not sure if I was molested when kid

[bct2017]

This is something that has effected me and strained my relationship with my mother since I was 12 I have not hugged or kissed my mom.

 

I am now in my later thirties and have only talked to my mom on and off over the past ten years for many reasons. She is an alcoholic but more of a housewife type she is still married to my dad and her health is really getting bad.

 

When we were kids we were pretty close family it was not strange for the whole family mom dad sister to be watching TV in parents bedroom all on bed.

 

My dad usually worked late nights. There was this one time I fell asleep while watching TV with my mom I was around 12 maybe older I cant remember all I remember is I woke up and I feel her hand was on my penis and I shrugged her away. I cant remeber any details I cant remember if I stayed in the bed or want to my bed.

 

I remember in teenage years later on if there was an argument I would call my mom a child molester and tell my dad what happened.

 

My mom would always say she was drunk and she does not know what happened but if something happened maybe she thought i was my dad.

 

 

I put it behind me for a long time nothing like that ever happened before or after that i can remember. In my late twenties for some reason it started to bother me again like I could not hub my mom or kiss her goodbye or be close to her. And if we got in a heated argument a couple times in my adult life I called her a child molester and reminded my dad what she did and told other family members who did not believe me.

 

 

This came up again because I was starting to get close to my parents with thier health problems and I wanted to be closer to family. There was a text argument between me and my mom over something in regards to care for my grandparents and i felt she was being manupulative. I really got mad lost my temper told her to never talk to me and then texted you are a child molester.

 

 

now i have been deeling with two things the fact that i do not know if i was molested

 

2. if i was not molested i keep calling my mom a child molester when I get really mad at her. maybe five times in my adult life.

 

 

i want to therapy for lots of things i cant remember what therapist said last time I talked about this to therapist was like ten years ago. therapist agreed i should have boundaries because of many things my mom has done.

 

 

I am just not sure if I was molested. I do not think my mom is a child molester but after that I was very paranoid for instance once she was taking a shower with my niece and i thought it was weird and told my sister. But that was just because of what happened with me with my mom.

[LastAcorn99]

I’m sorry about your situation, friend. I realize that there is a lot of pain and anger towards your mother, and I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you. All said, I believe that you need to figure out a way to forgive your mom -- anger can eat us up from within and destroy our future relationships. I’ll be praying for you. May God fill you with his love, peace, and strength in the days ahead.

[bct2017]

I’m sorry about your situation, friend. I realize that there is a lot of pain and anger towards your mother, and I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you. All said, I believe that you need to figure out a way to forgive your mom -- anger can eat us up from within and destroy our future relationships. I’ll be praying for you. May God fill you with his love, peace, and strength in the days ahead.

 

thank you i tried to forgive in my past or overlook we had a bad argument last week and my mom is not doing good and through texting I called her a child molester and the blocked my parents phone numbers. I feel awful but I am just trying not to think about it. I have not contacted to apologize. I am not sure what my mom thinks when this hapens what is going through her head sometimes i wish she would give a more heart felt explanition instead of a denial but after all this time I need to let it go both of my parents are in bad health.

[Art_Critic]

IMO, you whipping out and calling her a child molester only when you have an argument is entirely on you not her, you are the one dealing with the argument with name calling and pulling an old wound long should've been dead out and winning the argument..

 

Winning an argument at all costs can wreak havoc in people's lives..

 

That being said, have you ever talked to your Dad about it? maybe more clarity from him is in order since getting it from her doesn't seem to help.

 

If you don't know if you were molested, no charges were filed and you haven't discussed this with the other Adult in the household at the time then you need to stop calling her those names and see if you can figure out what happened and if you can't you need to get passed this instead of it being a wedge between you two.

[bct2017]

IMO, you whipping out and calling her a child molester only when you have an argument is entirely on you not her, you are the one dealing with the argument with name calling and pulling an old wound long should've been dead out and winning the argument..

 

Winning an argument at all costs can wreak havoc in people's lives..

 

That being said, have you ever talked to your Dad about it? maybe more clarity from him is in order since getting it from her doesn't seem to help.

 

If you don't know if you were molested, no charges were filed and you haven't discussed this with the other Adult in the household at the time then you need to stop calling her those names and see if you can figure out what happened and if you can't you need to get passed this instead of it being a wedge between you two.

 

i remeber when i brought it up as a teen my dad got mad so i never said anything then when I brought it up when I was in late twenties my dad got mad. I did not say anything to any authorities when I was under 18 and only to therapist in the past tenyears.

 

I want to get past it somehow.

