Am I Beating a Dead Horse? Was I too impulsive?

[ffw25]

Okay, full story: My ex and I broke up a couple weeks ago (yes yes I understand this is considered "fresh"). We had been going on occasional dates to get to know each other and texting since January, and we officially have been in an exclusive relationship since March. Everything has been GREAT. We get along, we're both really goofy, we share a lot of the same values, and ones we don't we can respectfully disagree on without any pent up anger or frustration about. We hung out just about every day, typical honeymoon phase stuff.

 

Well there were a couple things that bothered me. A couple times when I was upset about something (pretty minor and not about him I should add, but still upset nonetheless), he kind of just ignored the fact that I was upset. He didn't ignore me and wasn't mean to me, but he would never ask what was wrong or want to talk things over with me. I felt like there wasn't any support from his side, like when in a relationship shouldn't you want to hear about things that bother your SO?

 

So the last couple times that I went to stay at his place, he once again wasn't mean to me or anything, but I wasn't feeling like he really cared if I was there or not as well. There was no sex (and he and I are extremely sexual, me more so than him, I have a pretty much unsatiable sex drive lol), he got home from work, said hi to me, and basically took a shower and got in bed and went to sleep without us conversing much. He definitely wasn't upset with me, but he also kind of couldn't have cared if I was there or not and it really hurt my feelings. I also should add that he had recently revealed to me that he was into domination tpe stuff both in and out of the bedroom, and after talking about it we both agreed to try out a consensual dominant/submissive style relationship. However, this was the first times we were together alone since having those conversations, and he never treated me any different than before we had those conversations and agreed to start a new lifestyle, which really disappointed me because I was excited to try it out. The next morning of the last time I saw him, I got up and left visibly sad and disappointed, and he texted me what was wrong because he had work to get to. I told him that I wasn't feeling very special to him recently and that I was kind of upset about both that as well as the lack of sex, and the fact that he knew I was bothered by something but didn't want to talk about it unless we were conversing over text. He apologized and all that, but it seemed really insincere and he didn't try to make it up to me. I'm a real "actions over words" kind of person, and I was basically asking him for a gesture to prove to me that he still cared, which I did not receive.

 

2 weeks of not seeing each other later and he's avoiding me. I gave him my work schedule both weeks and both times he never so much as asked to meet up for dinner one single time. He started not answering texts, claiming he was "busy" while being really apologetic, but I saw him on social media during the times he was "too busy to text" so I know that was just an excuse because he either didn't want to talk to me or didn't know what to say, because he knew I still had unresolved feelings about feeling neglected recently. I finally came out and straight asked him if he was planning on dumping me, because that's what I assumed he was doing since he was distancing himself so suddenly, but he said he didn't want to break up and was just trying to "figure out how to fix things," but to me that sounded like another excuse to blow me off.

 

Finally I got fed up and texted him telling him I would leave his things that I had on his apartment front door, and I hoped he found someone one day who was worth putting effort in for, because I wasn't it. He pretty much replied with "okay, I'm sorry again." Not exact words, but you get the idea; and that was the end of that. A week later I'm feeling like I didn't do a good job of stating my case (I'm known to be a little impulsive), so I decided to write him a letter thoroughly explaining my side of things for the sake of "closure" and because I wanted to tell him I loved him. I had felt this way for a little while but never told him because I was going to wait for the right time, which never came, and I'm a big believer in not leaving important things like that unsaid. So I told him all this and told him he didn't have to reply, that I just wanted to get it all out on the table for the sake of being clear. And he did just that by not responding to my letter.

 

Okay so backstory is out on the table, now here are my questions. I'm getting a lot of feelings of regret, and I really think I might have let someone I really connect with well go too impulsively. I just think we may have had communication issues that I didn't give him time to work through with me. Am I just romanticizing a past relationship because I miss him? I feel like I'm thinking through this with a clear head, because my last breakup was way more messy and I was emotionally all over the place. However with this one I feel really clear-headed despite being sad. Denial or actual logical reasoning on my part? He has not responded to my letter, so would texting him asking if he'd like to talk be overkill? I'm not sure if it's my pride or actual reasoning, but I really don't want to look like a desperate idiot if he is completely fine with our breakup and I end up looking like an idiot who is asking for him back. Especially because he told me his last relationship ended because his girlfriend got too clingy too fast (told him she loved him 2 weeks into the relationship and wouldn't ever give him a moment of peace type thing), and I don't want him to think of me the same way. Should I contact him again? Or should I leave it be? I want to talk to him really badly, and I want to know what's on his mind, because he was so closed off to me throughout the ordeal and I'm dying to know what he is thinking, regardless of if it's on the lines of "I'm so over her" or if it's "I want her back." I just don't know if reaching out is the right thing to do, especially since the whole reason we broke up is because I was not being met halfway in terms of communication. So should I just sit back and see if he ever contacts me again? Or are we both trying to wait out the other? What do y'all think?

[springy]

-He didn't care to check on you when you were upset (understandable if...you were upset frequently over small things? dramatic? always complaining?)

-Barely acknowledged you when you came over to his house, could have cared less if you were there or not (your description)

-Started distancing himself and lost interest in sex

-Went two weeks without seeing you seemingly unbothered by it, never even bothering to call or text to meet up after you gave him your schedule

-Didn't bother to make any changes when you voiced your concerns; insincere in his apology as you put it

-Started avoiding you

-Stopped answering texts

-Was too busy to text but was on social media

-When you broke up with him he didn't put up the tiniest fight, or ask for another chance to make things right. Pretty much said ok, sorry bout that...bye

-You wrote him a letter and he didn't bother to respond (although in all fairness you told him he didn't have to and shouldn't have expected it after all the behavior displayed above)

 

At some point this guy checked out but was too much of a coward to just tell you and break it off. So he did that thing where he acted in such a way where you had no choice but to break up with him instead. Please do not reach out again, you've tried more than enough. He is not interested. Sorry.