Am I ruining the chances of a relationship if I sleep with him too early?

[Darla]

Okay, here is the thing.

 

I have been single for a year now and during that time I have had no sex. Shocking, I know, but I am not the kind for one-night stands and have not met a guy to have a relationship with either.

 

Now I met a really nice guy. He is cute, sweet, intelligent and apparently really interested in me. He is a guy I could see myself having a relationship with.

 

Problem is that I really fancy this guy, and would love to sleep with him, but I am worried that if we have sex on one of the first dates, this will never be more than a sexual relationship. I have read enough posts on this site to know that guys expect a woman to not give it up too early and if she does than they respect her less.

 

Normally holding out would be no biggie, but the thing is that this would be a Long-distance-relationship and we might not be able to see each other more often than once a week if at all. So it would take at least a month or so to have established some sort of relationship to know that he does not just see me as a sexual object.

 

In the past year I have been on some dates, normally not more than one or two with the same guy. Either him or myself were not interested in seeing the other again. I am worried that if I wait till we have been on 6 dates or more, I can wait forever because we never might make it to more than 2 dates.

 

So here is my dilemma, if I sleep with him too early we might never get to have a proper relationship, but if I wait till we have a proper relationship, I might never get to sleep with him.

 

So what do you think? Guys' opinions and girls' experiences would be truely appreciated.

[NYCmitch25]

I think it's ALWAYS risky idea, and also unnecessary too! Why does one ever feel that one has to sleep with a man to get him to like them? Usually the result of a gal sleeping with a guy is that he will engage in the act but not respect them (ie. other men get it that easy as well). Also, if the sex is really awkward and bad (which is likely), that might cause fallout and end the relationship as well. The best bet is to make him wait until you really trust and feel close to him then make it the last step of the relationship.

 

With that being said, trying to fit this into your situation seems simple to me -- this guy isn't the one. If you think you'll possibly *never* have the chance to sleep with him, then why force it and make it contrived? Also my opinion about long distance relationships are that they don't really work -- us humans aren't wired that way.

[Darla]

Dear NYCMitch,

 

thanks for replying, but I am not sure if I made myself clear.

 

I dont think that I need to sleep with him to make him like me, more the other way round. I am worried that if I sleep with him too early he will stop liking me and just view me as a sexual adventure.

 

So my question is should I postpone sleeping with him for at least a month even though I really fancy him (yup, british) or should I just enjoy myself and hope that it wont ruin the chances of a serious relationship?

 

I am no fan of LDR myself, but I have had a few (3) of them and they worked out. Things usually went astray long after we were living at the same place, so I know what I would be getting into, and it would be worth it for me.

 

I'd appreciate more opinions on this point.

[westernxer]

If he likes you, he'll wait until you're ready.

 

However, the long distance thing is gonna screw everything up.

 

 

[alphamale]

the better looking the woman is the longer she waits to give up the booty....

 

all women should take a lesson from their more attractive sisters. I used to know a very attractive woman we would not even think about f***ing some dude until she had been dating him for 16 wks AND after he had spent a lot of money on her

[whichwayisup]

Never rush a good thing. Take your time and just enjoy things as they are. Fool around and tease for as long as you can hold out...And then hold out alittle more.

 

Westy, I must be blind, I can't see the 'faded' IP. WTF. Maybe I'm colour blind! Sorry, I'm cracking myself up today. Must be the heat again...

 

Speaking of heat...Heading back now to the sex threads again!

[NYCmitch25]

Originally posted by Darla

Dear NYCMitch,

 

thanks for replying, but I am not sure if I made myself clear.

 

I dont think that I need to sleep with him to make him like me, more the other way round. I am worried that if I sleep with him too early he will stop liking me and just view me as a sexual adventure.

 

So my question is should I postpone sleeping with him for at least a month even though I really fancy him (yup, british) or should I just enjoy myself and hope that it wont ruin the chances of a serious relationship?

 

I am no fan of LDR myself, but I have had a few (3) of them and they worked out. Things usually went astray long after we were living at the same place, so I know what I would be getting into, and it would be worth it for me.

 

I'd appreciate more opinions on this point.

 

 

What Westernxer had stated was actually the best and most direct way to describe it: " If he likes you, he'll wait until you're ready. However, the long distance thing is gonna screw everything up.". Obviously my overly worded and fancy jibberish could have been easily summed up much quicker!..

 

 

Darla, I've understood your point of view quite well, I was being morally redundant which may have made you think that I was confused about things. What I was trying to draw out of you was what in the heck posessed you to want to sleep with a guy that is barely in the picture (assuming it's not just about sex, if it is about sex only then go for it)? You would think that good developing relationships could wait for sex even if it's in long distance form? Is your motivation that if you guys are on "that level" of intamacy that somehow it will make things work? In light of human nature, long distance relationships just don't work, we aren't wired that way; some argue that it's a part of our tribal past of smaller close-knit communities (I'm digressing) but either way it won't help this problem. Also, males can divorce sex from a relationship which means that it won't necessarily bring you guys together from his point of view (of course I don't know him, I'm only speculating).

 

Anyway, I think that you like him so much that perhaps you are prematurely rushing things along which you feel may save this relationship (or at least help it along). I guess that it is not really be that big of a deal depending on his point of view, but it seems to be an unnecessary risk which will aparently have little gain besides ending your 1yr celibacy! ;-)

 

good luck mate!

[CurlyIam]

It all depends on what you want. Given that you want a relationship, you should wait until he gets on the same level as you are emotionally and sees you as relationship material. Sex early in the relationship can mean "casual", which is not what you want.

 

 

In other words, "Patience, my love"!

[westernxer]

The two of you are gonna have so much sexual tension during your phone conversations that you'll end up pulling each other's clothes off the first time you meet. I only know because it happened to me, and it wasn't planned either. In fact, she wanted it more than I did, but I wasn't about to complain (or refuse).

 

That was the beginning of the end -- my first and last long distance romance. At least I got some, so it wasn't a total waste.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I don't think a woman should wait a specific amount of time.. You wait the amount of time that you feel is right..

 

I prefer sex on the first date.. Kinda gets rid of the dull spots right away and gives you something to talk about