Unwanted outcome of NC

[Rachel_29]

I always thought that there were two possible outcomes of NC.

 

1) You never hear from him again, forget about him and move on.

 

2) He realizes he made a mistake, contacts you and asks for a second chance.

 

As I convinced myself that getting better was the goal, and not getting him back, I figured NC was a win-win situation. Either way I would feel better eventually.

 

Well, it`s been one year since he broke up with me, 6 months of NC, but neither of the two has come true.

 

In the last 6 months he has contacted me various times, via text, phone, email and lately through a friend of mine.

 

He has never though said that he wants me back, but always tells me that he really cares about me and would love to be friends.

 

Now I dont know what to do. I guess his wanting to be friends is not an empty phrase if he is still trying to contact me 1 year after the breakup, but to be honest I still want more than friendship.

 

Some male friends told me that he might try to save face by claiming that he only wants to be friends, as he has no idea what I might want from him, or if I am still single or not.

 

Others say that if he really wanted me back, he would say so and not just send random messages every couple of days/weeks.

 

So what do you guys think? I have ignored all of his messages and changed my phonenumber 2 months ago so he cant call and text me anymore.

 

I just feel I am not going to heal if things continue the way the are. If I hear from him on a weekly basis I am not really doing NC and I will never move on and forget about him this way.

 

It also feels like I am not doing NC to move on, but to punish him, which is not my original intention.

 

So do you think I should just take a risk, reply to one of his messages, meet him and see what he wants? Last time I met him was 6 months ago and instead of asking me for a second chance, he told me about a date he has been on. This was the thing that finally made me start NC after 6 months of being broken up.

 

I appreciate all replies. We are both around 30 and were together for 2 years.

[Rachel_29]

Anyone?

[laneyinlove]

Hey Rachel, I commend you for having the strength to do NC. I think that by doing so you have showed him that he cannot string you along and 6 months and the lengths you have gone to so he cannot contact you is awesome. he has however been very curious about you to the extent he has not given up hope in contacting you which means he cares about you but you're not sure if it's just for friendship or if it is to get back together. At this momment, I don't think he can possibly know if he wants to be with you until you two talk. Maybe you can talk to him on the phone and get a feel for what he wants. I think seeing him would be too much pressure for you and I would hate to see you back to square one. Whenever two people care about each other and after a break up there are always pride issues, so I think you should have your guard up and hang onto your pride and love yourself first and foremost. Perhaps when you talk ask him what he wants. Play it cool and let him do most of the talking. Don't go into too much detail about your life and that way you maintain the power. If he gives any idications he's seeing someone else or if he's talking to you like he would talk to a guy friend or does not respect you go ahead and tell him it was nice talking but I havet o go. If he wants to meet up with you then again ask him why and if he says he misses you which I'm sure he will say. tell him that you are looking for more and you can't do the friendshiop thing with him because it would be too hard. that will let him know where you stand and hold him accountable for regaining contact with you. Sometimes guys just do things willy nilly without thinking like us girls do so you kinda have to nudge them a little. I myself and going through the same thing you are going through accpet my ex boyfriend always IMS me and will call me to come over and cuddle. I do it because I still love him and miss him and I['m sure he doesn't respect me. Can you write back and let me know how it is you found the strength to do what you did? I think it's terrific and good job!

[dr strangelove]

Ok

 

Hes not going to ask you flat out to come back.

 

sorry wont happen.

 

I know it sucks doesnt it you have this whole big idea what you expect him to say. And it doesnt help to get over him when he keeps trying to contact you either.

 

Im a guy ok. Ive learned its very rare when you poor your heart out to someone and they respond to it well. Some guy has probably said to him tell her you miss your friendship etc.. thats a tactic I have used.

 

Hes not going to beg for you back for fear of rejection. He probably told you about the date to see your reaction.

 

Why dont you try the friends angle and see how it goes ?

 

I was going to suggest laying it flat out for him, second chance or nothing, but I mean you have to see someone in person again to see if the feelings are there still...

 

Heed my warning though I used NC to get my ex back. Then I played games. Then I tried to fix things by writing a heartfelt email to her which she responded to by calling me and calling me and not once picked up the phone, and now she doesnt want to speak to me anymore... consider that before you go down this fork in the road

[Rachel_29]

Thanks for your replies and sorry I have not gotten back to you sooner.

 

So what do you suggest I do? Contact him? After 6 months of NC on my part? How? And how do I justify contacting him now but totally ignoring his birthday wishes 2 months ago?

 

In the last couple of days I have realized how much I want him back in my life. Even if only in a friend capacity for now. But as he broke up with me I dont really want to be the one who suggests being friends or meeting up. I do have some pride. The last time I got a personal email from him was in June. Since than it has usually been generic emails that he sends to several people.

 

I would really love to get some suggestions.