14 year relationship of pure hell. 2 weeks away from a wedding

[loveletters206]

You don't love him, you are a codependent.. love is NOT anything resembling what sick toxic **** the two of you have.

Take control, leave him and block him entirely and get some counselling to uncover why you accept this rubbish...I feel that one of your parents was either alcoholic or abandoned you and you accept poor treatment as it's all you know and feels familiar.

 

I understand how you feel as I'm helping from dysfunctional relationship with a malignant narcissist

 

 

Yes, my father was an alcoholic who abused my siblings, mom and I. I'm now 29 so I don't have to deal with his crap anymore but the treatment I endured for my entire life still effects me. I don't feel wanted or loved or accepted by my father, or anyone. Sometimes when I upset my boyfriend, like today, I accidentally opened his car door too hard while we were going into a store, it hit a barrier and left a dent on his new car. We walked into the store and he was so pissed but remained quiet. I felt so awful like I wanted to crawl into a ball and just die. I went back to the car while he shopped because I felt so scared and nervous I was going to hear his wrath. All I could think of in that moment was how stupid I am. It reminded me of the time I accidentally broke our home phone (in the 90s) as a kid and my dad called me STUPID over it.

 

I hate it. I was signed up for counseling after I lost my baby but the therapist just seemed so young and inexperienced I opted out.

[BaileyB]

Find another counsellor. Without a doubt, it will be the best thing that you can do for yourself, if you find a good counsellor.

 

I would say that you have quite obviously replaced your father with your boyfriend. You went from one controlling, abusive man to another.

 

Stop the cycle. Don't marry this man.

[beautifulinside2]

The End...

[road]

I'm already going to start school in September. I have my future planned out for myself. I have my own apartment and a job. I don't rely on him for anything except that we share a phone line for the past 7 years. I wasn't entirely honest and faithful myself but he pushed me to my breaking point.

 

 

1. I love that he's generous and willing to help when he can.

2. I love that we share the same sense of humor, music, food & we love our pets and doing simple things together.

3. He's honestly the best I've ever had (sexually) and I don't feel comfortable having sex with anyone else other than him.

....

 

and I don't know, i can't think of much right now I feel too hurt and upset from everything he said last night. Maybe my reasonings are stupid as to why I love him but... He was my first love, first everything..

 

Best sex is never good enough to stay for the abuse. Dump him.

[anika99]

My dad was (& still is) an alcoholic and very abusive to my siblings and I. My mom stuck with him for years and they're still together. My dad calls my mom names and makes fun of her weight constantly. Prettty much anything my boyfriend has said to me, my dad has said to my mom.

 

My dad would get angry with me when I was a teenager, I would lock myself in my room for 9+ hours after school to avoid him, and come out past midnight to sneak to the fridge for something to eat. One time he caught me and turned on the lights and proceeded to yell at me how HE bought that food and I was living in HIS house and if I didn't like it to move out. He would always drive my little bro to school and he made me take the metro. My brothers school was across the street from mine. I was around 15-17 during this time. (the beginning days of my relationship). My dad has always hated me for some reason. There is more to my childhood than just this, this isn't even the tip of the ice berg. But I've always felt unwanted and unloved by my dad, like I'm trying to do so much just for him to appreciate me.

 

Sometimes I feel the same way with my boyfriend. I just want him to accept me and I keep trying.

 

Your attachment to your boyfriend is so obviously a symptom and a continuation of your dysfunctional childhood. You have a lifetime of dysfunction to unpack and sort out. Do not marry your boyfriend. Get help for yourself. Shop around for a counsellor until you find one you like. Since your father was/is an alcoholic and there is substance abuse in your relationship now, consider joining an Al-Anon group. Also there is a similar group called adult children of alcoholics or ACOA for short. I attended meetings in both of those groups many years ago when I lived with an alcoholic and they helped me immensely. Sometimes you have to shop around for a group that you can click with too as they can vary a lot based on the people who attend.

 

In the beginning its hard to break away from our past and to choose a different and better path. We are hard wired to want to stick with what we know even when it's painful because it's less scary than changing and going down a path we've never been on before. Picture yourself standing at a fork in the road. You have to choose a path. One path is the same path you have been on your whole life. You know this path well. You know it's riddled with pain and misery with some very small stretches of happiness sprinkled in here and there but it's mostly a very painful route. You don't like the path but from travelling on it so long you know how to navigate it and so you feel safe on it although unhappy. Then there's the other path. You've never been on it. The start of it looks pretty bumpy and scary and lonely but you've heard it leads to somewhere really wonderful. The early journey down the unknown path is rough going and very difficult to navigate but it winds up at a place where there is inner peace, contentment and joy. The familiar easier to navigate path doesn't lead anywhere good, it's actually just a loop that you keep circling and having the same negative experiences over and over again. Which path are you going to choose?