Affair sex. The best sex ever?

[elaine567]

First words out of most BW's mouth is, "Do you love her?"

 

First words out of most BH's mouth is, "Did you **** him?"

 

Totally different points of view for most BH's and BW's.

 

Mainly because the WH did not love the OW/MW. Almost exclusively the WW is in love and sleeps with the OM. That is what hurts the BH. The physical betrayal.

 

Yes, but most women are very keen on comparing themselves to other women and a lot of a woman's sexuality and desire is dependent on her man finding her to be very "hot".

The fact that her husband sought out an OW is often a huge blow to her self confidence and self esteem. She is no longer "hot", someone else is now "hotter" and that can matter a lot to some women.

She may or may not want him sexually but the fact he has taken his "business" off somewhere else can still be devastating.

She wants to hear the sex was awful and the OW was somehow "less than", otherwise she is left feeling rejected and superseded, by what appears to be a better model.

[wmacbride]

First words out of most BW's mouth is, "Do you love her?"

 

First words out of most BH's mouth is, "Did you **** him?"

 

Totally different points of view for most BH's and BW's.

 

Mainly because the WH did not love the OW/MW. Almost exclusively the WW is in love and sleeps with the OM. That is what hurts the BH. The physical betrayal.

 

I'm not a guy, so I can't speak to how guys feel.

 

i just get sick of people assuming that just because an affair was emotional, it won't hurt a guy, and that an affair where it's only about sex hurts less for a woman. It's almost as if, to some, these forms of cheating are almost okay, since they are not "what would hurt a man or woman the most".

 

The guys I have met were hurt every bit by both the physical and emotional aspects of cheating. I know of one guy who was especially hut, as his wife ad always told him that she had never been able to open up emotionally with anyone the way she was with him.

Then she cheated, and it broke him ( and i say that literally, he has never been the same since). Not only did she open up to someone else the way he had been told was unique to their relationship, it had taken him a long time to be able to open up and trust anyone, but he had put int he effort with her.

 

It felt like a stab in the heart that went all the way through to the back to find out she had been having an emotional affair. From what he told me, at least if his wife had been cheating for sex, it was something he could work on to improve for her. The emotional aspect was different as he had always tried to be there for her ( she sad as much herself) and he wasn't enough for her.

 

He was never able to get past that, and they divorced.

[wmacbride]

Yes, but most women are very keen on comparing themselves to other women and a lot of a woman's sexuality and desire is dependent on her man finding her to be very "hot".

The fact that her husband sought out an OW is often a huge blow to her self confidence and self esteem. She is no longer "hot", someone else is now "hotter" and that can matter a lot to some women.

She may or may not want him sexually but the fact he has taken his "business" off somewhere else can still be devastating.

She wants to hear the sex was awful and the OW was somehow "less than", otherwise she is left feeling rejected and superseded, by what appears to be a better model.

 

This can be especially painful if a woman has a low self esteem to start with.

 

I remember those days. Even though my spouse never really compared us intentionally, he did without intending to, and if he wasn't doing it, I was, in my own mind.

 

I may not be the most romantic person in the world, but I there are times when I'm very pragmatic. I have never been confident in my appearance, and to be honest, I'm not overly social either, as people scare the hell out of me and I am a huge introvert. My spouse cheating brought back every insecurity, and every time I'd been teased for being such a gangly, nerdy, geeky kid with the crappy haircut and huge glasses came right back.

 

I felt so horrible. After all, the ow was younger, prettier and certainly much more outgoing. What the frick did i have to offer?

 

Op, what you are experiencing is completely normal, and it will eventually diminish. Keep in mind that you are not responsible for your husband cheating. you could have been the ideal combination of henrietta homemaker, cathy the millionaire career girl , Miss Universe and the happy hooker of horny street and he would still have cheated. This is because he didn't cheat because of you, he cheated because of him.

 

Whether the sex with his ow was earth shattering or about as exciting as waiting for a three minute egg to boil really doesn't matter, and it is no reflection on you at all. A man who loves you will cherish intimacy with you, and the emotional connection between the two of you will be what counts. You two will fall asleep in each other's arms, and none of this will matter to you anymore.

 

My wish for you, hell my wish for anyone who has been hurt by an affair, is for all of us to reach that place, no matter whether we were an bs, ws or om/ow. Surely, we are all worthy of that.

[road]

First words out of most BW's mouth is, "Do you love her?"

 

First words out of most BH's mouth is, "Did you **** him?"

 

Totally different points of view for most BH's and BW's.

 

Mainly because the WH did not love the OW/MW. Almost exclusively the WW is in love and sleeps with the OM. That is what hurts the BH. The physical betrayal.

 

BP, on the money.

[Superchicken]

I'm not a guy, so I can't speak to how guys feel.

 

i just get sick of people assuming that just because an affair was emotional, it won't hurt a guy, and that an affair where it's only about sex hurts less for a woman. It's almost as if, to some, these forms of cheating are almost okay, since they are not "what would hurt a man or woman the most"......

 

Its not that it doesn't hurt us guys, or we accept one over the other.

Cheating to us, is a double sided sword.

It cuts us in two directions.

Some look in one direction, others in the opposite.

Over time, we do recognise both sides of the wounds..

Each hurts as much as the other. Some of us possible look at the least hurt, and try to go on and reconcile, while others, take off and hit the road.

 

 

So what is right here..

What action is the right action to take ?.

Who's to say ones feelings is more painful than the others just because he chooses one form of cheating (EA) over the other (PA).

 

 

 

 

Ted.