Jealous of GF's interactions with Ex-BF?FWB? as of late. Justified?

[lolablue17]

The one response of "She's lieing about their past relationship" tho I can say that I have never specifically asked about it so to say.

 

Your making a big mistake. This exactly how you ruin a relationship . It doesn't matter if you didn't spesifically ask. If I have a brother, and I present him as a friend, I'm a liar. I can say "But my brother is also my best friend", but come on... Now, in this case why would she call her Ex "a friend", and didn't mention anything about banging him in the past? It didn't happen accidently. Belive me, she knows exactly what she's doing. She is arranging her excuses for quite a time. She is well prepared for every scenario.

 

I read what she replied to you. I cannot know of course, but I believe her about loving you, and about her not cheating. I really do. But the other stuff is just a bunch of white lies.

 

Don't think for a second that she's not fully aware of everything. She had her answer well prepared in advance. She was ready for you to raise it. She's way a head of you.

 

If you love her and want a future with her, you must LEAD, you must take the wheel and take this (relation)ship to a solid safe place - Which means - NO MORER LIES, ene white lies or small lies.

 

Tell her that after hiding from you that she was banging him in the past, and for an interest (so you wouldn't care about her shatting with him all the time), you don't trust her anymore with this guy. If she was honetst from the beginning, you could have allowed it. But now, you don't trust her, s you're asking her to stop communication with him almost to zero level.

 

Does she say she loves you? Love is expressed with actions not only words, and by hiding and lying to you, she has proved that she may not love you so much, because you don';t lie to people you love. These are YOUR standards, This is YOUR way and you're not going to change in that matter. the question is can she addopt those standards because until now she hasn't.

Edited July 11, 2017 by lolablue17

[Space Ritual]

Shes also been bugging me to take better care of myself. I commute an hour each way to work and work shift work and shes pressuring me to quit and take a lower paying job closer to home. Says we can make some financial changes cause shes tired of the stress it puts on me.

 

I dont know...I think she means well but I always worry any ounce of 'nice' from people or affection is just them having ulterior motives lol

 

I dont know, its like a roller coaster.

 

Yeah go ahead and take a lower paying job. That will create a ready made excuse in the future as in why she seeks the attention of Soldier Boy.So when you have an argument over money, then she can Snapchat with Soldier Boy about what a bum you are. And he will soothe her and then smooth her.

 

What she is doing right now is called "Love Bombing". It is a time honored tactic used by those that wish to throw their partner a bone out of a guilt pang. All the while they are thinking about the other person. It is devised to get you to stop thinking about what she is doing.

 

Smart? She isn't THAT smart. If she was you'd never have the gut feeling you have. Just be advised that no matter how smart we think people are, eventually they believe their own press, get sloppy, and screw up.

 

Soldier Boy and her are carrying a flame for each other and she is simply obfuscating this all and gaslighting you because of distance.

 

If he was stateside I assure you they would hook up behind you and his wife's back.

 

You are setting yourself up to eventually get your heart ripped out and stomped on by this woman.

 

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder could see this one coming.

 

Cut your losses now before you are standing on a street corner in the rain crying your eyes out wondering where it all went wrong. Because THAT is pretty much a guarantee at the present speed of your relationship.

[smackie9]

Come on now.....what real solid proof do you have beside your over active paranoid imagination? I have partied with plenty of guys, solid friendships with guys and I didn't sleep with them. Just because they had parts that fit together doesn't mean sex happened.

 

These two are just friends, they had good times together so what. everyone has moved on with their lives and happy with them too.

 

The messages show nothing, no flirting, so sexual innuendo, no talk of how bad his marriage/ her relationship is....nothing. It's no wonder she is angry.....you can't trust her to chat with a male friend. And you have all these guys on here jumping on your My GF must be cheating on me train. When get to a point you need to search through her phone, look over her shoulder, invade her privacy, then you shouldn't be in this relationship...or any.

 

Do yourself a favor and dump her already instead of finding ways to punish her for having this friend.

[Poutrew]

 

She was 'up' tempo again this morning and sweet. Not that isnt but shes, like I said, cranked it to 11 these last 3 days. Today before she left for work she reached under the sheets while I was sleeping and grabbed my d*ck! I was like "whoa, wtf?!" and she laughed and said "Hmm, guess I wont do that again" laughing. I responded by saying "Hey, wait, no..come back and get another tug in before you go" and we had a laugh.

 

 

Ummm... it wasn't your dick she was grabbing, you know that right? It was soldier boy's dick. Her 'sweetness' is bordering on morbidity - that's why you are feeling the vibe that she has an ulterior motive - because she does. She can't sex with her OM because of distance, so you are her surrogate. Don't be surprised if one day she calls out his name during orgasm...Be very careful about following her advice concerning your job. Maneuvering you into a lower paying job could be her way of creating an excuse to bash you- "He's a bum who switched his $100 k a year job for a $50 k job as a gas station attendant! I want out!" Forgotten will be her role in doing this. And Soldier Boy will be there to 'comfort' her in texts and in person when he gets back stateside....

 

Also, something is rotten in Denmark concerning him being in the military. Where is he finding the energy to be texting your wife at all hours of the day? He should be so exhausted he falls unconscious before his head hits the pillow... you are being fed a load of crap on this one from the very beginning...

[salparadise]

Come on now.....what real solid proof do you have beside your over active paranoid imagination? I have partied with plenty of guys, solid friendships with guys and I didn't sleep with them. Just because they had parts that fit together doesn't mean sex happened.

