Only see bf once every 2 weeks?

[Alwaysthinkofme]

At first when my bf and I started dating we saw each other constantly. He has now moved an hour away and we only see each other once every two weeks. I stay the weekend on Thursday but, he is still working those two days. Is this healthy and could this be a problem down the road? I'm worried this will give him time to eventually replace me or allow someone to slip in. Not going to lie but, it makes it harder each time I end up going back home knowing how long it will be till our next meet. Advice?

[Els]

A few questions:

1) How long have you been together?

2) Why did he move?

3) When do you foresee the distance ending?

4) How old are the two of you?

5) Perhaps the most important question: Why are you the only one travelling to see him (as it sounds that way from your opening post)? Why does he not travel to see you on the other weekends?

 

Any concrete answers would require more context than you are giving us (hence my questions), but in general I don't think an hour's distance should cause significant problems in an established, close, healthy relationship. If it does, chances are there was something wrong with the R and it would never have made it to begin with.

[Alwaysthinkofme]

1) We have been together 4/5 months, but have grown very close

 

2) He moved for work, which is still 30/40 min away for him still

 

3) He comes to get me and makes the drive, my one car is broken down and even if fixed cannot make the distance without having issues.

 

4) He is 30 I am 26 turning 27 soon.

 

We don't have issues but, the distance and only seeing each other once every 2 weeks does suck. He has been known to look at woman, which I've caught so it makes me wonder if he will find someone new if we hardly see one another to bond. He is not very sexual and says he can go this long without being intimate.

Edited July 13, 2017 by Alwaysthinkofme

[Stephenj]

Once every two weeks does seem very much. I lived and hour and 15 away fro my gf for a while and made the trip every week for the weekend. she then moved closer(40mins) and we saw each other everyweek..on the weekends maybe more if I had a day or two off. find out why he'll only see you once every two weeks.If he wants to see you he'll move heaven and earth.

[Els]

1) We have been together 4/5 months, but have grown very close

 

2) He moved for work, which is still 30/40 min away for him still

 

3) He comes to get me and makes the drive, my one car is broken down and even if fixed cannot make the distance without having issues.

 

4) He is 30 I am 26 turning 27 soon.

 

Thanks for the clarification. I am still confused about the traveling part. So he comes to get you, drives you to his place, then drives you back at the end of the week and drives back to his place??? Why not just have him drive to your place and stay there, or you take public transport to his place (if there is such an option)? Then perhaps you could see each other every week instead.

 

We don't have issues but, the distance and only seeing each other once every 2 weeks does suck. He has been known to look at woman, which I've caught so it makes me wonder if he will find someone new if we hardly see one another to bond. He is not very sexual and says he can go this long without being intimate.

 

What sort of "looking" are we talking about? Do we mean just the occasional glance at a very attractive person (which most people, regardless of gender, do), or are we talking about constant, disrespectful, straight-out ogling?

 

I honestly think that if you are worried about him cheating on you due to an hour's distance, there are bigger issues with your R than just distance. People have survived far larger distances with much less frequent visits, especially at your age (if you were 17/18 yo then I would rate your chances of survival much lower).

[Alwaysthinkofme]

He glances and has lied to cover up being caught in the moment like "I was just looking at the object she had" when it was obvious. He could stay here but, there is no where for him to sleep. I have a twin size bed and he doesn't want to meet my Grandparents yet..I tried and they said it would be fine. He doesn't want to because its odd to him to be with me around my Grandfolks and honestly it is too soon to meet them..I am currently in school for physical therapy so, it saves me serious money being in school. I asked him if we could talk later about this distance and he said it was fine. I know people survive larger distances but, we are only 4 months in and the distance is hard. I ended my longest engagement years ago due to distance being an issue and didn't ever imagine being in another one. I do like him a lot and would cry losing him over this, but don't know if its normal or if this would result in another girl sliding in.

Edited July 13, 2017 by Alwaysthinkofme

[coolheadal]

He glances and has lied to cover up being caught in the moment like "I was just looking at the object she had" when it was obvious. He could stay here but, there is no where for him to sleep. I have a twin size bed and he doesn't want to meet my Grandparents yet..I tried and they said it would be fine. He doesn't want to because its odd to him to be with me around my Grandfolks and honestly it is too soon to meet them..I am currently in school for physical therapy so, it saves me serious money being in school. I asked him if we could talk later about this distance and he said it was fine. I know people survive larger distances but, we are only 4 months in and the distance is hard. I ended my longest engagement years ago due to distance being an issue and didn't ever imagine being in another one. I do like him a lot and would cry losing him over this, but don't know if its normal or if this would result in another girl sliding in.

 

You can't control things with him! He can do anything he wants. The only thing I can could see it that if he really loved you so much he would hold out for you. But you been in situations like this prior so you know the outcome. How did you meet him where did he come from? I have one like this going on with my life but I know it will not end the way I want. That's why I can say to you also. Just have to have hope but we can't control the ones we love in LDR. Your lucky you can see each other. I wish I could.. But there are reasons for that. Backup plans I have also in place but that is no stable either. I rather just keep life as it is until I am ready. You got to think about all of this and You love this guy I see. But does he feel the same way with you? Only been what 4 to 5 months very early. Your grand folks are very giving for you. But this guy won't stick around for you with them in the same place. So you have to think about that also.

