Getting back together with LD ex?

[WorldTraveler]

Well everyone has a story, so here is the short version of mine. My ex and I dated for 3 and a half years. However after she graduated college she moved back home to find work as there was none in the city I am in. We agreed to long distance and knew going into it that it would be the hardest thing we have ever done. We started long distance in May 2016 and ended it in April 2017 which resulted in a break up. We would see each other once every 4-6 weeks but it was still no easy task. Halfway through the long distance we started having problems and we could feel that we were drifting farther apart and sensed the long distance was putting a strain on our relationship. We were only an hour plane ride apart, but that didn't make it any easier. The reason I hadn't moved with her was because I have been rooted in my city stuck in school with the goal of getting to grad school. The plan was to do the long distance for a year and then I would move to her city and start taking classes there while still prepping for grad school.

 

Fast forward to now and it has been little more than three months since our breakup. During that time we did not talk or contact each other once. It wasn't until about a week ago that I was in her city and we met up to return some of each others things. What was supposed to be a brief meeting turned into dinner, drinks and sex. As you can imagine this complicated things and made me feel nothing but the rush of feelings for her again and once again all I could think about was and still is her and nothing else.

 

We talked a little after our meeting about us and she said how its hard to not be together right now because she can still feel that our amazing chemistry, love and feelings are all still there. When we hung out, it was like nothing had changed and we picked up right where we left off. However, she said that she doesn't feel like now is the right time for us to get together. The worst part is she says that she doesn't know why she feels this way, but its just what she is feeling at the moment.

 

Now I am not a girl, but I think I have gotten to know her pretty well and if I had to guess at her reasons for not wanting to get back together, I'd say that it is a mixture of things. What my ex does not know is that I have recently had a change of career plans and decided to put a hold on grad school and possibly not follow through with grad school all together based on how this new job I'm planning on getting into goes. In her mind she still thinks that I am still on the grad school route which will leave us with more long distance with an unknown end point. However like I said I haven't told her of my recent career change which will bring me to her city for 5 weeks of training followed by the potential of landing a new job opportunity in her city.

 

As I said while she may not know, I believe her doubts of getting back together stem from a handful of things. I think the main thing being that in her mind she equates "Lets get back together" with more time as a long distance couple which does not sound appealing one bit. Which is why if this is to work, I would be moving to her city without any thoughts. We are both burnt out on long distance and continuing it would not be feasible. Secondly, I think that she is afraid that if we get back together the same problems we had during our bout of long distance may resurface. Which yes, this is a good possibility, but while we were in long distance having these problems, we were essentially in a relationship with our phones. The problems we were having are definitely fixable but not when all you do is text each other all day. They couldn't exactly be fixed through a text message conversation. They required physical contact, intimacy, and talking to actively address the issue, not just text each other about it. So for this reason I feel like we were kind of just floating through the relationship, hoping that the problems would fix themselves, and when they didn't and things got rocky as a result, we in turn broke up. Lastly, I think that she is enjoying the self sufficiency she gets from being single. Not so much the "being single and being able to talk to whoever she wants" aspect because thats not the girl she is. But more so the self sufficiency she gets from her job, which she is absolutely killing at right now. She also is doing big girl things and buying a brand new house which is awesome and why I believe she is enjoying this independence and self sufficiency she is gaining from all of that.

 

So in the coming weeks I am gonna break the news to her and notify her of my career change and that I will be in her city for a 5 week long training. In a perfect world, one where things went my way, I'd hope that she would agree to us using these five weeks as a trial run for us. That is my plan at least, to take things slow feel things out and see how things fall. I am not sure if there are things that I can do to increase my chance of rekindling things with her. But if the distance is no longer and issue (which I think was 90% of the problem), the love, chemistry and attraction are still there, then why wouldn't we try things out? I feel like we would be stupid not to and risk wondering what could have been.

[Gr8fuln2020]

You believe that distance was the primary factor in your relationship ending. You still haven't resolved that. A 'potential' to getting a job in her city isn't 'having' a job in her city. I don't know, but perhaps letting her know that you'll be in town and 'talking' about what-ifs is more appropriate. If she feels an inclination to begin again then if and when you move there, you may have a chance.

[Novz]

So in the coming weeks I am gonna break the news to her and notify her of my career change and that I will be in her city for a 5 week long training. In a perfect world, one where things went my way, I'd hope that she would agree to us using these five weeks as a trial run for us. That is my plan at least, to take things slow feel things out and see how things fall. I am not sure if there are things that I can do to increase my chance of rekindling things with her. But if the distance is no longer and issue (which I think was 90% of the problem), the love, chemistry and attraction are still there, then why wouldn't we try things out? I feel like we would be stupid not to and risk wondering what could have been.

 

Hi, Worldtraveler. I have empathy for the both of you and the very struggle you are in because I am in a LDR myself for 7 years now.

 

I think your plan is fine. I mean both of you are single and had a relationship. The only barrier was the distance that you broke up but definitely you feel the same way as you say the chemistry is still there.

Go for it! Grab the chance of having her near you. Seize all the moments you will both get and make that 5 weeks memorable.