 

See, this is typical of what the "just friends" advocates are overlooking. The problem is not that anyone thinks she's currently shtupping the guy... it's that she's in relationship with two men, and OP doesn't like having to share this much of the woman he loves with another man. It's completely out of proportion relative to a normal, platonic friendship. It's a triangle, and anyone who knows anything about Bowen family system knows that you can't bring a third party into a relationship without affecting the relationship between the other two.

 

If soldier boy and the gf were spending 10 minutes a week, sending 3-4-5 texts his spidy sense wouldn't be alerting him to imminent danger. His girlfriend is INVOLVED with the guy even if she doesn't realize it yet. And I don't care how good looking his wife is, when he comes back stateside there is plenty of potential for it to get even worse... not that it needs to be worse in order to damage the relationship.

 

He feels the way he feels NOW because this secondary relationship is siphoning off the energy, trust, focus and goodwill from OP's only relationship! This would be out of proportion even if the friend were another woman, but it's not. It's a guy, and apparently a very attractive guy.

 

OP, I think you need to explain it this way to your girlfriend. Tell her you love her too, and you don't want this over-the-top friendship to ruin what you have together. Tell her it's not about sex, it's about how it makes you feel. Based on your subsequent posts I think she might understand and cool it off.

[BluesPower]

Come on now.....what real solid proof do you have beside your over active paranoid imagination? I have partied with plenty of guys, solid friendships with guys and I didn't sleep with them. Just because they had parts that fit together doesn't mean sex happened.

 

These two are just friends, they had good times together so what. everyone has moved on with their lives and happy with them too.

 

The messages show nothing, no flirting, so sexual innuendo, no talk of how bad his marriage/ her relationship is....nothing. It's no wonder she is angry.....you can't trust her to chat with a male friend. And you have all these guys on here jumping on your My GF must be cheating on me train. When get to a point you need to search through her phone, look over her shoulder, invade her privacy, then you shouldn't be in this relationship...or any.

 

Do yourself a favor and dump her already instead of finding ways to punish her for having this friend.

 

Smackie, come on please. The guy was an Ex BF/Fwb and she is still carrying a torch for him, you must be able to see that.

 

Yes he should dump her because of the EA that she is having. Not just because he is suspicious

 

And Smackie, maybe you are the only honest woman in the world and you never banged a buddy. Or ever had any intention to, but your male friends that are not gay would bang you in a heartbeat. And please don't tell me that they are different than every other man in the world, because they are not.

[doyathinkso]

And how much exactly do you know about J's wife? Like, does she really exist? All you have is her word for it. In that case why isn't he spending his very little free time conversing with his own g*d d**m wife and not your girlfriend?

[smackie9]

I'm still friends with my ex for the last 37 years...I don't carry a torch for him. What's the purpose? He's just one of the few good people I have in my life.

 

The OP is just speculating with no real proof and is molding whatever he sees into whatever meaning he wishes. If it is THAT bad for the OP, then he should just get rid of her. There problem solved.

[usa1ah]

I'm still friends with my ex for the last 37 years...I don't carry a torch for him. What's the purpose? He's just one of the few good people I have in my life.

 

The OP is just speculating with no real proof and is molding whatever he sees into whatever meaning he wishes. If it is THAT bad for the OP, then he should just get rid of her. There problem solved.

 

 

 

I know you don't talk and text every day, first thing in the morning and last thing at night smackie9.

[usa1ah]

Ooof, you guys really kicked me in the teeth reading these responses lol

 

I was kinda "ok" and feeling confident after I talked to her but now I'm back in 'stressed mode'.

 

I'm not gonna ask to see her phone just yet..I cant push myself to break that boundary just yet.

And besides, its Snapchat and even more then that...shes smart, smart enough to delete stuff.

 

Guess my only option is to keep my eyes peeled and ears open and see what happens all while preparing myself to make a hastly exit if need be.

 

She was 'up' tempo again this morning and sweet. Not that isnt but shes, like I said, cranked it to 11 these last 3 days. Today before she left for work she reached under the sheets while I was sleeping and grabbed my d*ck! I was like "whoa, wtf?!" and she laughed and said "Hmm, guess I wont do that again" laughing. I responded by saying "Hey, wait, no..come back and get another tug in before you go" and we had a laugh.

 

Shes also been bugging me to take better care of myself. I commute an hour each way to work and work shift work and shes pressuring me to quit and take a lower paying job closer to home. Says we can make some financial changes cause shes tired of the stress it puts on me.

 

I dont know...I think she means well but I always worry any ounce of 'nice' from people or affection is just them having ulterior motives lol

 

I dont know, its like a roller coaster.

 

This is why the two of you need to read Not Just Friends. Read this together. It will explain everything. It will let her see what she has been doing and what it is doing to you.

[Marc878]

Yep, you got a third in your relationship. You are doing a pretty good job at eating that crap sandwich but no matter how much mustard you put on it that tinge of crap still comes through doesn't it.

 

Why? Sounds like you're affraid to make her mad. How's that working for you?

[lolablue17]

I'm still friends with my ex for the last 37 years...I don't carry a torch for him. What's the purpose? He's just one of the few good people I have in my life.

 

Are you being shady and lie about the nature of your past with him? Are you hiding the fact that he is you ex?

Edited July 12, 2017 by lolablue17

[GoldenR]

This one is easy. You're not married. Your name isn't on the mortgage.

 

Get the hell outta there. She has no boundaries, and while nothing may be going on here (aside from deception, which I highly doubt), it's only a matter of time before the boundaries result in an all out emotional and physical affair (again, assuming it hadn't happened with this one, although I suspect it has).

 

Run!

[usa1ah]

How is it going?