"Are you sure about reconnecting?"

[Murmillo]

Agreed with frigginlost.

 

It's actually a well-written letter, but unfortunately, you're operating under the impression that there's an arrangement of words capable of changing her mind. There isn't.

 

Just know that while this is obviously a personal situation to you that feels unbelievably unique, many, many, many people have been down this road before. They have delivered monologues or written letters or emails using the same framework of your letter. And honestly, man, it just doesn't make much of a difference. Certainly not in the way the person delivering the message hopes.

 

Very well said and I guess you are right.

 

I must say that I feel a bit less vulnerable at the moment (what a bit of sun can do to a person).

 

Here is the thing, I have written unsent letters to her before, during moments of vulnerability. I always read them again when I felt stronger again and then felt a great sense of relief for not having sent it.

 

With this letter... I have that feelings less....

 

I might also be a bit biased. I wrote her a letter one year ago after a lot of fighting to which she replied beautifully... That was at a point where I thought I pushed her so far away that I would never hear from her again. After this letter she seemed to be warming up a bit again but then I ruined it again by chasing.

[Murmillo]

I still need to reply to her 'It needs more time' comment.

 

A small 'that's ok, I understand' is enough I assume?

[Blanco]

No, I don't think you should respond to that. The message from her sounded like someone who is far off from wanting to be face-to-face with you, so I would say that the ball is now in her court.

 

As for you not being sure about leaving the letter unsent: It's difficult to compare the current situation to past instances where you wrote a letter and did not send it. I would bet that in a year or two, if you were to come across the letter after you have moved on and things aren't so raw, you'll have the same sense of relief about not sending it that you've had before.

[frigginlost]

I still need to reply to her 'It needs more time' comment.

 

A small 'that's ok, I understand' is enough I assume?

 

Nope. You don't need to reply.

 

Think of the reasoning why you are wanting to send it. It's not truly "ok", with you because you really want to meet with her. What you're hoping for, is for her to reply so you can gauge further on where she stands.

 

We've all been there.

 

The problem is, if she does not respond or does and gives you nothing else you can analyze, you set yourself up to start probing again, and again, and again. That leads to bad things happening (clingy, pushy, etc).

 

She knows entirely where you stand.

[Murmillo]

Nope. You don't need to reply.

 

Think of the reasoning why you are wanting to send it. It's not truly "ok", with you because you really want to meet with her. What you're hoping for, is for her to reply so you can gauge further on where she stands.

 

We've all been there.

 

The problem is, if she does not respond or does and gives you nothing else you can analyze, you set yourself up to start probing again, and again, and again. That leads to bad things happening (clingy, pushy, etc).

 

She knows entirely where you stand.

 

This is something where I don't agree with. Not responding would indicate being buthurt. We have always been polite towards each other, no matter how heated our arguments could get after the break up. We never ignored each other.

[dumbass2]

This is something where I don't agree with. Not responding would indicate being buthurt. We have always been polite towards each other, no matter how heated our arguments could get after the break up. We never ignored each other.

 

When someone asks you a question and you do not reply, that is ignoring. She did not ask you a question. She just stated a fact. She needs more time. You're not okay with it so do not pretend that you are. This does not need a response and she wont be butt hurt if you do not send anything. Leave it alone and if she wants to contact you again she will, but stop contacting her and trying to force things. She has told you what she wants, now respect her request.

[kortz]

This is something where I don't agree with. Not responding would indicate being buthurt. We have always been polite towards each other, no matter how heated our arguments could get after the break up. We never ignored each other.

 

It'll get you no where. I always thought this too with my ex, we were always so respectful and never ignored each other at any point but what's done is done. The fact is if she wanted to be with you she would. All this stuff about being unsure or confused, it's all just a way of saying I don't want to be with you without being so blunt.

 

You can convince yourself all you want that one more message might help, or one letter might clear things up or one more conversation might make a difference...it won't. You need to go no contact and as many others have said already and move on. Whether she comes back in the future is not relevant because she doesn't want you now and you cannot put your life on hold hoping she might change her mind.

 

You also need to give her space and time, and that isn't a few days or weeks, its a few months at least. And if after that you haven't heard from her then you have your answer but hopefully you will have been focusing on moving on so it won't be so bad.