Where do you meet people to date?

[confusedgirlfriend11]

Hi,

 

 

I've only recently split up from my ex but I am considering getting back out there with dating. I just wondered where people are meeting their dates?

 

 

It sees everything is online and apps now. Previously I've used quite a few different sites such as POF, Tinder, Hinge and Happn but I wondered if anyone has any recommendations?

 

 

I'm a 31 year old female living near London.

 

 

I have considered speed dating, I've done it once before and find this so much better to actually see if there's that initial 'spark' but these events can get pretty pricey.

 

 

Any other suggestions please?

 

 

Thanks.

[princessa1062]

happen, bumble, eharmoney....i've tried all 3. Bumble I met some nice people but no love connections. I have always met people in person. Go sit at a bar and pretend your waiting for a friend....guys will talk to you. : ) Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

You can meet people anywhere, just keep your eyes open:

 

 

1. Tell everybody you know that you are open to being introduced to someone.

 

 

2. Look around at work. Not your company but in your building, vendors, where you get your lunch, on your commute. Also attend industry events & networking activities

 

 

3. Join a co-ed sports team

 

 

4. Go to Meet Up groups for activities that interest you

 

 

5. Volunteer doing something you are passionate about: helping animals, the arts, fighting disease, a political campaign

 

 

6. Go to singles events / mixers

 

 

7. the grocery store, book stores, the local coffee place

 

 

8. Take or teach an adult education class (not an academic class for a grade)

 

 

9. Alumni events

 

 

Have fun!

Edited July 10, 2017 by d0nnivain

[confusedgirlfriend11]

Thanks for the suggestions. I wonder how different dating is in USA compared to UK?

 

 

I have been keeping my eyes open a lot more when I've been out and about. Eye contact and a smile but nothing as of yet.

 

 

I struggle with the apps as it's just so hard to balance it all. I'll give Bumble a try.

[d0nnivain]

Thanks for the suggestions. I wonder how different dating is in USA compared to UK?

 

 

I have been keeping my eyes open a lot more when I've been out and about. Eye contact and a smile but nothing as of yet.

 

 

I struggle with the apps as it's just so hard to balance it all. I'll give Bumble a try.

 

 

I can't speak to the differences. I'm not a fan of OLD so I can't say that one platform is better or worse then another but don't let OLD be the only thing you do.

 

 

When you make eye contact & smile, try saying hello. Nothing elaborate just hello.

 

 

Consider going to a soccer or polo match or at least a sports pub.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I went out with a friend yesterday and she and I decided we want to try speed dating, too! I want to do it for sheer social experimentation because I have no faith I'd meet a normal person. She disagrees and thinks we would. Still, I think it would be a blast.

 

To answer your question, I think when you're doing OLD you start to think that's the only way people are meeting, but I don't think it's true, and I'm preaching as much to myself here as anyone else. Yesterday while my friend and I were out, we were playing corn hole at a local brewery. Two men approached us and asked if they could play with us and we ended up hanging out with them for a few hours and had a great time. I developed a crush on one of them, but unfortunately found out he's engaged (and willing to cheat, ugh!).

 

My friend wants to start going to a weekly happy hour because she heard that you can meet people better if you pick a good place and go to the same place/become regulars, so we're gonna give that a try. She's looking to date more than I am, but I'm game to be her wing-woman .

 

Aside from that, joining a gym or crossfit I think is a good idea. Even just walking your dog, if you have one, in the park on the weekends.

[confusedgirlfriend11]

Some sound advice there - thanks.

 

 

I'm happy to try OLD but I definitely don't want that being the only thing I do. I think I need to put myself 'out there' a bit more.

 

 

I kind of want to go for a drink in a bar alone some time but if I do meet someone, how sad may they think I am going out alone?

 

 

Most of my friends are coupled up. I have a few single ones but they don't like to go out often for various reasons.

[d0nnivain]

I kind of want to go for a drink in a bar alone some time but if I do meet someone, how sad may they think I am going out alone?.

 

It may depend on the time of day & the bar. Pick some place posh, go earlier & have no more than 2 drinks.

 

If they think you are anything other than brave, kick them to the curb.

[Ieris]

@confusedgirlfriend11 ~ I think you should join classes or get involved in things that you enjoy so that you meet other people who have the same interests. It gives you something to talk about and opportunities to get together with future events. I would say, don't go into it with the intention of looking for a date but to make friends and enjoy yourself.

 

Other apps that my friends are trying are Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel, they seem to be going on regular dates. Also its easy to meet people on Instagram, I met a few boyfriends from Facebook so it doesn't always have to be apps/website specific for dating.

[TaylorW]

In general, going to the same place regularly is a good way of meeting new people/potential dates. A bar, library, some sports or other leisure activity you enjoy... Had girls having a crush on me that way when I look back at this.

 

Also just being open and acknowledging peoples presence (greeting, smiling, saying hey) especially those you see on a regular basis but never talk to is a good way to make it easier to talk to them (or they talk to you).

 

In general, getting to know more people is a good way of meeting potential dates, it's fun and you never know if they could introduce you to someone you could be interested in.

[Bastile]

Thanks for the suggestions. I wonder how different dating is in USA compared to UK?

 

 

I have been keeping my eyes open a lot more when I've been out and about. Eye contact and a smile but nothing as of yet.

 

 

I struggle with the apps as it's just so hard to balance it all. I'll give Bumble a try.

 

I'm from the outskirts of London also.

 

I don't personally take cultural dating differences seriously much. This is based on my dating of different cultures (being from around London, you will understand that multiculturalism facilitates this), the game is the same regardless.

 

I remember looking up specifics of dating Polish women once, and reading guys going on about all sorts of ridiculous practices

 

I've also approached a lot of women. I've got in a lot of conversations with women over this subject whilst doing so.

