how to like my middle aged body

[d0nnivain]

UGH.

 

Growing up I was tall & skinny. For most of my life I had an off the rack size 6 body with a flat stomach.

 

Then I hit 40. My metabolism started to slow. I also discovered that I like rich foods, I enjoy my wine & due to "life" I don't get enough exercise. I carry the majority of my weight in my stomach; I actually have a bulge & in tight clothes or empire waist I look pregnant.

 

Last year I tried diet & exercise while cutting out the soda. I lost almost 20 pounds but that 1200 calorie per day diet was not sustainable. It also did not significantly affect my stomach so I ended up depressed because I failed. I have gained back about 8 of the pounds & it's all in my stomach. I have my mother's body. {Every woman who read this just cringed because you know what I'm talking about}

 

I spent yesterday unsuccessfully trying on formal wear. Nothing fit. I really don't want to spend huge amounts of money. I miss the days when I looked great in clothes.

 

How do I adjust my mind to my new body?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I hear ya, girlfriend. Bad genes here, too. It's a real struggle. Add in 2 c-sections and I dream of cosmetic surgery every day!

[d0nnivain]

But is there something I can do, short of surgery? I have tried spanx. That just keeps the fat from iiggling. A big part of it, is I don't know HOW to dress my new shape. How / where do I learn that?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

But is there something I can do, short of surgery? I have tried spanx. That just keeps the fat from iiggling. A big part of it, is I don't know HOW to dress my new shape. How / where do I learn that?

 

Summertime can be difficult because it's hard to layer and stay cool. Something like this could work: Dress the Population Gia Backless Chiffon Wrap Dress | Nordstrom

 

Topshop Bride Cascade Gown | Nordstrom

[Sloppyseconds]

I wouldn't worry so much about the numbers.... find a size that fits comfortably, something you are comfortable in (physically, not something you feel sets your body upon a pedestal) and then rock the **** out of it. The more comfortable you are the more confidence in your skin you will have. People will be way more focused on how happy Suzie was at the party, rather than omg, did you see those 2.5 extra pounds she was carrying? You might think you look larger than you do just from beating yourself up constantly over it, while others aren't so critical. Be happier with the memories you've made breaking bread with others and not whether the butter stuck to your hips!

[BaileyB]

I don't know. I have the same issue. My body is just not the same as when I was younger. I have my mother's body... And I was always so proud that I didn't have her stomach. It's quite depressing to feel like my youth has passed...

[preraph]

You have the same body type as me only not as bad. My family all had pot bellies. I was a stick until I was 23 but I still had a pouch. I also had the disadvantage of next to no boobs. Thank goodness it was in the '70s but it was still eliminating a lot of men I imagine.

 

Now I'm huge fat. I have lost 100 pounds more than once. When younger, I could keep it off longer. I managed to stay at an appropriate weight until I was 40, but I had to diet a lot and even then it got away from me by 30 pounds a time or two in my 30s. As I aged, it became harder and harder to lose enough weight. I too did the 1200 calorie diet, basically, but I did it by one sensible meal a day 5 days and then two cheat days with one meal of whatever I wanted (Mexican food) plus something small before bed, like a cookie. I usually worked a cookie into my other 5 days as well.

 

But the only way for me to lose weight is to start with diet alone for about 3 weeks (because that's as long as that will last) and then start adding exercise. and the problem is my body gets used to the exercise level and starts putting on weight again, even at 1200 calories, if I don't increase the exercise. Before long, there aren't enough hours in the day to exercise to keep the weight coming off. As I got older, that time came sooner and sooner until I could begin gaining weight while eating 1200 calories and exercising every day, usually a combination of gym and walking.

 

So I finally stopped dieting about 5 years ago because it just wasn't working well enough anymore. I became lame in the foot and couldn't walk two miles a day and now I have a torn miniscus and can barely walk. Now, everyone is different, but that's how my body works. At the obese weight I am now, my body stops trying to gain weight, so this is my level now and I've just got to live with it. I have a huge gut and nothing short of surgery (which would need to be done when thinnest) would help that -- and I had a consult on it once and he said I'd gain in other places if I took that off.

 

So you know what part of your body takes on weight first and second. On me, it's my stomach, obviously, and then my arms. My butt is relatively flat and always has been and my legs are not too bad except at the top. But so if I had the surgery, my arms would get even huger and there's nothing to be done about that, really. And then I'd probably gain weight in my legs and find it hard to walk.

