Family Scapegoat

[amaysngrace]

Okay so I went to the concert the other day and my sister was trying to get me to go in her direction so she yanked on my arm so hard that I fell to the ground.

 

Now my arm is totally screwed up and hurts

 

Is this normal??? I would never put my hands on someone like that. I really should just go NC with everyone. They're just not good for my well being.

[preraph]

I so know the feeling preraph. I can't understand why some people need to make others look bad in order to make themselves look better. Can't they just step up and actually DO better?

 

I don't get it

 

No, but that's exactly it. They want to take you down a peg -- or bully you down a peg. My sister has always been mean. She deliberately closed an old pickup door on my fingers when I was 2 or 3 and if we hadn't had a doctor next door I wouldn't have any fingers on my right hand but my thumb. We have had an odd friendship but she's very intolerant and reclusive and I'm just about over it. Last year she blew up real ugly with me for zero reason. I don't keep anyone in my life who does that, and I'm taking the gloves off with her now because I'm sick of her. Unfortunately, we're both old and now she still wants to lean on me while simultaneously being a jerk.

[Chilli]

Okay so I went to the concert the other day and my sister was trying to get me to go in her direction so she yanked on my arm so hard that I fell to the ground.

 

Now my arm is totally screwed up and hurts

 

Is this normal??? I would never put my hands on someone like that. I really should just go NC with everyone. They're just not good for my well being.

 

ha, ya see.she thinks she dominates you but you actually dominate her because you can see through her.

 

that's one thing l find so disheartening about family.

call me a dreamer but l just feel they should know me , but they don't have a clue.

maybe l just expect too much.

which is ironic .

[amaysngrace]

No, but that's exactly it. They want to take you down a peg -- or bully you down a peg. My sister has always been mean. She deliberately closed an old pickup door on my fingers when I was 2 or 3 and if we hadn't had a doctor next door I wouldn't have any fingers on my right hand but my thumb. We have had an odd friendship but she's very intolerant and reclusive and I'm just about over it. Last year she blew up real ugly with me for zero reason. I don't keep anyone in my life who does that, and I'm taking the gloves off with her now because I'm sick of her. Unfortunately, we're both old and now she still wants to lean on me while simultaneously being a jerk.

 

My sister flips from being nice to me to being mean to me and has our whole lives....funny you say that.

 

Now she wants to use me for my house because I'm near the beach. I can't think of anything worse than seeing her once a week for the next six weeks because one week just isn't enough time to recover from her, you know?

 

ha, ya see.she thinks she dominates you but you actually dominate her because you can see through her.

 

that's one thing l find so disheartening about family.

call me a dreamer but l just feel they should know me , but they don't have a clue.

maybe l just expect too much.

which is ironic .

 

I think you're right about domination. If you ask her she will tell you how inferior I am to her and how superior she is to me. Then she'll state every accomplishment she achieved as if it's on some memorized list of hers, used to spout off every time somebody new unknowingly harms her fragile ego.

 

It's pretty sick actually.

 

I feel like my family knows me just enough to know how to get what they want out of me. I'm getting pretty tired of that though.

 

It's odd how we overlook so many things from family that we'd never tolerate from a stranger.

Edited July 17, 2017 by amaysngrace

[amaysngrace]

Sunday was my daughter's birthday. I bought her a flower arrangement shaped like a cake and balloons to decorate with and when I was having the flowers wrapped and balloons filled the woman asked me if we were having family over. I told her we have no family....they all died.

 

Last night I told my daughter about that and and she said "mom!"

then we both laughed really hard

[Chilli]

Ahh l'm sorry you have to feel that way though.

 

That sister l talk about , really , she's ok. she's just not the sort of person l'd like around my life too much but it'snot that she's a bad person that one , she's actually one of the best in the family tbh. l dunno , she just has this personality thing about her , it's very scatterish hence her bad luck with men.

 

But with the others , most of them , it's a bit like your sister. l see through them , see what they're gonna say how they'll act , know l couldn't trust them with something, see their double standards , all kinds of things.

But they have no clue.

And so they think l stay away from them because l've got some problem but basically l just don't like who they are mostly.

That and the fact l like my space.

[amaysngrace]

I'm having a dilemma and I wish I knew what I should do. My sister who still lives here in New Jersey is the one who yanked on me so hard that I fell to the ground. She is the one who I did thanksgiving and Christmas with last year too because it was our first holidays without our mom.

 

She's been texting me stupid crap the past few days which I've ignored. Now she asked "are you okay?"

 

These past few days are the first she's reached out to me since the concert two weeks ago.

