hopelesslover12345 Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 So I met this girl in college at the time she had a boyfriend they had been dating for almost 4 years. apparently, she always thought I was good looking but couldn't act upon it because she had a boyfriend. I became great friends with her very close we became best friends until her bf cheated on her and they broke up in February. I was her shoulder to cry on until 2 weeks after she approached me to become friends with benefits I accepted the other and we've been having sex ever since then. But the catch is she treats it like a relationship, and always wants to see me and hang out with me. I expressed my feelings a while back and she said I was a great guy but she doesn't want to date me I was very devastated. we continued to have sex it even got to the point we would get hotels for the night because she wanted a sleepover with me. we text all the time but the thing is she's interested in this guy and told me that if they start talking we would have to end things. why say FWB when you treat it like a relationship? its obvious I have feelings for her and I think she does too but for so long I thought she didn't wanna date because of what happened with her ex but now she says she's interested in someone that's not me I'm very confused and lost. I would drop everybody like a bad habit just for her but she doesn't want to pursue me like that? Am I getting used or tell me something I don't see. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 She isn't interested in being with you except casually. She doesn't want to keep you and is interested in something else. If you're smart, you'll tell her now that you are too invested to just be FWB and don't want to stick around while she finds a boyfriend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelesslover12345 Posted July 8, 2017 Author Share Posted July 8, 2017 I did that a while back and she told me straight up she only views me as a friend and I'm a great guy but she's not the right girl for me. she treats it as a relationship tho always wanting to see me i just fear if she and that guy get serious ill get pushed to the side and be a second choice which im nobody's second choice Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelesslover12345 Posted July 8, 2017 Author Share Posted July 8, 2017 Why am I so susceptible to getting friend zoned. I'm a nice guy but I wonder if I come off as too friendly and that is the reason why? why don't girls no a days like friendships then turn into relationship now a days they jump right into the talking phase Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Loads of reasons. You are likely hiding your sexual attraction, you are trying to negotiate desire (can I fix your car? Need a lift somewhere? etc), and you are putting off being rejected. Most common rejection I get by a very long way is "I have a boyfriend", aka a boyfriend rejection. Women who respect you as a man know that you'll make a move, and they won't attempt to put you in the friendzone. If you are getting put there repeatedly, then you need more self-esteem. There was this one guy that I used to know who was really badly friendzoned by women, whom my ex nicknamed "the little dog" (English wasn't her first language). Women just don't have the appropriate respect for friendzoned guys - and you can't love what you don't respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 you don't need ask questions here, you know what's going on. it is what it is, she's fickle, you can enjoy what you have when you have it, or you can drop her and go have fun with your friends. She may be a cool piece of pie; but that's all she is. don't invest emotionally in this. enjoy the ride, or don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelesslover12345 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 So I shouldn't even worry because it is what it is and I can't change it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelesslover12345 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 After months of being fwb and getting close can best friends become close like they were once before the sex started to happen? or is it too far that not even a friendship can happen Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Merged three threads on the same general topic from this new member into ISO. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 There is no mystery here, she told you exactly how it is. If you want, continue having casual sex with her, but you already know it will eventually end. I think she might be rebounding, and that's why she's treating it like a relationship. She misses that connection with her ex, so you'll do for now. Once she finds a new guy, I'm sure her constantly texting you will also stop, and she'll start ignoring your messages. She'll probably just disappear from your life. If you have feelings for this girl, I'm sorry but it's really likely this won't end well for you. So yeah she's using you, but it's your own choice to go along with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Maybe being too nice a guy is your problem. Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 I did that a while back and she told me straight up she only views me as a friend and I'm a great guy but she's not the right girl for me. she treats it as a relationship tho always wanting to see me i just fear if she and that guy get serious ill get pushed to the side and be a second choice which im nobody's second choice Oh but you are second choice. From the outset she's told you she just wanted sex, to be fair to her she's been very clear but you don't seem to be listening. What part of I don't want a relationship with you don't you get? Even now when she's starting to see another guy you just can't seem to get it into your head she doesn't want a relationship citing confusion and "being lost". If she's seeing someone else then it's best to just stop everything because whether it's this guy or another she's scouting for boyfriend and you're just her safe place to land so she's not alone while she's searching. Heck even now while she's chatting up this guy and sleeping with you in a way she's kind of emotionally cheating on him. You caught feeling. Step away and save yourself a lot of grief, consign this girl to "hands distance" and go find a girl you can have something more fulfilling with, because right now you're investing yourself in someone whose just taking withdrawals and not putting anything back! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 I was her shoulder to cry on until 2 weeks after she approached me to become friends with benefits I accepted the other and we've been having sex ever since then.. That was your mistake. YOU saw the fwb as your chance to get close to her but being fwbs with anyone is a very poor way into a proper relationship. People want a fwb as they DO NOT want a real relationship, they want to keep their options open. She did not offer you anything else but an arrangement for sex, which you agreed to, and has been very open with you. She has not friend zoned you, you did that all by yourself. Anyone who goes into a fwb situation with "feelings" invariably gets hurt. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Why am I so susceptible to getting friend zoned. I'm a nice guy but I wonder if I come off as too friendly and that is the reason why? why don't girls no a days like friendships then turn into relationship now a days they jump right into the talking phase Most friends and acquaintances who complained to me about being friendzoned pursued a woman who was clearly not interested in hope that she would change her mind. But they didn't have a chance to begin with, for a myriad of reasons. It's the male version of the idea of being able to change somebody, but it never works out. I can see how FWB situations would make you very susceptible to that, and I know myself well enough to avoid FWB like the plague. The reason is generally not that you are too nice of a guy, but that you picked the wrong woman. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goldenlotus Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Absolutely agree with CptInsano. Being nice is NEVER the problem. I'm sorry to say that while this girl likes you as a friend and might have some attraction to you, she does not reciprocate your romantic feelings. It's a sucky reality but there it is. The reasons why don't matter. There's nothing wrong with you. Both men and women tend to bond when they have sex. It's hormonal. You will feel better if you get out and start dating, and distance yourself a bit from this girl. Once you have other options or even just start spending time with other women you are attracted to, the bond between you will loosen. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I did that a while back and she told me straight up she only views me as a friend and I'm a great guy but she's not the right girl for me. she treats it as a relationship tho always wanting to see me i just fear if she and that guy get serious ill get pushed to the side and be a second choice which im nobody's second choice Which is why you should stop seeing her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Unfortunately, this is the nature of a FWB situation. It is difficult to disconnect feelings from sex, no matter what anyone says. FWB situations are basically one or both parties having their cake and eat it too. You get the physical and emotional gratification of sex but, according to the "rules" both parties are supposed to have both feet out the door as well. I don't get involved in purely physical relationships because of this very issue. To be blunt, I struggle to sleep with someone that I don't have feelings for or I develop those feelings at some point so it just doesn't work for me. So, I would weigh the benefits of everything. If the sex is worth this frustration and the probability that almost inevitability that it will end, then continue it. If it's not, then cut things off with her. Just bear in mind that you there's a slim chance that you will have the same friendship with her that you had before. And, that is another reason why I avoid FWB relationships; I don't want to risk losing that friendship by getting involved sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
Novz Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 (edited) I would drop everybody like a bad habit just for her but she doesn't want to pursue me like that? Am I getting used or tell me something I don't see. Cut the string ASAP. She was never into you other than her sex provider, hopeless lover. I am sorry. Let's make it direct, move on. Edited August 1, 2017 by Novz Link to post Share on other sites
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