Girl at work - Does she like me, should I do something?

[Libba28]

I would really appreciate some help with this situation. I will run through it as good as I can so bear with me!

 

I've been single for 18 months in July and went through a really rough time when my long term partner walked out on me. I was battling through by myself, going to work and really looking back I don't know how I did it as I was a mess at the time.

 

About 9 months ago I moved to a new floor at work where there is a girl that I'd seen around and definitely was interested in. Anyway, working close with her we have formed what I would describe as a good relationship. After a while I also thought maybe she does like me too. Some examples of things that have occurred have been her remembering little things that we've discussed together and bringing them up again later down the track, she will play around with me and play hit me or push me, one day I was sitting with another girl going through some work and she made a comment later on saying "you seemed to be having a good time with Laura before". She has come and sat with me or come and talked to me while I've been downstairs in the lunch area. She has offered me food too. We have been out for work dinners and she has playfully hit me etc. There's been many more things similar to all of this too which makes me think she may like me.

 

She is a quiet girl unless she knows someone really well, very much like myself.

 

We just seem to click with each other and to be honest I've never felt like I do when I am around her talking or just fooling around.

 

I don't know what to do now. The fact that she is more of an introvert definitely makes this even harder! She's been great to me as I've gone through my issues and I've told her that. I don't want to ruin what I have but at the same time I want more.

[preraph]

If you want to risk having to work with someone who either turned you down or you went out with and then she lost interest, then you can ask her out. It's the only way anything is going to go further. But if it doesn't work out, you're going to be miserable at work and wish she wasn't there.

[Libba28]

I'm not bothered about being knocked back or if things were to fail after a while. I am more questioning whether there are enough signs to show she likes me in that way. She definitely does not act like this with all males around the place and the fact she is quite introverted yet still doing this encourages me. I also worry about getting the courage to go through with asking, or should I bring it up with her friends?

Edited June 21, 2017 by Libba28

[Superchicken]

Why not just ask her out for lunch, or get something after work.

 

 

Let her know you enjoy talking to her, and feel relaxed, and find her easy to get along with.

 

 

Nothing wrong with that, and add the line that, if she feels awkward, then, you will go back to just being good friends, and wont bring it up anymore..

 

 

That's it..

No rocket science here, just plain Queens English, and some well thought out words..

 

 

You need to know one way or another. This way, you don't get anxiety in not knowing where you stand, or how you should talk to her..

 

 

Go for it..

 

 

Ted.

[Libba28]

Why not just ask her out for lunch, or get something after work.

 

 

Let her know you enjoy talking to her, and feel relaxed, and find her easy to get along with.

 

 

Nothing wrong with that, and add the line that, if she feels awkward, then, you will go back to just being good friends, and wont bring it up anymore..

 

 

That's it..

No rocket science here, just plain Queens English, and some well thought out words..

 

 

You need to know one way or another. This way, you don't get anxiety in not knowing where you stand, or how you should talk to her..

 

 

Go for it..

 

 

Ted.

 

I've let her know I enjoy chatting. Surely she has an idea I really like her, if she does then I'm thinking it's a good sign that she continues to want to chat and have some fun etc.

[Superchicken]

Surely she has an idea I really like her.

 

 

Your here for the same reason, and that's, "Your" not sure either.

 

 

So stop assuming, and get definitive answers..

 

 

Be the man !.

 

 

Do it..

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

Ted.

[Libba28]

Ok, there's a girl at work who I think likes me. Gut instinct tells me,not to mention everything I will go into detail with below. We've gotten alot closer over the last 6 months as we've worked together and really get on well.

I've never felt how I feel about anyone else before and the feeling I get being around her is amazing and I just want to always be around her.

She always has time to chat to me, she always shows interest in whatever I chat to her about. She has whacked me on the arm and pushed me in the chest many times playing around. She looks me up and down when I'm talking to her. She remembers things I've told her so long ago. I feel that she makes a habit of coming over to me if I'm standing somewhere in the office. The other day I was in another area and I was looking at her from a distance she couldn't see me at that point and I could see she was about to get up so I looked away from her, she got up from her desk and next minute she is over where I was with someone having a conversation and she was making a funny comment at me. One day she saw me from a distance go to do some filing and next minute she was where I was. We've had big work dinners and she has whacked me on the hand jokingly while sitting at the table. She is quite introverted when it comes to social things but days before I will say to her, "Are you going to the dinner on the weekend I am, and she will always be there. Or I will ask if she is going and she will respond with - "Are you?". I don't disguise my feeling. I make a habit of going to her and chatting daily, asking how she is, going over just for a chat and nothing work related so surely she knows how I feel? I email her constantly and she always responds.

From having such a good relationship with her for many months I know she is a girl who is shy when it comes to expressing feelings etc and that makes me alot more cautious with this whole situation. I don't know how to go about approaching the fact that I really like her even though I reckon she already would know. From what I''ve written above and gut instinct I reckon there's enough to show she likes me. Should I mention it to her work friends or is that wrong to do it that way? Any help would be appreciated as I don't want to make the wrong move and ruin this. The way it is now there is now advancement happening as I think she is too shy to make a move and I obviously haven't either.

Edited July 7, 2017 by Libba28

[d0nnivain]

Do not talk to work colleagues about her. This is your place of employment, not middle school.

