Our poly marriage

[Steve51]

My wife and I engaged in group sex a little with friends. My wife's best friend moved in with us and shared both me and my wife for 30 years, ever after she got married to a guy who was OK with this. I was never a monogamous person and my wife knew this from the stories he heard about me in her high school. She also never understood why I even asked her out on a date knowing the women I used to date who were sexually wild while my wife was a 20 year old virgin that did not even have oral sex yet.

 

We have had a great marriage for the last 45 years. We had a lot of fun and a sex life that the three of us never dreamed of. Her is the weird part. I have had three lovers that I was in a relationship with. All are bi but I did not know it until well into the relationship. I married the best friend of a girl I had a crush on since I was 13. Turned out that my wife is bi as is her best friend so they shared me and each other.

 

Our life was different than most. We were in a poly triad but never told anyone and no one ever asked why my wife's girlfriend always seemed to be staying with us when they visited. We went out as a threesome and exiting a limo (we all made good money) with a woman on each arm wearing dresses that I bought for them and showed cleavage, was always a good feeling. We had sex in the back of limos a few times. First time we learned that although the driver could not see us, he could hear us perfectly. After that the girls put on a good show for our drivers. They would also dance sexually with each other at the two private clubs I belonged to. The guys would try to dance with them and they sometimes accepted their offers but in the end, they came back to me at our table. We enjoyed our life to the fullest taking four vacations a year.

 

During the day I was a very conservative consultant with a good reputation worldwide which took me to 20 countries and away from home about 3 months of each year. I never had sex during any business trip even though I could. I think if I did not have permission I probably would have had sex with other women since it would be exciting then.

 

We relocated 13 times and are living in our 9th house. We left our girlfriend 7 years ago and are monogamous for the first time in our marriage. Took awhile to adjust to monogamy. We are old now so monogamy suites us better. I lead a double life of an ultra conservative during the day and at night getting stoned and having threesomes as my regular nightly sex. To my vanilla friends we were just like them. We felt that anyone without a need to know should not be told about our sex life and marriage. To this day my wife's family does not know she is bi and mine does not know that my wife is bi and shared me with her best friend.

 

Most do not believe me so I left out most of the difficult to believe stuff. Let is suffice to say that we have had a great marriage with lots of love and a lifestyle that provided us with lots of fun and pleasure. I never had a relationship with a woman who did not like women as much as I did. Funny thing is that I never realized that until I was 64. We have had a few thousand threesomes when my friends are wishing for just one before they die. I used to bite my tongue and say nothing when they talked about wanting a threesome or one of them bragging that he had two.

 

To us, our life was our normal. We rarely discussed it and the two girls never once called themselves bisexual despite a few thousand sexual encounters with women over 40 years. I never realized what we had until we did not have it anymore. I do not know what it is like to love and be in a relationship with a hetero woman. I think that my date would not be pointing out the hot girls to me and telling each other if we would do her or not. Probably would not like sharing me with other women either.

 

So this is my marriage of 45 wonderful years. We did well financially and had the love of two others. We were able to enjoy life and even bend it to our will at times. Funny that all of our siblings and friends into monogamy divorced and most were cheating. I was cheated on by my first fiancee when I was 19 and that turned me off to monogamy. I saw the divorce and cheating rates and thought only a crazy person follow a system that failed half of the time and even higher if more spouses got caught cheating. So we structured our own marriage that worked for me. We did not try to live someone else's version of marriage. The odds were not good. Monogamy is not a natural state for humans. It is a construct of society to bring order into the world and for religions to get control over the greatest urge in people.

 

Believe it or not. Does not matter since I still have the memories. I had a very good life compared to most other married couples I know. When my wife asks me why I married her when I was very popular with the girls in her school and dated cheerleaders and most of the hot girls in our town and school. Plus she was a virgin at 20. I used to tell her I do not know why. I saw her on a train and 3 weeks later we were engaged. Now I tell her to reflect on our life and how different it would have been if I married a woman who was insecure and feared the loss of me, the two elements that create jealousy. We never had children because it turns out that we are both sterile. We therefore were never tied down to one place or one way to live. I had a good professional reputation having co-authored the reference book they still use to this day and mostly got paid to have my name associate with the company. Not bad work if you can get it.

 

I work from anywhere in the world where there is an internet connection. Right now we are in the tropics. I get paid a very generous salary for working 3 days a week from home making my own hours. I have had a pretty good marriage and life. Now we fight the ravages that comes with old age but at least I feel that I have been there and done that with nothing left undone.

[TheWoman]

Well I'm jealous, LOL, was that point of your post? Just joking, sounds great, good for you

[road]

So?

 

Why the need now to tell your private story?

 

Many people have great marriages yet they do not post here

to say so.

[dichotomy]

I think you will find many of us DO take this positively.

 

You and your wife and lover appear to have been honest with each other and treated each other very well. How is this not positive?

 

You are right - many marriages end badly and yours did not. Thats wonderful ! I would point out that open and poly and swinging marriages also end badly sometimes - they are not protected from failure.

 

Even the inability to biologically have children - you feel you found a good alternative life path (which it sounds like you did).

 

Your career sounds wonderful.

 

I am sorry you had to hide you life style to maintain a different facade/image to your work world and friends and family - but its none of their bushiness how you and your wife choose to love.

[somanymistakes]

Why not? We hear too many sad stories in these parts, it's worth seeing that people are happy once in a while!

[anika99]

I don't really care what people do in their marriages. If everyone is informed and consenting then it's nobody's business but their own.

 

You say you and your wife were with your wife's best friend for 30 yrs and that you left her 7yrs ago. How did the best friend take that?

[GunslingerRoland]

Congrats?

 

I don't know if much about your experience is typical in any way and maybe not for the reasons that you are thinking. There are many many couples that would love to have a 3 some with another women. Finding the other women is hard to find.

 

I think the stuff you alluded to that you are a brilliant author, who rides around in limos all the time and go off to the tropics at a moments notice has a lot more to do with your sexual success than you may realize. I mean, it's awesome for you, and you should be proud of the life you've lived. But needless to say, it doesn't work like that for most people.

 

Similarly if you had been able to have kids, having the same sort of lifestyle may have been a lot more challenging.

[alsudduth]

You did it all the right way, and reaped the rewards! Congrats on a successful marriage and life!

[aileD]

You're rarely taken positively because we have set believes on what a relationship should be like and this type of relationship is out of the norm. However what people don't realize or take into consideration is that if it's OK with your wife and it's OK with you and it's not causing a problem in your relationship and if it's enhancing your relationship then there's really nothing wrong With it. You're both adults and you're both able to decide what you want your relationship to look like.

Edited July 13, 2017 by aileD