Ever need to distance yourself from a family member

[Chilli]

l'm the master of creating my own space, always have been, even when l was little. l've always liked my space and l choose who l let into it and have around it or into my life.

lf l need to block someone out l do it or if l don't wanna get involved l don't, if l don't wanna talk to someone too much , phone whatever l just don't.

And the same with different crowds or family or whoever.

 

But l have a sister and , this one is challenging even my mastery but the truth is , l just don't want her in my life or around it.

Look , tbh , she's a good sister, a good person really too. But she has things, issues , ways, l've just never liked.

Also , she's 49 and has been single her whole life where as l was always married , had my family or a relationship before. l'm divorced now.

l know why she's never held a relationship down, l can see it and l know why l don't really enjoy talking to her or being around her too much, even though as l say , really she's ok , yaknow , really.

Thing is , l live 3hours from most of my family, there's only one brother 20mins over up here and here and he loves having everyone up so l just drop into his place and catch any of them l feel like catching up with , good system , works well. And that way l still keep my place and life pretty well separate.

 

Well , the sister has bought an old building just over from the brothers place and only 2omins over from me. She only comes up on the wkends so far but she's talking about moving up full time next yr.

l know she wants to be close to us and l know she wants to escape the city and separate herself a bit form the rest of the family down there , got a huge family, l get it.

but since she bought this place she's always texting me if she's coming up and when she is she's inviting me over and always ringing and suddenly trying to be in my life, my world , what use to be my safe haven up here.

Turns up at my place.

She's very sociable because she's never had a lasting relationship so she has dozens of people coming up all the time anyway, don't even know why she needs to be bugging me. Hangin out with my sister just isn't my thing, especially going out to pubs and stuff, which she's always bugging me to do now. l know to she thinks oh , he's single now, finally, after all these years, l can get out to these country pubs with him and meet guys. But l'm just not interested and l certainly don't wanna get mixed up in any of her love lives.

l've normally only seen her a few hours once a yr if that anyway.

But suddenly she's everywhere and up here in my world.

 

l don;t wanna hurt her feelings , she's really done nothing wrong but she's just not the sort of person l want in my life , never has been.

But l tell ya, all my usual tricks that have blocked even the most persistent over the years, for the first time ever, just aren't working with her.

 

Any ideas on how to handle this.

Edited July 7, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

My own life is not simple right now either,

l'm trying to re build after divorce,l've only just bought this house, had gf hassles , just don't need any bs right now, y'know.

 

l have made the effort to turn up over there for a few parties and stuff, l've hoped that'll be enough , but she's on my phone more than ever.

Edited July 7, 2017 by Chilli

[hammyy2k]

sorry never imagine that i would cut off any blood relation

 

i have some experience with an uncle who was not very kind to me or my mother in my childhood (you still have a good sister), didn't talk to him for a long time as a child, but eventually understood had to make peace with him, he too positively replied, we dont speak much but he greets me and feels happy when i visit him and thts abt it.

 

he is also not doing well financially so i hope if i have resources would do everything to help him out in the future.

 

friends came and went, they come again but blood relations are always present cant be avoided and its not being very nice/clever ever.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Tell her you're sober?

 

Seriously, though, I'm currently on the receiving end of being completely banished from a relative's life for no reason other than the fact I believe in God (I'm not in any way an evangelist lol) and it's hurtful for many, many reasons. (This person is not altogether emotionally and mentally healthy right now).

 

Don't completely cut a relative out of your life over something as simple as "I don't want to hang out with her." It's rude and hurtful. Nothing at all wrong with setting up boundaries once she lives there permanently, though. If she gets her panties in a twist about it, that's on her. Hopefully she will understand you didn't ask for a drastic change to your life.

[Chilli]

Ahh it's not cutting off a banish thing, just back to usual would be nice.

 

Sorry about your sitch CO.

My families huge , 12 , we all just see the few we click with these days anyway although yeah l've always been my own person much moreso than the others.

The brother that lives up here and l have a good thing , it's just easy and not in your face, we talk easy and hassle free, we'll call up anytime for a beer or see what's happening.

 

Most of the sisters in my family are totally different to the boys though or any women l know or ex, and all strung out high maintenance types, just not my thing.

This one ,she's ok like l said , but no one like anyone l'd usually be around much.

 

But yeah , gonna take time l guess, with a bit of creativity thrown in haha.

3 messages on my damn phone right now, comin over for a wine, sh@t. !!!!!!!!!!!!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

3 messages on my damn phone right now, comin over for a wine, sh@t. !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ha! I would not deal well with that either Chilli. I love my alone time when I've set out to it!

[amaysngrace]

Be direct and be yourself and tell her she annoys you.

 

There's nothing worse than being misled into thinking that people care for you when they don't all because they didn't have enough decency to be honest.

[preraph]

Just tell her you're too busy, but do go see her once maybe every 3 months.

[Chilli]

Yeah, that's my usual thing Preraph and people usually figure out l just like more space than most.

Unless l just plain don't like someone then things get a bit more direct if needed.

 

But it can take time if they basically good people and so you don't really wanna hurt their feelings, sorta the case with sister.

She's got a good heart this one she's just much more a people person than most.

Wish she'd go get married or somem but that ain't gonna happen .

 

Keep training l suppose.

Edited July 8, 2017 by Chilli

[whichwayisup]

She's got a good heart this one she's just much more a people person than most.

 

Lead in with this, that way you don't hurt her feelings. Tell her that you love her and are glad she's your sister but she's an extrovert and you're an introvert, that you need your space and time alone. she hasn't done anything wrong to you, you say she's got a good heart so it's not like she's mean or nasty.

[Chilli]

Ha, l wonder if it does make me an introvert, well of sorts. l'm an out going person, not shy , can be the party but , yep l like my space too and not too much family.

 

Unfortunately, not a good wkend.

5-6 text all up , she also dropped over once, and invited me first to one thing on Sunday and when l said l;'ve got stuff on she later invited me and my daughter to something else, on Sunday.

 

l've just bought this house after being divorced, but l'm seriously thinking of moving.

when she moves up next yr ,1/2 the family will be up here at any one time with her, as well as her , the moons looking pretty good right now.