bct2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 If you have been confused on if you should stay or go for over three years and one of the reasons you do not go is because you care about your spouse and do not want to hurt them is that a signal that you have deep feelings for this person and maybe you should not leave. For some it is an easy decision you make it and leave and go on with your life but if you are stuck in the middle and there is no major things like affairs, physical abuse would you steer towards not leaving because you should not give up on marriage so easily. Also if someone says that affairs and physical abuse are low standards to measure by then why do therapist use these measures for the few times they would suggest divorce? If it pains you to leave your wife and causes great stress is that a sign maybe it is not time to leave? One of the things that is making me hurry up with decision is I am 37 and spouse is 39 and I do not want to waste anymore of her years. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedDad Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 If I were you, I would work on my marriage. There will always be good times and bad. If nothing "major" has occurred, I believe you should work through the bad times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Guzzard Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 I agree with BetrayedDad. If the foundation is solid then work on the marriage. All of us go through good, average, and bad times at various points and caused by various life factors. In a committed, loving marriage it is my feeling that it wrong, it is grass is greener syndrome, and it is cowardly to just end it with no effort. Life - let alone marriage - has many good and bad times through out it and you just don't through in the towel on a generally good thing all the time... well, some do, but some of the best things in life come by working at them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 If you have been confused on if you should stay or go for over three years and one of the reasons you do not go is because you care about your spouse and do not want to hurt them is that a signal that you have deep feelings for this person and maybe you should not leave. More likely it is a sign that you're co-dependent and scared of stepping out of your comfort zone. Also if someone says that affairs and physical abuse are low standards to measure by then why do therapist use these measures for the few times they would suggest divorce? I'm not sure I understand your question? When something is a "low standard to measure by" it means it's bad, and you shouldn't judge that something is good, just because it is better than an affair or abuse. Therapists suggest divorce in these cases because they are 2 of the most irreconcilable issues. If it pains you to leave your wife and causes great stress is that a sign maybe it is not time to leave? Repeat of the 1st question. No, it's a sign of co-dependency and fear of change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 You don't sound like you love your wife. For once, there is finally someone who is being honest about letting their wife find happiness while she is still young enough to find someone better. I respect that. Be direct with her and give her time to process it. Maybe with luck, she already has another man in her life that she can allow to love her the way she deserves. An amicable divorce is the best option. Link to post Share on other sites
Guzzard Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 one of the reasons you do not go is because you care about your spouse ... there is no major things like affairs, physical abuse would you steer towards not leaving because you should not give up on marriage so easily. These are the words that made me suggest working on the marriage. Emotions obviously don't come across in forums, but if you do care about your spouse, there are no major relationship issues then what exactly is the problem? For many people relationships and marriages are just disposable. In marriage, no matter your beliefs, you made a promise to each other. If you have not done the actions to live up to that promise, then it is my belief that you should. Counseling? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Yeah l'd love to know what the actual problems are too. Because yeah sure it might be some dependent thing but so what what married couple aren't at least some that's perfectly natural. But it could be you still love her too. or could love her again if you stick around and work on it. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Ambivalence indicates there isn't a clear positive to the relationship, and if that continues, it really means a NO, IMO. Ambivalent people who stay may fear change, or be uncomfortable facing the fact that they may be alone - so it could be codependency. So, anything less than an clear desire to stay, is a good reason to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
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