Divorcing while pregnant

[Opportunity]

Hello Everyone! Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this post and provide support.

 

Me and my husband have known about each other since we were in our early double digits. His grandmother lived on the street I grew up on. Years later when he was 19 and I 23 we reconnected and began dating. My husband had recently had a daughter with someone he was having sex with. My husband was pretty reckless and was having sex with multiple people, some without a condom. Anyway, I choose to believe he was not emotionally involved with his daughter's mom and we began dating. This was in 2011. During this time my husband cheated on me with his daughter's mother, my niece's friend, and a associate of mine that I have known from childhood. I left him in 2013 and we reconciled in May 2014. Since then our relationship was okay. He didn't physically have sex with anyone else during this time. We got married at city hall in October 2015. He was incarcerated from late 10/15-10/16. I became pregnant in July 2015 and my son was born March 2016. My husband was not present for his birth due to his incarceration.

 

I began verbally abusing my husband when I took him back after cheating on me with my associate. I began regretting take him back when he was incarcerated. During that time he promised to show me different, be an upstanding husband and father, and stay at home with his family when he is not at work or school. Fast forward to February 2017 when he began hanging out every other day until 3 am - sometimes even later. This caused even more resentment from me because I was already 3 months pregnant with our second child and taking care of our one year old by myself while maintaining employment. He would say he loves hanging out, that he needs air, and that he wasn't cheating. On June 9 I found out he was cheating because his mistress left a voicemail on his phone. He admitted to it and I had to go get tested because I was 8 months pregnant. I chose to forgive him because I love him and really wanted my family to work. 3 weeks later he comes home on a Saturday morning with makeup on his shirt, denies its makeup. Then the mistress called his phone late Saturday night, early Sunday morning. He claimed to have not known why she would be calling. Monday morning his mistress posted a picture of them two on social media. He then came cleaned that he had been hanging out with her on Friday night.

 

I decided that I was going to divorce my husband. It just feels like too many problems for us. We had just started marital counseling the Monday before his mistress posted the picture on social media. I believe my husband is not ready for marriage and is better off single or dating various women. But now we need to get a divorce. In my state, we must hash out custody and support concerns prior to a divorce being granted. So I filed for custody and child support of my unborn son and my 15 month old son. I am now 9 months pregnant. I am not working right now. I have limited income. I do plan to return to work 6 weeks after my baby is born. But I am stressed because my husband has left me to be a single mother and I also have to love out of the apartment we are staying in as it belongs to his mother. His mother said I can stay as long as I need to but I can not stay and request child support from my husband. I need to move. I am also with my son 24/7. This week (MON - FRI) my husband spent a total of 7 hours over 3 days with my son while I ran errands. We are still in the same house. I tell him I need a break (I am 9 months pregnant and my15 month old is very active) to no avail. I don't have support systems. I am in counseling twice a week trying to deal with my own depression and self esteem. However, I still feel scared and alone. I have a lot to tackle by myself - finding a place to live in an expensive city, financially and physically caring for 2 boys under 2 years old, childbirth, family court, etc. Once I return to work things will be easier because I make a decent income. But getting through the next 3 months will be very very difficult.

 

Any advice, feedback, words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[amaysngrace]

I'd contact WIC and welfare and see what kind of assistance they can offer since you're facing possible homelessness with toddlers.

 

Are you receiving any money from temporary disability? Do you have any income at all?

[Amas5750]

Just wanted to say that i sense a real strength about you.

 

Also.. do you have any income or any savings? Any good friends to talk to?

[Amas5750]

Also dont second guess it. He is treating you like cr@p

[Opportunity]

Thank you! It is hard. He has begged me to take him back most of the week. But then he continues his same nonsense. Hanging out until 3+ am, drinking, and presumably talking to females. I can't take it anymore. It's so hard being a single mom. I ask him for some relief to no avail. I have been with my son all day every day for the past week with the exception of the 7 hours over the week he has watched him while I ran errands.

 

Right now I have about $500. That is all. I am receiving WIC and food stamps. It will be another 2 weeks before I receive any money disability assistance. My employers have completed the paperwork so it's just a waiting game at this point. I will receive about $2500 a month. I live in one of the biggest most expensive cities in the USA so $2500 is not much with 2 kids. A one bedroom apartment here runs about $1300 a month.

[Vapors]

Thank you! It is hard. He has begged me to take him back most of the week. But then he continues his same nonsense. Hanging out until 3+ am, drinking, and presumably talking to females. I can't take it anymore. It's so hard being a single mom. I ask him for some relief to no avail. I have been with my son all day every day for the past week with the exception of the 7 hours over the week he has watched him while I ran errands.

 

Right now I have about $500. That is all. I am receiving WIC and food stamps. It will be another 2 weeks before I receive any money disability assistance. My employers have completed the paperwork so it's just a waiting game at this point. I will receive about $2500 a month. I live in one of the biggest most expensive cities in the USA so $2500 is not much with 2 kids. A one bedroom apartment here runs about $1300 a month.

 

Have you considered making a move to a cheaper city? I did the same thing myself last year, and I haven't regretted it one bit. Nice, 2 bed apartments here are $700 a month, as opposed to $1800 a month in my previous city, and my wages have barely changed at all. It's much less stressful. I know it's a big change, and you may not be in the mental space for something so drastic, but it's something to think about.

 

And congrats for dumping your POS husband. He doesn't deserve you, and it sounds like he never did. You will triumph on your own.

[SoleMate]

You're doing the right thing. You will find a way to make it.

[Opportunity]

Yes, I am very much interested in moving. I live in the North East and would love to relocate to the West. Thinking Las Vegas. I would like to have some savings prior to moving and I am thinking that moving with my expected income tax return in early 2018. That will be enough to get us by for the first few months in case I have difficulty securing a job. Of course I plan to apply for jobs prior to moving as well.

 

This seems like an impossible situation right now. I go in and out of feeling confident that I will be able to do this on my own. 2 young children under two with no support? It seems easier to stay with my husband. But I know that I will continue to be lonely, hurt and miserable while with him.

[stillafool]

Are you saying you cannot live with your mother and collect child support? I hope not because your mother would be a great help to you with the kids.

[Opportunity]

My mother is in nursing home. She is not able to be present for herself, let alone me. She does have an apartment that is being occupied by 2 of my sisters and my niece. However, 1 of these sisters does drugs and has various random people in and out of the apartment. Not a safe place for an exploring soon to be toddler and a newborn. I asked one of my sisters if I can come stay on her couch. Her response? "No one is staying on my couch."

 

I don't really have a support system. I'm pretty much on my own.

[MJJean]

Are you saying you cannot live with your mother and collect child support? I hope not because your mother would be a great help to you with the kids.

 

OP was saying she can't collect child support because she and her H live together in an apartment owned by his mother.

 

As long as they are sharing a residence, she cannot claim child support. Once they are no longer sharing a residence, she can file for and receive child support.

[Fdb]

my colleague divorced 19 years ago while her 3rd child in the womb. She made out good. It is tough, stay strong for the kids. Good luck! God bless you!

[Jstub]

it saddens me to read your story. Please, whatever you do, no matter how tough it gets, no matter how long he begs or promises to change, do not go back to him. That would be a hugeeeee mistake.

 

Tell yourself you will figure it out. Keep telling yourself it will be okay. Contact any agencies that can help. I think i can guess where you live.. have you tried looking into studios close to universities? Those run at around $1000, sometimes lower. I know it's not ideal, but when you start collecting your $2500, it can work if you watch it.

 

Stay strong!