 

 

Have you ever interacted with her outside of work (work dinners don't count)? I'm talking purely social.

 

 

Are you sure you want to date a co-worker? Before you say yes, do you know what you will do if you break up & it's messy? Until you have a plan to deal with that, don't start this.

 

 

I'm not entirely sure she fancies you as anything other than a fun colleague.

 

 

I'd organize a happy hour after work & invite her along. See how she behaves then. Perhaps get her phone # & chat outside of work hours. Find out how she feels about interoffice romance. Then you can consider asking her on a date.

[Notsure1]

I think she likes you!

[redglass]

It does sound like she likes you.

 

A lot of people advise against work relationships and, yes, they're definitely risky - but my fiance used to be my colleague. That was eight years ago.

Our relationship pretty much started the way you have described your relationship with this girl. I wasn't 100pc sure, so I invited him to a pub quiz along with a couple of other colleagues/friends. It was fun and flirty, so I extended a dinner invitation to him, and the rest is history.

But a small warning: we did have a month-long break-up a couple of months in to the relationship. That was pretty tough to be honest, and I didn't handle it well. It was horrible seeing him every day. I was very glad when the relationship repaired itself. I think you've got to be as confident as you can be that the relationship is worth the risk, and consider how you will feel or behave if things don't go your way.

[Libba28]

Sorry I have had a busy few weeks! Things are still going the same. We chat every day at work and get on so well. I feel a real connection there and all I want to do is be around her. I can't stop thinking of her. She must know how I feel given I am always around her and always thinking of excuses to be around her. The thought of her knowing that I like her excites me so much. I really don't want to ruin it by making the wrong move. Should I ask her out for lunch one day at work? I don't want to come on too strongly and scare her.

[d0nnivain]

Having lunch with a work colleague is just as non descript & meaningless as talking to them in the office proper. But it's a start. Understand she will assume it's platonic & she will expect to pay for her own lunch. Let her pay for her lunch & you pay for yours. Do not try to treat her. It is not a date & trying to make it one will be the wrong move because right now I see very little to indicate that she thinks you two are anything more than colleagues.

 

I meant what I said about you organizing an after work happy hour or honing in on one that somebody else put together. Make sure she attends & chat with her in that setting. In that context you can better feel if there's something romantic there.

 

Now for all we know she could simply be a kind soul who speaks nicely to all co-workers while you are a love sick puppy.

 

Proceed with caution.

[preraph]

I have to say that a woman who goes around hitting guys playfully is anything but an introvert, so if you're thinking she's shy or something, she's not. Like Donnivain suggested, get a few people to happy hour and sit by her, see what happens and maybe ask her out if it goes well and she doesn't pay more attention to someone else.

[Libba28]

She is an amazing girl and whenever I am with her I feel so calm and in such a good place.

 

I'm just going to have to ask her out for lunch one day as difficult as I might find it. I am at a stage now where I want to get on with my life and I need to know what's happening between us, are we good friends or something more.

 

I've come so far as a person over the last 12 months after a painful breakup of a long term relationship. I am so much more confident and a different and much better person.

[d0nnivain]

I'm just going to have to ask her out for lunch one day as difficult as I might find it. I am at a stage now where I want to get on with my life and I need to know what's happening between us, are we good friends or something more.

 

I've come so far as a person over the last 12 months after a painful breakup of a long term relationship. I am so much more confident and a different and much better person.

 

Congrats on the progress & the healing. I understand you need to know if there is potential here, if you are friends or something more. However, you are not going to find that out during a workday lunch. It's the wrong setting & it screams that you have poor boundaries. In the face of poor boundaries she'd be nuts to date a work colleague because there would be too much potential to jeopardize her job if things went wrong. If you can apply some sense & decorum to this, your odds of mixing business & pleasure increase.

 

Do have lunch with her but only as a means to determine if she will be open to doing something with you AFTER work.

[elaine567]

Is she "single", ie unattached?

All this thinking on your part will be purely academic if she has a bf lurking in the wings.

[jkeefer928]

I, too, think you should ask her out if you really like her. But, tbh, from what you describe I wouldn't necessarily assume that she likes you for more than a friend. The behavior you are describing is quite common between work colleagues of the opposite sex, particularly when the job is boring. Friendly gestures and even some flirting are a way to bond with a colleague and can help one get through a stressful work day.

 

Now, I may be something of a flirt, but I work with mostly guys (about 20 or so) and I engage in the behavior you've described with all of them, whether I even like them or not. In fact, tbh what you describe is mild in comparison. I couldn't imagine not having some fun at work and just being serious and formal with everyone all day.

 

But at any rate, I say go for it, because that's the only way to truly find out her feelings.

[Libba28]

No, the lunch would not be anything more than a start. I certainly won't be coming straight out with my feelings.

As far as the flirting goes, I wouldn't think anything of it either but the fact there are so many other guys of a similar age and I'm the only one that gets that treatment makes me think this.

[d0nnivain]

Have lunch with her & test your theory by trying to get her to do something after work with you next

[Libba28]

Haven't had a chance to test my theory yet due to being away from work but one more thing, why does she hold eye contact and then every 10 seconds or so will glance down at my belt?

Edited August 25, 2017 by Libba28