grays Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 because it sure would be nice to have someone to put their arms around me and give me some affection while Im dealing w all these *******s. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 grays, Someone once cynically said to me; "Marriage is like a field with a fence around it - all the people on the inside are trying to get out, and all the people on the inside are trying to get in" The point I'm making is that being married doesn't solve all your problems. look at all the post on this board by people who have marriage/relationship issues. Yes, we would all like to have someone come along and "kiss it better" when we are feeling low, but unfortunately that doesn't always happen. That's life - sorry to be the bearer of bad news Hang on in there - you can work through this. x. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author grays Posted July 10, 2017 Author Share Posted July 10, 2017 Thanks, AW. I know youre right. Being in the marriage I had would not be better than where Im at now. For the most part, Ive been very happy in my single life. Just recently I let my guard down and I shouldnt have. Makes me wish I didnt live in a world where you pretty much gotta keep your armor on at all times. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 Sometimes it's better to take that risk to remind yourself that you are better off the way you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
avvril3000 Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 grays, Someone once cynically said to me; "Marriage is like a field with a fence around it - all the people on the inside are trying to get out, and all the people on the inside are trying to get in" The point I'm making is that being married doesn't solve all your problems. look at all the post on this board by people who have marriage/relationship issues. Yes, we would all like to have someone come along and "kiss it better" when we are feeling low, but unfortunately that doesn't always happen. That's life - sorry to be the bearer of bad news Hang on in there - you can work through this. x. I dont think everyone agrees to that "field" analogy. marriage can be very beautiful, loving, nurturing, fulfilling too. its all about who you decide to marry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 wish I could be married while I'm single -- This is a "have your cake and eat it too" mindset. That's something you will have to put away if you do want to get married. Because, after you're married, you will be saying "wish I could be single while I'm married". Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I dont think everyone agrees to that "field" analogy. marriage can be very beautiful, loving, nurturing, fulfilling too. its all about who you decide to marry. Considering the divorce rate is 60%+, I would say most people do. Though I completely agree with your statement of finding the right person to marry. I've seen few marriages that were happy. People are in such a rush to get married they forget they are supposed to spend the rest of their life with the person. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 What you said made me think it was a self-fulfilling prophecy and that if you were married, right now you'd be out cheating on your wife seeking sympathy and validation because your marriage isn't as easy as you hoped. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 IMO a good middle ground is having some close, solid friendships. Depending on whom one chooses for friends and what one offers as friendship, those relationships can be amazingly supportive and affectionate. Sure, no sex but you're looking for that from romantic partners anyway, which is why you're dating. No free lunch. Relationships are two-way streets. Part of getting a good partner or friend is being a good partner or friend. It's moving off neutral. Takes effort, thought and care. Sure there will be problems along the way. Life is like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 People have open marriages. Could be a choice for you. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 Do you have any family??? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 Funny, my ex wanted to play single while being married. I divorced so he could live the life he was deceiving me to live. He doesn't enjoy single life while being single. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grays Posted July 15, 2017 Author Share Posted July 15, 2017 (edited) Do you have any family??? TFY No, actually. My only living family are my two sons who're still in grade school. Family would probably help a lot. What you said made me think it was a self-fulfilling prophecy and that if you were married, right now you'd be out cheating on your wife seeking sympathy and validation because your marriage isn't as easy as you hoped. Its not so sinister. Just had a really rough spot with a guy ive bedn dating for about five months. I wish I had someone to hug me and really get me while im down, thats all. I really dont think this is in any way related to cheating. I was married for 25 years, never once cheated. You paint me to be a pretty horrible person. Eek. Im a woman, btw. ETA: i wonder if you and the five people who liked your post all really think whoever wrote that OP must be a lying manipulating cheater. I would not have thought youd all think that. I was just feeling hurt and lonely. You all really like to kick a person when theyre down. smh Also seems very likely to me that your assumption that I am a man was what led you to believe i was a lying cheating manipulator. If you thought i was a woman i bet you woulda had a whole different view of it. Not all guys are awful you know. Edited July 15, 2017 by grays Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 That's a good one aries, me's gotta write that one down. But yeah , it would be damn nice again, l admit. Sadly though even in marriage, we often still neglect or miss out on those beautiful simple parts of it. If l could have mine over that's one thing l'd change, l'd do a lot lot more of that stuff. Funny though you talk about the armor. l even heard a line from the bible once , nope l'm not religious at all , but it really surprised me because apparent even God advises you to always have your armor ready. or something like that. That sorta through me , unfortunately it's so often true in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 The most miserable people I know are married. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 I understand how you feel. I've been fortunate to have a few long term FWB relationships. The closest I've come to having just that - relatively stable intimacy while remaining single. It's not for everybody though. For whatever reason, most people don't seem to be able to maintain them long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 The most miserable people I know are married. ...interesting. I've seen a lot of miserable single people pretending being single was okay. In the end, at this point in my life, I would prefer a monogamous relationship w/o the marriage with an intelligent, hot, athletic, professional woman. Not asking for much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grays Posted July 15, 2017 Author Share Posted July 15, 2017 I understand how you feel. I've been fortunate to have a few long term FWB relationships. The closest I've come to having just that - relatively stable intimacy while remaining single. It's not for everybody though. For whatever reason, most people don't seem to be able to maintain them long term. Me, too! I think i actually texted my FWB about the same time i started this thread. We've been seeing each other for over a year now and we have a really nice thing. We have this awesome routine staying up talking for hours and he listened to my story about the guy I was having trouble with and was very sweet about it. I was so happy to be able to lean on him a little and I think he felt good about being there for me. It was pretty great and helped a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 No, actually. My only living family are my two sons who're still in grade school. Family would probably help a lot. Well...Then maybe it's time to take a step away from men and focus that energy on your kids...You don't need to shut off that part of you, but perhaps it's taken more out of you than you can handle at this time..Be more passive about it, and think more about those kids...They need you now, more than ever.. You can never count on people you meet on the street to always be your rock of strength when you are down...Remember, before you met them you were nothing but a face in the crowd to them...They can and often will, let you down... Having a relationship partner and all that entails is nice, but it should never be the "be all and end all"....Don't get bogged down by that...Maybe you need to take a break... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author grays Posted July 15, 2017 Author Share Posted July 15, 2017 My kids are everything to me. Im totally devoted to them, was a stay at home mom for 12 years. Now that im working, i manage to do just about all my work when theyre with their dad. The 50% that Im with them Im totally there with them. I am not dating at the expense of my children and their dad, who has given up much of his time with them to be with his affair partner, I bet has never been told its better to stay home with the kids rather than try to have a happy fulfilling life. I know your post was coming from a good place. But its rough if being a single mom precludes me from trying to have a satisfying romantic life. I really dont think it should. And dating is hard. If I do it there are gonna be rough spots. I dont wanna stop hoping for and trying to find what I need because this particular guy didnt work out. It was a hard three days for me, but it didnt affect my kids at all and its not going to deter me from trying to make myself a satisfying life. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 The most miserable people I know are married. That is damn funny. Come to think of it l could say the same for a lot of people l know or see about too. Link to post Share on other sites
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