Bad circumstances

[Missmargot2]

Hello, so this is a sticky situation. I was raised the eldest of three daughter, by lesbians, who think men are the devil's spawn(not really, but they did always put them in a negative light). The rest of my family being conservative italians. I've always had a weird vision of what I wanted as a relationship as a result- I wanted a husband to work, he could check and do as he pleased, as long as I could stay home and adopt five or more kids.

 

That was my entire goal- love would just be a bonus, as I barely even believed in it, seeing every single adult relationship I knew fall apart- including my parents, who stayed together simply because they were too proud to sell the house they'd had built. So, fast forward: against all odds, and desire, I fell in love. Southern gentleman, smart as hell, great with both my sister's(which is an awful hard task, one having extreme anger issues and the other being the most spoiled brat to ever grace this earth- the results of one being 15, and the other an attempt to reconcile my parents relationships, was 3), and he didn't care that id had an awful emo phase and everyone remembered me as the girl who wore cat fangs!

 

We met in English, over Mario kart on the DS. It was perfect, and I was determined not to end like my mom. I'd safely say it was a perfect relationship- we respected eachother, we refused to raise our voice or bring up things that had no relevance to our current argument, etc. But then we graduated. And, in my mother's latest realization that she wasn't legally responsible for me, recently turned 18, promptly booted me out. I was homeless, angry, and ended up needing my boyfriend a lot. I slept over for days, I became needy, we ended up dealing with things no 18 year old couple should, like if I got hurt and we had to scrape up money for the bill since I no longer had my mom's insurance, or how I lost my job when I totaled my car and couldn't afford to feed myself.

 

All this, while he was struggling to support me- and make it through his first year of college two hours away. So, Valentine's day, and he'd planned out this adorable dance for us, but then had too much homework and I'd been in a bad mood from hitch-hiking to his school(which he hadn't known I'd done, thinking I'd managed to convince a friend to bring me) and he was rather short with me, in a way that I would have understood and forgiven before, but had made me cry for hours in my new found extreme need of him.

 

I became who I never thought I'd be- i read a page of his journal, telling myself I'd read him say he still loved me and be done with it. I flipped to a page, and found, to my horror, he'd cheated on me. It shouldn't have bothered me- after all, I had SAID my whole life I wouldn't care, and yet I did. So I asked him. He denied it. I couldn't bring myself to admit what I'd done, and let it go. But a few months later I caught him being extra close to a female friend of his, whom I'd never liked, and i asked him to swear on my life he'd never cheated. He did. It crushed me.

 

But still, I was determined to make us work, because I loved him, and because I needed him to survive. I turned 19, got a good job, a new car, and a roommate (a childhood friend and I scraped money together and bought a small camper). My life was good. But I was ravenously jeaulous, constantly accusing him of cheating on me. I lost the job- boss died, new boss didn't need me, the roof of my camper fell through. I needed him again, his support and house, and I could see him resenting it a bit.

 

His mom, who has always loved me, even urging me to get therapy over the abuse from my parents and offering to pay(physical and emotional- my boyfriend had been understanding in the beginning, recently just yells at me to suck it up) has also started to resent me, asking how long I'm staying THIS time and giving me smaller food portions. I couldn't take it- so I told him, that I knew, and that I couldn't trust him at all because of the swearing a lie on my life. He cried, he told me it was a mistake and he loved me, and he was just stressed that my life was so unfair, begging me to stay for the next three years so he could make me his wife and support us.

 

I agreed to stay- asking only that he see we had BOTH betrayed eachother trust, done something wrong, and would try to be honest from now on. But, it's been weeks since then, and I can't bring myself to trust a word he says. I'm angry, sad, bitchy, all the time. It feels like I'm losing the spark. And I just don't know what to do, because I truly believe if I'd had a loving, normal mom, we could've been the high school sweethearts to make it to marriage.

 

We were perfect together, we had honesty, respect, similar brows on parenting and politics, and he had wanted me to be a stay at home mom. I just don't want my mother to have ruined another part of my life. I want to get rid of my constant mistrust. I need him, and to be honest, so do my sister's. He and I had put money aside for the older one, shell graduate high school in two years, and I will have to house her, and put her through college, but I had to use that money, and I'm so worried if we don't make it, it's a sign I won't make it at all.

 

I just dont know what to do.

Edited July 10, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

{{hugs}} really I want to crawl through this computer & hug you. You have had it rough.

 

Your relationship with your BF is not perfect. It's just the only thing you know. His mom sounds very sweet Glad she's in your corner. Take her up on paying for therapy.

 

How goes the job search?

 

Just because your mom kicked you out, have you tried seeking support from your extended conservative Italian family? Is there a grandmother, an aunt, uncle or cousin who could give you a place to live?

 

You can't stay with your BF simply because you have no where else to live. That is what is going on here. Your relationship with him has run it's course but he's too compassionate to render you homeless.

 

Best wishes.

[Space Ritual]

I just dont know what to do.

 

Yes you do, You've known it since you looked at his journal.

 

And it is the same answer now that it would have been then. And that is to get as far away from this guy as possible.

 

You have survived some hardships already at a young age and have come out ok. And you will come out ok with this one as well.

 

Love yourself enough to remember what inner strength and intestinal fortitude you possess and leave Mister Cheater in the dust.

 

You deserve so much better, and indeed you know that as well.