[clia]

You only live an hour away from each other, which barely qualifies as long distance, so the fact that you can only see each other once every two weeks is concerning. There's no reason why you couldn't meet halfway once or twice a week or he could drive to you and you could do something near where you live. Not every date needs to be a sleepover.

 

However, you need to get transportation for yourself. It's unfair to him to have to do all this driving and seriously limits your options. What are your options to get a running car? Do you work? Is public transportation an option?

[Els]

He glances and has lied to cover up being caught in the moment like "I was just looking at the object she had" when it was obvious. He could stay here but, there is no where for him to sleep. I have a twin size bed and he doesn't want to meet my Grandparents yet..I tried and they said it would be fine. He doesn't want to because its odd to him to be with me around my Grandfolks and honestly it is too soon to meet them..I am currently in school for physical therapy so, it saves me serious money being in school. I asked him if we could talk later about this distance and he said it was fine. I know people survive larger distances but, we are only 4 months in and the distance is hard. I ended my longest engagement years ago due to distance being an issue and didn't ever imagine being in another one. I do like him a lot and would cry losing him over this, but don't know if its normal or if this would result in another girl sliding in.

 

Well, multiple issues here.

 

The first is your trust issue (and the fact that his behaviour is potentially compounding it). I will repeat for the 3rd time that if you fear him cheating just because you are AN HOUR'S DRIVE away, there are problems with your relationship. Big ones. Those problems won't go away if the distance is removed, they will just lurk beneath the surface and show up eventually anyway.

 

FTR, my SO and I did one year at 1.5 hrs' drive apart, so I'm not exactly talking out my arse here. I just don't mention that part of our relationship when I talk about LDRs, because in my mind it didn't even qualify as "long distance". Aside from some minor annoyances, that period of "distance" had no significant effect on our relationship - we were spending all weekends together and we had work to occupy us on weekdays. Our real LDR was several thousand miles apart (and was significantly more difficult).

 

The second is your transportation/living issue. I agree with clia - it's monumentally unfair that he is not just driving to you each time, but he is also having to drive double the distance because you don't want him to stay over at your place. I don't think 4 months is too soon to meet your grandparents, especially if you are living with them. If you really cannot consider letting him stay at your place, then you need to look into public transport.

Edited July 16, 2017 by Elswyth

[tealeafbud]

If you are serious about each other and are communicating every single day and are still crazy for each other every time you see each other, then the driving and time apart will be worth it! If you don't feel the driving is worth it and he seems meh about meeting your grandparents and he will not sacrifice things for you, then I'd say move on. But have a plan if you are serious about being together on a long term basis and have it come to fruition sooner rather than later. Good luck

[justwhoiam]

An hour drive is not long distance. Most people commute for work for the same amount of time, and that's how they carry on their lives. People get married with jobs that are an hour drive away from home. Also, my cousin has an hour drive to visit his parents and sees them every week.

 

So, I can only think of one thing here: he wants to keep some distance. In line with my assumption, he said he can go without you for 2 weeks without a problem. That's the main point. He's OK with this state of things.

 

Do you know what he does during his free weekend?

[justwhoiam]

he is also having to drive double the distance because you don't want him to stay over at your place. I don't think 4 months is too soon to meet your grandparents, especially if you are living with them. If you really cannot consider letting him stay at your place, then you need to look into public transport.

Actually, she said he doesn't want to. Which means he's avoiding being close to her relatives, because he's not serious about this relationship yet. To me that's pretty clear. Or he wouldn't have a problem meeting her grandparents.

[Whodatdog]

This is not sustainable unless theres a goal in mind. As in, one of you eventually moving to the other. Otherwise, this isnt much of a relationship.

[Redhead14]

At first when my bf and I started dating we saw each other constantly. He has now moved an hour away and we only see each other once every two weeks. I stay the weekend on Thursday but, he is still working those two days. Is this healthy and could this be a problem down the road? I'm worried this will give him time to eventually replace me or allow someone to slip in. Not going to lie but, it makes it harder each time I end up going back home knowing how long it will be till our next meet. Advice?

 

give him time to eventually replace me or allow someone to slip in -- I think you're thinking this wrong -- it should give you time to replace him.

 

This is not sustainable.

[beautifulinside2]

An hour drive is not long distance. Most people commute for work for the same amount of time, and that's how they carry on their lives. People get married with jobs that are an hour drive away from home. Also, my cousin has an hour drive to visit his parents and sees them every week.

 

I drive an hour each way for work.

[Novz]

At first when my bf and I started dating we saw each other constantly. He has now moved an hour away and we only see each other once every two weeks. I stay the weekend on Thursday but, he is still working those two days. Is this healthy and could this be a problem down the road? I'm worried this will give him time to eventually replace me or allow someone to slip in. Not going to lie but, it makes it harder each time I end up going back home knowing how long it will be till our next meet. Advice?

