luvcats Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 (edited) Hey you all a few months back in February I posted about how I was dumped for gaining too much weight. And was going no contact and losing the weight. Check out thread below. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/613686-dumped-gaining-too-much-weight-going-nc-now Anyways I ended up losing 40lbs. Also my ex ended up contacting me and asking me to see him again. I happily said yes. He lives in a different state so I do have to travel to see him. The trip was suppose to be 4 days. But he asked me to stay longer so I ended up staying for a month and 1 week. (i just got back home 5 days ago) At the end when I asked him why i can't be his GF, he told me he still wanted to have sex with other women. Had a crush on a co worker annnddd he Also mentioned next time try not to gain weight. OUCH OUCH OUCHHH lol This might sound crazy but I still want him lol Even after he told me he can never love me. -_-. We planned to see eachother again November. But I cancled and told him i'm moving on. (reverse psychology) Sooooo I am going no contact once again. Just because I refuse to give up on love. Using this thread to document it all. I had to change username because of privacy issues. So its been 5 days no contact I plan on going 2 months. Radio silence. Also next trip we plan will be very carefully planned and no more girlfriend benitfits. Any advice for me? Please don't tell me to move on. I'm not moving on. I plan on being with this guy no matter what. Edited July 7, 2017 by luvcats Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Best of luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcats Posted July 8, 2017 Author Share Posted July 8, 2017 Best of luck! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
GeekLover Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 (edited) Advice? Hmmm...this guy sounds like a royal *********. Don't gain weight?? What?!?! This guy seems to be about the superficial. Aaaannndd....if he's wanting to just sleep with other women right now...does he really love you? Most likely not. Anyone who wants YOU will not want anyone else. Sorry to say this, but this is NOT love. Not even close. (I'm guessing you are in your early 20s?) Time to close the door to this guy until he grows up. (Sorry...I know you don't want to hear that, but seriously??? Most people on here won't be able to give you the advice you want to hear anyway) My guess though? You'll grow up WAY faster than he will if can handle some harsh (but real) advice. Good luck! Edited July 8, 2017 by GeekLover 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Get a cat. Why do you want to be with a guy who uses you & insults you? I really don't understand. This man has called you FAT twice now, even after you lost 40 pounds. How cruel! What is it about your self esteem that is so lacking that you are planning a manipulative strategy to win back somebody who has thrown you away twice? My heart is breaking for you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 You need to work on your self-esteem and move on unless you enjoy being treated poorly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 My advice is that you need to do a lot of work to understand why you think this is love. It isn't. Not for him, anyway. You also need to do some significant work on your self-esteem. All the silly reverse psychology tricks in the world won't help when the guy just doesn't give a zoom. All that will do is leave you drained and broken-hearted when he actually starts dating someone and cuts you off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcats Posted July 8, 2017 Author Share Posted July 8, 2017 Thanks for your reply everyone. I just wanted to let you know the reason he wants to have sex with other women is because I'm the only one he's been with in the last 4 years. And even before me he wasn't super experienced. So I do see where he is coming from not wanting to commit when he know he want to explore and have sex with other women unfortunately. Also the distance and his job makes a relationship unrealistic at the moment. I know I'm probably wasting my time. But he's worth it because I don't want anyone eles. Even though he does. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 I know I'm probably wasting my time. But he's worth it because I don't want anyone eles. Even though he does. And what are you going to do while he's having sex with all these other women & especially when he decides one of them is the woman he wants to marry? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 So...are you just going to wait around until he moves on to someone else? You are your own worst enemy, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Thanks for your reply everyone. I just wanted to let you know the reason he wants to have sex with other women is because I'm the only one he's been with in the last 4 years. And even before me he wasn't super experienced. So I do see where he is coming from not wanting to commit when he know he want to explore and have sex with other women unfortunately. Also the distance and his job makes a relationship unrealistic at the moment. I know I'm probably wasting my time. But he's worth it because I don't want anyone eles. Even though he does. Not wanting to commit but even worse is that the man is telling you he can never love you. Pay attention. You're in complete denial if you think sticking around while he goes and has sex with other women is somehow going to grant you happily ever after once he's done with them. You are wasting your time and being incredibly delusional about this because at some point he's going to connect with another woman. He's telling you he can never love you -- it's over and he's moving on. If anything, he'll likely use you until someone comes along that stirs his interest. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GeekLover Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Not wanting to commit but even worse is that the man is telling you he can never love you. Pay attention. You're in complete denial if you think sticking around while he goes and has sex with other women is somehow going to grant you happily ever after once he's done with them. You are wasting your time and being incredibly delusional about this because at some point he's going to connect with another woman. He's telling you he can never love you -- it's over and he's moving on. If anything, he'll likely use you until someone comes along that stirs his interest. This is incredibly hurtful to hear, but his message reads loud and clear. You need to believe this piece of information he has told you...at least for now. His actions are certainly matching up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 You cannot make someone love you who doesn't. You are going to be miserable for a long time chasing this man. Since he really doesn't care your going 2 months NC is hardly going to be noticed by this guy because he will be dating other women, new sex and all the other fun he will share with others. It is only natural that he will meet and connect with someone else. Why are you determined to have a man who does not want you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcats Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 Thanks for your reply and input everyone still strong with no contact. For the people telling me he will be out with other women. First off he is an introvert that loves to play video games so going out and meeting people is hard for him. He hates drinking and online dating and people in general. We have talked about this which is why he wants to work on himself. So I'm not worried about him finding a bunch of women to have sex with. Also I plan on being the girl he marries wether you all believe in me or not. Also I have a feeling he said the he can never love me partly because he wanted me not to wait for him but I will wait. So yeah just keeping you guys updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcats Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 (edited) You cannot make someone love you who doesn't. You are going to be miserable for a long time chasing this man. Since he really doesn't care your going 2 months NC is hardly going to be noticed by this guy because he will be dating other women, new sex and all the other fun he will share with others. It is only natural that he will meet and connect with someone else. Why are you determined to have a man who does not want you? I had an ex once who said the same thing he couldn't love me didn't want a relationship. I ended up dating him for 4 years, moved in with him and got 2 cats together till I left. So anything is possible. Edited July 10, 2017 by luvcats Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcats Posted July 11, 2017 Author Share Posted July 11, 2017 Day 8 no contact. No contact is so easy right now because I know his schedule for this week and this weekend. So I don't expect to talk to him at all so thats good and I can focus on me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcats Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 20 i'm days no contact. I think of him everyday but not hurting as much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zolatola Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 You really need to read "He's Just Not That Into You." Men are not mountains to be conquered. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 I had an ex once who said the same thing he couldn't love me didn't want a relationship. I ended up dating him for 4 years, moved in with him and got 2 cats together till I left. So anything is possible. I see. So you have a history of chasing guys who didn't want you. Okay, carry on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zolatola Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 I see. So you have a history of chasing guys who didn't want you. Okay, carry on. He knows she'll come back. That's why No Contact in this situation is useless. It's not a pause button. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 20 i'm days no contact. I think of him everyday but not hurting as much. Is this really what you think relationships should look like, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 luvcats... Reel it in and move on. You agree to every post on this thread, but don't seem to be convinced. YOU are being used, manipulated. You are not in a good place emotionally and psychologically b/c if you were, you'd clearly recognize that all of this is simply unfortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
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