PFA.

 

Honestly? It's pathetic.

[maxi105]

it isn't fair of you to get back in touch if you don't want a relationship from him.

 

don't let your ego talk you into potentially hurting this person all over again, because It probably will drag all the pain back up for him if he hasn't managed to move on from you.

 

some people really feel heartbreak so so deeply that the heart literally never recovers the loss.

 

if you feel bad for what you did, apologise to him if you absolutely must but then leave it there.

 

you have no right to know anything about his love-life or even mention it if you know you've hurt someone or treated them so badly in the past.

 

if you truly are sorry, then do the right thing and leave him in peace, I suspect hearing from you will open up old wounds again and how would you feel if that were you on the other end of it all!