Stained glass heart Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Have you ever been called unpredictable by your ex married lover? I have and still am to this day. I know I said I wouldn't try and be friends with my ex lover but as it turns out I am. He's afraid of me being unpredictable and even though that's not true, he's the only one who thinks so. Since losing my twins last year with my husband, that's the last thing on my mind. I thought by apologizing to my ex it would get him to as well. It didn't. I've since learned I'm dealing with a MAJOR narcissistic individual. My husband told me to let my ex lover have it and after I wrote to him my feelings about how he and the wife have NO right to blame me for what HE did, I felt great. It was short lived. He wrote back saying he accepted his part in it but then immediately blamed me again. I know how to handle him bc my sister is a narcassist as well and the best thing to do besides cut off contact is to call out all the things they've done wrong. I guess the only reason why I'm friends with him is bc I'm hoping that maybe just maybe he'd finally apologize for his behavior and not let the wife vent her pathetic wrath on me. He even had me change my name on my email so she wouldn't find out. I'm very happy with my husband and we're trying for our third so my ex lover isn't exactly at the top of my list. I guess he'll never see that. I know he's a waste of my time but there's got to be something about me that he can't let go of either. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I'm not sure why you're giving him the time of day, when you should be focused on repairing your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Having read this post and your other threads, one could call your actions narcissistic too. You have been obsessing over who his wife blames for quite some time now. You have frequently initiated contact with her just so you can educate her on who it is she should be blaming. She can blame whoever she wants to blame. She can blame you until the day she dies. So can he for that matter. You can't control what people think. You are feeding drama by maintaining contact with the MM. You have more important things to pay attention to other than what the MM and wife think and who they blame. They are none of your business. If you are really done with the affair then be done with it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Stop wasting energy on junk Link to post Share on other sites
BenchCoach Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 I skimmed over you past threads, and I'm confused as hell. It sounds like you're a "serial" cheater to me. If I read it correctly, you and your exH got together before getting divorced. Then you engage in an affair with your boss. Correct me if I'm wrong. You have some issues to resolve... maybe some therapy would help. And I agree with the others. You shouldn't be worrying this, just concentrating on your marriage. Cut this **** loose, already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chrionaa99 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I guess the only reason why I'm friends with him is bc I'm hoping that maybe just maybe he'd finally apologize for his behavior and not let the wife vent her pathetic wrath on me. This statement is 100% Narcissist. "Pathetic wrath"?! Come on, have you NO empathy? You sound like my husbands possible AP - that is NOT a compliment. See, you participated in the destruction of someone's trust and decided to act in a manner that would change her entire world. Not to mention, the altering of a family and the relationships contained there-in. There is, as always, blame to share. Everyone plays a part in these situations. No one individual is completely to blame. But, to refer to her "pathetic wrath" is abusive and you are invalidating her pain. That's wrong, hun. If your initials are "MM" you might be who I'm speaking of. Good luck in life. Hopefully people will treat you better than you treated them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 OP, I think if you spent some time analysing your own behaviour and actions, you will grow and develop by self reflecting and developing awareness of your inner self. An important element of reaching the point of being fully functioning as an adult, is accepting responsibility for your actions and realising you can only control yourself. I'm really not sure what the basis of the apology you seek is for. Have you apologised to his wife, or do you believe you don't owe her anything as you didn't take vows with her like most other OWs? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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