 

I think that women being approached is rare - them being approached well is like lightning striking. I have personally been out looking to make approaches, had women give me massive green lights while walking past, and have bottled it more times than I care to remember. It's not a reliable method for a woman in any way.

 

When men keep moaning about how "tough it is to be a man", It's good to remind them of this subject. Being a man is great. Far harder to be a woman trying to control your dating destiny.

[goldenlotus]

I have the same experience. I see men looking at me all the time, but no one ever approaches or talks to me. When I was younger I would get asked out on the train, the bus, in a store, hell I got asked out in a traffic jam once! But now it all seems to be online.

[Purepony]

On a side note

You said you recently became single... are you mentally ready to date ?

[Bastile]

I have the same experience. I see men looking at me all the time, but no one ever approaches or talks to me. When I was younger I would get asked out on the train, the bus, in a store, hell I got asked out in a traffic jam once! But now it all seems to be online.

 

I would attribute it as much to the rise in feminism becoming the mainstream ideology.

 

The people that I actually learnt from were featured on a program called "Britain's greatest misogynists", when nothing could be farther from the truth. They simply behave like men, and indulge in behaving like men. They love women (as I do, actually an amazing amount), but they don't necessarily accept the "equality" stuff.

 

Western men are terrified of doing anything that comes across as "offensive". I actually spoke to someone on here that was convinced he would be arrested if he approached anyone.

 

I have found it to be the complete opposite. I've never been arrested (touch wood ), and I've gained a newfound respect over time for women from doing it.

 

I remember when I was starting out, I was honestly terrified. And the nerves obviously showed. Instead of treading on me, women mostly helped me to make it a mutually enjoyable interaction.

 

As a man, you have to zone out a lot of noise in order to do it with consistency though. Loads of people trying to attach their own hang-ups onto you. Whether that be weaker men, feminists, or whatever else.

[goldenlotus]

I would think feminism would make it easier on men. Then again, I don't equate femi-nazism with feminism. When you are talking about actual feminism there is less pressure on the man.

[Bastile]

I would think feminism would make it easier on men.

 

Nah, it's mixed signals at best - gaslighting at worst.

 

Once you get smart to the game, you can proper exploit it. If you are of that persuasion. I suppose that's a middling level.

 

Then when you get to wanting a ltr, it becomes another annoyance.

 

That is my experience anyway

[goldenlotus]

I don't understand. Feminism means less pressure on men to initiate. It means seeing men as less of a provider and more as a partner, i.e. not dating someone for just his wallet. In the areas I lived where feminism wasn't really a thing, women focused on how much money a man made, didn't include him in any decisions about running the household, nagged and complained when he went out instead of staying at home because she was bored, got frustrated when he had any sort of emotion because men are supposed to be tough, and tended to cheat a lot. Sex is usually not great because the man is supposed to always initiate and women aren't supposed to act like they enjoy it.

 

Whereas with feminism, women are more apt to approach men, pay their own way and for the man too, include him on household decisions, have her own friends and things to do and allow him more space to do his things, see her partner as a whole person, not just a bank account, and take more responsibility to make their partner happy in all areas of life. In return, women ask for more consideration of their feelings, more appreciation of her talents, and to not be dismissed just because she's a woman. Seems like a pretty great thing for men.

[goldenlotus]

And actually, let's not hijack this thread with talk of feminism. I think that we can all agree that different people have different values, and that should also be taken into account when you are searching for potential life partners.

[Bastile]

I don't understand. Feminism means less pressure on men to initiate. It means seeing men as less of a provider and more as a partner, i.e. not dating someone for just his wallet. In the areas I lived where feminism wasn't really a thing, women focused on how much money a man made, didn't include him in any decisions about running the household, nagged and complained when he went out instead of staying at home because she was bored, got frustrated when he had any sort of emotion because men are supposed to be tough, and tended to cheat a lot. Sex is usually not great because the man is supposed to always initiate and women aren't supposed to act like they enjoy it.

 

Whereas with feminism, women are more apt to approach men, pay their own way and for the man too, include him on household decisions, have her own friends and things to do and allow him more space to do his things, see her partner as a whole person, not just a bank account, and take more responsibility to make their partner happy in all areas of life. In return, women ask for more consideration of their feelings, more appreciation of her talents, and to not be dismissed just because she's a woman. Seems like a pretty great thing for men.

 

I grew up in rave culture. When I actually started having relationships with girls (instead of just oral sex in a field high on drugs), I needed something to base a relationship on. I had nothing. I went with feminism.

 

It was a complete joke. A complete mess and confusing. Took me many several women and relationships to break out of that nonsense.

 

I prefer a maledom/femalesub relationship, and clearly women do too.

 

Feminism messed me up for years, because there is no place in it's ideology for someone like me. It gets reframed into smaller and smaller margins in which a man like me can exist.

 

It's like existing within a mental straight-jacket.

 

I'm simply telling you my experience as a man that has done a lot.

 

I agree with equal rights. I support and encourage it. I don't agree with the idea of "toxic masculinity", and that's a huge part of the feminist frame-push.

[Bastile]

And actually, let's not hijack this thread with talk of feminism. I think that we can all agree that different people have different values, and that should also be taken into account when you are searching for potential life partners.

 

Then why don't you go out grinding the approaches instead?

[Bastile]

And actually, let's not hijack this thread with talk of feminism.

 

I merely touched on it. But I'll make the point clear to OP. I've explained why men do the things they do from my own very experience, and why that likely won't work.

 

Do not expect men to take such an aggressive role as standard that you can be passive (except for maybe OLD, and even then the dates might be different). Dating for a female now must include an element of assertiveness.

 

Don't rely on approaches. Might as well rely on your hororscopes too.

 

Go with Donnavain's more assertive approach, imo.