 

I don't know how to answer her. Or if I should answer her. The problem is if I cut ties then there goes the holidays. I have kids, yes they're all adults, but I don't want them to be missing out yet at the same time I don't feel like exposing myself to the phony BS just to pretend to be a family.

 

I love my kids so this is my main problem. Do I pretend or stay true to me?

[preraph]

It's not easy to dodge family. I dodged my sister the last couple of months, but she wormed her way back in, plus when you're old, it's no time to do it, I guess. But I see nothing wrong with just not doing any meaningful communication until you feel like it. "Sorry, got my hands full. Talk to you next week" or whatever.

[amaysngrace]

Thank you, preraph

 

That's exactly what I just did now.

[truthtripper]

It's an honor right? I mean you're the one that's the biggest threat, the one with a mind of your own and the most morally sound one, right?

 

According to the experts you're the most mentally healthy one too. The most sensitive and caring as well.

 

No wonder why they all hate you.

Lately I've been feeling so like sh@t over being the family scapegoat.They make me suicidal. But WOW I just read this and I feel so much better. Your thread has saved me amaysngrace and thanks so much all you posters! :):)

[amaysngrace]

Lately I've been feeling so like sh@t over being the family scapegoat.They make me suicidal. But WOW I just read this and I feel so much better. Your thread has saved me amaysngrace and thanks so much all you posters! :):)

 

You're definitely not alone!!

 

It's just a really hard to deal with because everyone says family is so important but when you accept treatment from them that you would not tolerate from anyone else then maybe it's time to reevaluate your familial relationships.

 

 

I'm sorry you're in this boat too though. Just remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!! xo

[truthtripper]

They should be the soft place to and , the place of trust , support , comfort , coming home too.

Are there actually any families like this? I've always thought that all families are like mine, that there is a scapegoat(s) in every family and that all families are in denial about their ugly truths(except the scapegoats).

[amaysngrace]

Are there actually any families like this? I've always thought that all families are like mine, that there is a scapegoat(s) in every family and that all families are in denial about their ugly truths(except the scapegoats).

 

I'm a single mom and my desire is to be that family.

So far so good!

[truthtripper]

I'm a single mom and my desire is to be that family.

So far so good!

I love your positive attitude, you turn the scapegoat role on it's head. I am changed forever!

Edited July 28, 2017 by truthtripper

[truthtripper]

My mother is slowly dying from pulmonary fibrosis. I recently moved in with her out of the kindness of my heart. Her family are very difficult to deal with. One of my aunts always wears a perfume which triggers my migraines. When I asked her could she please not wear the perfume when she visits, she replied "I like this perfume and I can wear it when I want. It's you that has to change." This is an example of the endless issues I have to deal with, with my demented family.

I'm not well myself. I have a disabling connective tissue disorder which my family ridicules me about. They tell me I'm lazy and that I don't deserve to be on disability pension. I just want to spend more time with her before she dies, but in the process have to put up with all this family sh@t

[amaysngrace]

My mother is slowly dying from pulmonary fibrosis. I recently moved in with her out of the kindness of my heart. Her family are very difficult to deal with. One of my aunts always wears a perfume which triggers my migraines. When I asked her could she please not wear the perfume when she visits, she replied "I like this perfume and I can wear it when I want. It's you that has to change." This is an example of the endless issues I have to deal with, with my demented family.

I'm not well myself. I have a disabling connective tissue disorder which my family ridicules me about. They tell me I'm lazy and that I don't deserve to be on disability pension. I just want to spend more time with her before she dies, but in the process have to put up with all this family sh@t

 

I'm sorry that they're treating you so poorly. You're a good person with a kind heart to be there to take care of your mom. You are putting your health issues aside and putting her needs first and you'll be able to hold your head up high. They see how well you're taking care of her and for some reason need to put you down but that says more about them than you.

 

You don't need to explain yourself to them. They probably wouldn't get it anyway.

 

(hugs)

[Chilli]

Well , what l try to do is at least have it that way with my daughter as our little family and for her to always have her soft place to land or to unload.

Have tried to create that over and over with just a few friends and one or two of the family too but that one is a bit more tricky, it seems most people will still always be people in the end doesn't it. Still seems to come back and bite you on the ass one way or another so l've given up on that one apart from one brother and one or two people l know.

Bad parents and siblings teach us what not to have in our own world .

 

True what you were saying about the scapegoats being something special to l reckon, that's probably why they still seem to notice every little thing we do even if we're 3hours away and be so stuck on us.

But hey , even if not we'll call ourselves special anyway, to hell with it haha.

[Fair]

Fellow scapegoat here. Special? You must keep in mind that you are, indeed. It helps you survive.