Nutellatoast Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 How can someone go from calling you his closest friend in life one day to then treating you like an absolute stranger the next? How can someone go from being the nicest, kindest person to you to hurting you more than anyone ever has? How can someone go from caring about every little thing about you to suddenly not caring all? And all that for no apparent reason. Forget love and all that bullcrap, but is it really that easy for people to just forget a person they once considered a good, special friend? To go from talking to you all the time to not wanting to talk at all? I understand falling out of love, fading friendships, losing feelings and all that- but is it really so easy to care about someone so much and then suddenly, one day not giving a damn at all. Have I really been living in a bubble all along? Do I care too much? It's been 6-7 months- why do I still care so much? We had a silly fight but I did nothing to deserve this.Except may be care too much. I thought I will get over it with time, and for a while I thought I did, but now I find myself falling deeper into this state of constant sadness. I feel pain and hurt or I feel nothing at all. I did everything to keep myself busy and distracted. Yet, the moment I'm alone- the hurt, the heartache comes back. I feel pathetic for giving someone who doesn't care at all so much importance. I feel ashamed of myself. I often blame myself for this situation even though in the rare moments of thinking rationally, I know it wasn't my fault. I do not like feeling like this. Yet, I can't change it. I wish I could just not give a damn either, just like he doesn't anymore. And now, I have the hardest time trusting people. When someone who I considered my best(est) friend in the world, who was always, always there for me can do this to me then how can I? I don't know what to do, and I know no one else can probably help me but I had to get this off my chest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 It's okay - hang in there. I go through every day too, and it's worse when you read the texts (try not to) and think about all the promises they told you. And now you are facing al the hardships and picking up the pieces yourself. I think of it as - they may not have been lying (or they may have - but if they were a half decent person maybe they were genuine at the time) but not everyone has the strength or insight to recognize that promises carry responsibility and weight. And when people can't handle it, they run away. We can not control the actions of others. We can only control our own feelings, thoughts, and actions. And we have to move on for our own sake. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Little-Wolf Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 (edited) I agree with Fieldsoflavender. I'm not saying it'll get easier overnight, it won't, but you have to keep busy. Recently I've raised over £400 for charity and am doing a skydive. While it hasn't filled the void that he left, it has made me focus on something and made me feel good that I'm doing something for others. Also don't reach out to him. It'll make you feel 20x worse, trust me. While I haven't reached out to my most recent ex, my first boyfriend I was a desperate wreck and he ended up preying on how vulnerable I was and he dragged me along for almost a year, promising love and sleeping with me when it was convienent for him, but I was still the one left with a broken heart. I wish I could turn back the clock and slap myself silly for what I put up with back then, it crippled my self worth. Maybe one day your ex will come back a changed man, maybe not. In the mean time, focus on yourself. Start writing or painting, go out for walks and breathe in the fresh air, go cinema with your friends, something, anything to keep your mind off the betrayal. Good luck. x Edited July 8, 2017 by Little-Wolf 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LONERx Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 I've been on both sides like everyone here. I left my wife of 7 years and feel terrible guilt, but I know it is for the best. We've been each other's everything for 10 years and even through a terrible divorce, I still love her. But I know it's best to NC her because each time we see each other we have to start over. I want so badly to tell her I love her and wish the best for her but I have the right to be happy as the next person and need to move on for my sake as well as hers. I feel I married her for the wrong reasons and it finally caught up to me and we both know it and agreed to move on. Unfortunately she had a change of heart and didn't want the divorce after all, and made the divorce hell, wasting all our assets dragging it out so whatever I wanted to leave for her is all but gone. I think whatever reconciliation chances are gone at this point but I know I still love her but can't tell her because I don't want to give her any false hope. She will always be a part of me but I love her to much to keep messing with her emotions. I don't know how your ex feels about you but maybe he's trying to let you move on as well... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nutellatoast Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 Thank you for the kind words I am unable to cope with this feeling at the moment but I really hope I will get over this and the person soon, I don't want to be miserable forever, that too because of someone like him. I don't know why he would suddenly behave like this. I have wanted to know the reason for the longest time but now I think it's time to give up looking for answers and move on regardless. Sometimes, it's better that way, I guess. I'd have gone no contact the day he left but he insisted on being friends, even put in the effort in doing so for so long but suddenly...it's like he dictated all the terms here and I (willingly) followed. Not anymore. I can't change the past but I can try and control what I do in the future- and pining over him is something I really don't want to do. He doesn't deserve that from me and I don't deserve it either. It was good while it lasted but I hope I can be strong enough to let go of it now... Link to post Share on other sites
Guzzard Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 Thank you for the kind words I am unable to cope with this feeling at the moment but I really hope I will get over this and the person soon, I don't want to be miserable forever, that too because of someone like him. I don't know why he would suddenly behave like this. I have wanted to know the reason for the longest time but now I think it's time to give up looking for answers and move on regardless. Sometimes, it's better that way, I guess. Yes, I am new here as a poster but have done quite a bit of reading. I am in a similar position. Unfortunately, seeking the reasons and answers is something that can keep us bound up. In the end, we have to accept that it is done and over ... and that's very hard to do... and the reasons really don't matter anymore. In my case, there is mental illness with my spouse and I have been wrapped up trying to reason and make sense of a situation that just simply can't and won't ever make sense. Being on the constant focus of trying to understand and explain it all traps us and did me and we have to do everything to accept and just move past the reasons. They don't change it anyway. Seeking and holding on to explaining and reasons really did a number on me that I starting to get out of myself. In the end, we can't control what they've done, so accepting that the reasons no longer matter can help unfreeze oneself. Link to post Share on other sites
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