 

At your still small size, I say just buy a panty girdle. There are some comfortable ones that just feel like supportive panties. I was never able to exercise my belly off. There's no muscles there. I tried. In fact, when I was young, I won a medal for 300 perfect situps and I still had the belly, so there you go.

[d0nnivain]

Sloppyseconds. I have sort of made peace with the #s but I can't find a sty;e that looks good. Everything either highlights my worst feature or I feel matronly in it.

[preraph]

To find how you should dress for your body type, start watching reruns on the TLC channel of "What Not to Wear" and it really does have some good advice for what shape skirt is best and ways to make it look like you still have a waist. You'll have to watch a few to find someone with your body type.

[d0nnivain]

preraph

 

Thanks . . . now I just keep hearing the guy on that show say see how this top "floats" away from your body.

[Bastile]

Why not just do lower-ab exercises. That's what I do.

 

 

I'm lucky to have good genes in that sense. My mum is really small, and my dad is built quite solid.

 

But drink will screw up any body, I find. Even ones that are naturally made to be in decent shape. And I've been drinking a lot too over the last few years, using it as a sort of crutch.

 

Can't be drinking your wine a lot as routine, without expecting it to have an effect.

[SammySammy]

The Metabolism Miracle For Women Over 40

[preraph]

preraph

 

Thanks . . . now I just keep hearing the guy on that show say see how this top "floats" away from your body.

 

I'm sure you're already a snazzy dresser, but picking the right shapes and lines can make all the difference and you might even start thinking you looked better than before in just the right outfit. I am, unfortunately, in a city that is usually too hot for a sweater or blazer, though I always loved wearing blazers because the right one is very flattering.

 

I like that show and I did learn some things from it. I started doing more prints and color and also especially accessorizing more. Unfortunately, I can't wear nice shoes because of foot problems and that also keeps me from wearing a dress. I wish I could find a good pair of just low heels or even flats or sandals that I could walk in but I looked last year all over town and nothing felt like I could walk in it. I'd love to wear a dress or skirt occasionally.

 

One of the main things they do is emphasize the smallest place and make that your waist, which for a lot of women is not the waist but right under the boobs (so you have to have a good sturdy bra to find that area). And I'm huge and that's the best solution for me. But they don't like boxy things on that show.

[thefooloftheyear]

I typed a relatively long and informative post on this topic, but it may not be the thread for it, so I dumped it...

 

You can make noticeable changes in your body..I've helped many people, including middle aged women...You can look dynamite and be truly happy about how you look, other than coming to terms with it...It won't be that easy to get there, but the physical and emotional rewards are well worth it, and will last a lifetime.. IMO...

 

The pain of progress/improvement always trumps the pain of remorse/regret...For me, anyway...

 

TFY

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

The pain of progress/improvement always trumps the pain of remorse/regret...

 

Does it trump the pain of permanent deprivation? Some women can't eat a cheeseburger without packing on 5 pounds and have to live in constant deprivation mode. It becomes a trade-off....enjoy life or enjoy your body? Some, like preraph, have decided it's just not worth the deprivation and constant struggle. And that's ok. I'm currently rebelling against temporary deprivation after a surgery and 20+ pound weight gain last year, but I at least know it would work for me if/when I REALLY commit. (None of this gym only 3 times a week and wine 5 nights a week BS).

 

I agree with what you say about 90%, but for some women it becomes such a discouraging battle . (And yes, I absolutely believe women have a harder time than men losing weight, especially as we age).

[thefooloftheyear]

Does it trump the pain of permanent deprivation? Some women can't eat a cheeseburger without packing on 5 pounds and have to live in constant deprivation mode. It becomes a trade-off....enjoy life or enjoy your body? Some, like preraph, have decided it's just not worth the deprivation and constant struggle. And that's ok. I'm currently rebelling against temporary deprivation after a surgery and 20+ pound weight gain last year, but I at least know it would work for me if/when I REALLY commit. (None of this gym only 3 times a week and wine 5 nights a week BS).

 

I agree with what you say about 90%, but for some women it becomes such a discouraging battle . (And yes, I absolutely believe women have a harder time than men losing weight, especially as we age).

 

I agree with most/all of this...

 

I understand what you are saying and I fully understand how women's bodies store fat and how difficult it is to deal with...But many people make mistakes, in the areas of diet and exercise...Diets alone don't work and almost never do..

