heartnsoul Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Hello! Well, I'm new to this site and was hoping that someone could shed some light on my situation My bf requested a break from our relationship 3 weeks ago. I'm just feeling really lost and confused about this whole situation. I know there are numerous reasons why people feel the need for a 'break' but how long is someone supposed to wait? At the time of this conversation I gave him the option to just end things if that's what he felt that he needed to do but he reassured me that wasn't the intent of the phone call. He basically expressed to me that he wanted time away to confirm his feelings for me because he didn't want to get hurt again. Which I completely understood. His ex (mother of his daughter) ended up breaking his heart and betraying him pretty badly after they had their daughter . Consequently, their relationship ended (2 years ago.) Our relationship really took off fast. His daughter and I bonded very well and he loved that. From conversations with his mother, one of his all time concerns was finding someone that would accept him and his daughter and that was never an issue with me. I warmed up very quicly to his daughter and family and they did to me as well. So, the past 4 months every weekend was spent with him and every other weekend included his daughter. I don't want to make excuses for what might REALLY be happening but I can't continue to be in limbo like this. He has averaged maybe a phone call a week just to let me know he's having a hard time with everything but the conversations are short and non conclusive. Can anyone offer some insight? Have you been in this situation and what happened? Thanks in advance for your replies Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 how long is someone supposed to wait? However long it takes for the other person to make up his/her mind about whether or not they want to stay in the relationship. Sometimes its a short time, sometimes a long time. It entirely depends on what he is really doing on his "break". Is he taking a "break" in that he is spending time being introspective about what it is or does his break include looking around for other options? While he is on a "break", you will need to take a "break" of your own, and consider yourself broken up until further notice. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Find out the exact reason for a break, and take precautions so you dont feel hurt, first of all..why would you need to full on break up for him to figure out his feelings? just not seeing each other for a couple of days should do the trick, Im not saying this is the case..but do you think maybe this break is so he can hook up with girls guilt free? so many times when I see people talking about wanting a break so they can see if the truly love the person, the method is which they "discover" if they really like them is by going out and having sex with random people, If you love this guy at want it to work, give him some time, but make it clear that if he hooks up with any girls in the meantime that he wont get you back in the end, unless you would be ok with him taking a break from you, hooking up with other girls, then coming back to you? I would assume, like most, you wouldnt be Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartnsoul Posted August 7, 2005 Author Share Posted August 7, 2005 I'm not going to pass up an opportunity to date at this time BUT my heart won't be in it . So, I agree with my first reply about being broken up until further notice. If I found out this whole break involved another girl.....I would be absolutely crushed. However, we never outlined any 'expectations' of each other on this break...I can only hope that he's not out with other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 lol wtf? now im just confused, youre gonna go on dates but your heart isnt in it? *gives up* then WHY bother? just to do it? and what if it turns out your bf DIDNT go on any dates and YOU did? then id be telling him to dump you instead, atleast find out if he is going to be dating also Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 I definitely wouldn't think of dating someone else just now. Being broken up in a 'break' can also include just drawing into yourself and getting your head clear and your heart back on track. Sometimes the worst thing to do in a situation like this is to date when your heart won't be into it, and when you have so many unresolved issues in the relationship you have. Take a 'man sabbatical' for a while, so that you can reach a point where you are ready to begin resolving this issue and possibly seeing other people if it turns out your 'break guy' decides to make the break permanent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartnsoul Posted August 7, 2005 Author Share Posted August 7, 2005 That's just it ... I'm confused lol I've never taken a 'break' in any relationship. Sometimes I feel like maybe this is his way of easing out of things with me and other times I realize he has a lot of crap on his plate (outside of our relationship) and that maybe it's best he's clear about which way he wants to go with this relationship. I am definitely not actively seeking to replace him at this point. I DO need time....I'm very much hurting at this point. Our last conversation ended with him telling me that HE would CALL me and it's been a week and a half now. I'm gonna give him his space...I just don't know what to do in the meantime. I guess if I don't get a call for my b day in a couple days then I'll know what I have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 first of all dont do anything until you've spoken to him if he doesnt call then call him, if for anything else to get a straight answer, but honestly..I usually see taking a "break" as a sign the end is near, I mean..if this guy has so much on his plate..why did he get involved with you in the first place? If anything, I find being overwhelmed and having the person you love there with you can help, Im not saying assume the worst, but atleast be ready for it, but at the same time dont do anything stupid until you've spoken to him, explain to him that if he says he will call, then he needs to call, when he doesnt tell him you take it as a sign he's moving on Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartnsoul Posted August 7, 2005 Author Share Posted August 7, 2005 spectra....there's alot of truth in what you've said. Very good questions. Why did he get involved in the first place? Neither one of us really expected it to take off like it did. I had met alot of his family w/in 2 weeks of us meeting. It just felt right. Alot of stuff happened after we started dating. In and out of court for child support and now his child support payments are double what they were. He doesn't make the best of money to begin with and among other things I could see stuff just piling up on his mind. All the while thanking me almost every day for coming into his life and treating his daughter so well....ugh I'm rambling lol I don't know. I'm really afraid to call at this point. It was left off that he would call me and I don't want to push any issues. I realize that I have a right to know what's going on but I just can't bring myself to call him. I'm a hard headed leo lol Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 the whole situation seems weird, you met his whole family in just 2 weeks? if a girl did that to me I would be a bit frightened to be honest Link to post Share on other sites
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