 

For me it is healthy. Someone needs to compromise. For as long as it's not another girl he is busy with, you are all right. You just need to understand. I bet you are not in a long time LDR yet, aren't you?

 

Imagine me, I only spent real time together with my partner in 2012 and 2016, a total of less than 50 days together. We are now on our 7th year. You don't know how hard it has been for me, but I learn to compromise, understand, and be patient.

[Redhead14]

For me it is healthy. Someone needs to compromise. For as long as it's not another girl he is busy with, you are all right. You just need to understand. I bet you are not in a long time LDR yet, aren't you?

 

Imagine me, I only spent real time together with my partner in 2012 and 2016, a total of less than 50 days together. We are now on our 7th year. You don't know how hard it has been for me, but I learn to compromise, understand, and be patient.

 

I learn to compromise, understand, and be patient -- You need to hope that he will also. Is he making any effort to see you or are you doing all the back and forth?

 

I learn to compromise, understand, and be patient -- You are here now asking the question and concerned he will cheat which means your understanding and patience is wearing thin.

 

a total of less than 50 days together. We are now on our 7th year. -- Seriously? This is not a relationship. It sounds to me like you are just stringing yourself along.

 

You don't know how hard it has been for me -- Most women understand how difficult it is to be away from their boyfriends/SOs if it's only been a week apart. However, most women wouldn't consider someone they've only spent 50 days with over a period of years a boyfriend either.

 

Can you really see yourself living like this for another 7 years???? Or him? I don't care what you say, it's not healthy to settle for a relationship that is not wholly satisfying and one that you have to do all the work to maintain.

[MJJean]

When DH and I began dating he lived in an hour drive away. I also didn't have a car at the time. We saw each other average 3 times during the week and spent weekends together either at friends houses or at a nearby hotel.

 

I don't think an hour drive is long distance. Hell, most people I know have at least a half hour to an hour each way daily work commute.

[Redhead14]

When DH and I began dating he lived in an hour drive away. I also didn't have a car at the time. We saw each other average 3 times during the week and spent weekends together either at friends houses or at a nearby hotel.

 

I don't think an hour drive is long distance. Hell, most people I know have at least a half hour to an hour each way daily work commute.

 

These two have only spent 50 days together in 7 years! And, you're right, an hour is not a long distance, however, if she's doing all that back and forth herself, it's going to cause a strain for sure.

 

There is more to this thread than she's putting on here.

[MJJean]

These two have only spent 50 days together in 7 years! And, you're right, an hour is not a long distance, however, if she's doing all that back and forth herself, it's going to cause a strain for sure.

 

There is more to this thread than she's putting on here.

 

OP said she lives with her grandparents, is a student, and doesn't have a car that runs, so her bf does the driving. It's my impression he doesn't stay with her at her grandparents house due to the awkward lack of privacy to conduct an adult romantic relationship.

 

Here's the thing. I was dating under similar circumstances. I was living with relatives, no car, etc. Yet DH managed to spend hours most evenings and at least one day and night with me every weekend. He'd come pick me up to spend time driving, at friends, going to dinner etc. He'd leave work, drive to me, we'd spend time together out and then he'd go home to get his things ready for the next days work, do household chores, and sleep.

 

If a man is into a woman, he'll make spending time with her a priority.

[elaine567]

There is another thread here that describes the whole relationship a bit better.

 

BF too busy with work for me?? Doesn't like the way I dress?

[Novz]

I learn to compromise, understand, and be patient -- You need to hope that he will also. Is he making any effort to see you or are you doing all the back and forth?

 

He is and he has plans. He just got his citizenship, that's why it took him that long to petition me. He makes effort by talking with me every day for the last years through messenger.

 

 

I learn to compromise, understand, and be patient -- You are here now asking the question and concerned he will cheat which means your understanding and patience is wearing thin.

 

In other relationship cheating might be the usual problem. But, Lucky for me that it is not. I would not stay in this relationship this long if not for his loyalty, sincerity, and honesty which he shows everyday. My patience is wearing thin these days because I have not been with him since January last year. But He's coming home in Sept

 

a total of less than 50 days together. We are now on our 7th year. -- Seriously? This is not a relationship. It sounds to me like you are just stringing yourself along.

 

It is a relationship. Imyself is in awe sometimes how far we both endure not being with each other but still sticking.

 

You don't know how hard it has been for me -- Most women understand how difficult it is to be away from their boyfriends/SOs if it's only been a week apart. However, most women wouldn't consider someone they've only spent 50 days with over a period of years a boyfriend either.

 

Can you really see yourself living like this for another 7 years???? Or him? I don't care what you say, it's not healthy to settle for a relationship that is not wholly satisfying and one that you have to do all the work to maintain.

 

Yes, because we are excemption to the rule. We started in a LDR,and net for the 1st time after two years. I somehow got used to the distance.

 

The only thing that matters is that we know each other better. That, Being in a LDR helped us to communicate and understand each other more.