 

Part of my dumped post dealt with how women can take advantage of that which make men weight/fat burning machines...When you optimize it, most people can actually live normal lives...Think about eating 10-15K calories of basically carb laden and fried junk food a day for a period of 3 months and not gain any weight or fat.(I don't recommend it, just an experiment that I did last year)..That might be extreme and I am a big dude, but it demonstrates the power of muscle in how a body metabolizes food/fat...

 

TFY

Edited July 8, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I agree with most/all of this...

 

I understand what you are saying and I fully understand how women's bodies store fat and how difficult it is to deal with...But many people make mistakes, in the areas of diet and exercise...Diets alone don't work and almost never do..

 

Part of my dumped post dealt with how women can take advantage of that which make men weight/fat burning machines...When you optimize it, most people can actually live normal lives...Think about eating 10-15K calories of basically carb laden and fried junk food a day for a period of 3 months and not gain any weight or fat.(I don't recommend it, just an experiment that I did last year)..That might be extreme and I am a big dude, but it demonstrates the power of muscle in how a body metabolizes food/fat...

 

TFY

 

I'd love to have this information. I'd make time to work out like a fiend if I could eat and drink whatever I want

[SammySammy]

TFY is right.

 

Our bodies naturally lose muscle as we age. Usually starting around age thirty. Rebuilding that muscle is the key that I think many overlook. Eating well and other healthy habits are good, but building muscle is what stands between many of us and success. I can attest to that.

 

And it doesn't take a lot. No one is trying to be Mr. or Ms. Olympia here. Just some consistent resistance training goes a long way.

[Marc878]

Just get in the habit of a few sit-ups every night.

 

You can think after you get your flat stomach back. Ha!

[Eternal Sunshine]

TFY I would really appreciate that long post. I packed on 10lbs recently and it's very obvious. I am not the type that can deal with long term starvation and it's getting harder and harder to keep the weight off

[basil67]

d0nnivain, I don't suppose you - or anyone else on the thread - sews? There's a FB group called Curvy Sewing Collective where a heap of us share pattern and fitting ideas. It's amazing how flattering a pattern specifically designed for a bigger body size can be. So much nicer than the smaller sizes which just get graded up and fit badly.

 

It's also a really body positive space.

 

Anyone wanting to join can send the page a direct request or send me a PM and I'll link you in.

[preraph]

One thing that happens to women is the fat moves around and often goes south, so even if they get back to their goal weight, they will not have the same shape.

[BaileyB]

Those who say that you should just do sit ups must be joking... Because they obviously have no idea how the female body gains and/or loses weight.

 

I do agree with the suggestion of weght training. Not necessarily for weight loss, but because it has so many benefits and it is so important to keep muscle as we get older.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Those who say that you should just do sit ups must be joking... Because they obviously have no idea how the female body gains and/or loses weight.

 

I do agree with the suggestion of weght training. Not necessarily for weight loss, but because it has so many benefits and it is so important to keep muscle as we get older.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if "a few sit ups a day" would do the trick. Shows how clueless some people are about how hard it actually is.

[Mumbles]

I'm a man, so excuse me, we have our own issues post 40-50 but there are some similarities I think.

 

Its an excellent question - how to dress appropriately for age and body type and I don't know the answer. Contemporary fashion off the rack is a nightmare for me too unless I'm looking for suits or business wear.

 

On diet, I will say that I have to keep away from carbs. As a stick figure when young I could eat anything, in any quantity and remain skeletal thin ... no more If I eat foods like bread rolls or pizza or even potato I bloat up, almost immediately. By next morning I look like I've gained 5 pounds. So I've had to change what I eat and the quantity and really pay attention to eating three times a day but in reasonably small quantities ... not diet small quantities, but enough to get me to the next meal without overloading. I have a tendency to only eat when I feel hungry and by then I'm quite hungry and I suspect I overeat.

 

Ultimately I think eating relatively small, without carbs (or reducing as much as humanly possible) and often, three meals with lunch being the biggest, along with exercise, even if that means an hour walk in the evening or morning, is sorta working for me.

 

Cutting out snack food and soda and some sort of daily exercise has made the biggest difference for me - its raising my metabolism.

 

Oh, one other thing, I've always suffered with bad sleep patterns and I'm trying really hard to get _at least_ 8 hours a day now ... more if possible. Sleep deprivation can have a real and big effect on metabolism and tends to make one want to snack ... to keep blood sugar levels up ... are you getting enough sleep?