[bct2017]

 

If you don't know if you were molested, no charges were filed and you haven't discussed this with the other Adult in the household at the time then you need to stop calling her those names and see if you can figure out what happened and if you can't you need to get passed this instead of it being a wedge between you two.

 

not sure about this part though kids do not know to tell another adult this should not be a measurement or threshold if I was molested or not.

[mrs rubble]

I was sexually assaulted as a 4-5 year old. I supressed the memories until I was 18, I literally pushed it out of my mind and never said a word to anyone. I still remember as clear as day what happened, I was threatened that if I ever told anyone, I'd be beaten up at school, so I think that's why I supressed it all those years.

 

 

You either remember or you don't, you say you do remember. It sounds like it was a one off more accidental thing. You need to forgive and move on. Don't let something that only happened once years ago destroy yours and your families lives.

 

 

My assaults were repeated over about a year or so. I have long forgiven my molester, although I don't think he ever forgave himself, he committed suicide a few years ago. I wonder what happened to him to make him assault me. Sad to think about it really.

[bct2017]

I did not call but I texted my mom and apologized to her and she said she knew I did not mean it. I am going to try to put it behind me and not bring up again .

 

I am sorry for what the poster before me went through.

 

I do regret that this caused be not to be closer to my mom for huge chunks of my life I mean I let her hug me but I hardly hugged her initially I feel bad.

[Art_Critic]

not sure about this part though kids do not know to tell another adult this should not be a measurement or threshold if I was molested or not.

 

I think my wording was off, I didn't mean to talk with the other Adult in the household when it was happening, I meant that you haven't talked to him today as he was the only other Adult in the household when it happened.

[LivingWaterPlease]

My mom would always say she was drunk and she does not know what happened but if something happened maybe she thought i was my dad.

.

 

bct2017, it seems neither you nor your mom knows what happened. It seems healthy to me that you have at least mentioned it your mom and that you've let your dad know about it, too.

 

What was your gut sense as to your mom's response when you first mentioned to your mom what happened?

 

I ask this because it seems to me her reaction that you've posted here isn't the reaction of someone who's guilty of that type of thing. If she was guilty it seems to me she would have been defensive. But, the reaction you post she had is fairly mild, imo, for a woman who is being confronted by her child about having molested him.

 

However, your mom's boundaries seem very loose in that she is an alcoholic (I believe you said) and was in bed with her children while she had been drinking. To me, that seems very foolish, and would cause me to be angry with her were I in your place.

 

Possibly your anger with your mom stems from the fact that her behavior toward you wasn't protective, but lax, so that you felt disrespected, understandably.

 

Have you ever thought of bringing your mom into counseling with you and working through your issues with her together with a counselor? It would be to your advantage to work with her, or to forgive her so that you can heal emotionally and put this issue to rest while she's still alive. Am trying to recall if you said she was elderly and in poor health. If this is the case in your place I'd do all I can to work through this with her so that you don't regret not having done so later. And if this is not the case, it would be wise to work through the issue with her, too, so that the two of you can move on and you'll have a mother you can relate with for the rest of your life.

Edited July 15, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease

[anika99]

This is a tough one. I can only imagine how creeped out you must have felt at waking up to find your mother's hand on your penis. What were you wearing at the time? Was your mother's hand over or under your clothes? Was her hand just laying on top of your penis or was she actually caressing or holding your penis? Sorry for the graphic questions but I think these details matter. If your mom's hand was over your clothes and sort of just laying on your crotch then I doubt she was molesting you.

 

I think you need to decide how you're going to go forward. If you are going to continue a relationship with your mom then you really have to stop calling her a child molestor everytime you get the least bit annoyed with her. However even if she didn't molest you I have no doubt that you were affected by her alcoholism as a child and even as an adult. Perhaps you could look for some help specifically geared towards that. There is a group called ACOA, short for adult children of alcoholics. They have chapters all over, much like Alanon or Alcoholics Anonymous.

[bct2017]

This is a tough one. I can only imagine how creeped out you must have felt at waking up to find your mother's hand on your penis. What were you wearing at the time? Was your mother's hand over or under your clothes? Was her hand just laying on top of your penis or was she actually caressing or holding your penis? Sorry for the graphic questions but I think these details matter. If your mom's hand was over your clothes and sort of just laying on your crotch then I doubt she was molesting you.

 

I think you need to decide how you're going to go forward. If you are going to continue a relationship with your mom then you really have to stop calling her a child molestor everytime you get the least bit annoyed with her. However even if she didn't molest you I have no doubt that you were affected by her alcoholism as a child and even as an adult. Perhaps you could look for some help specifically geared towards that. There is a group called ACOA, short for adult children of alcoholics. They have chapters all over, much like Alanon or Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

It is really hard to remember I am sure I would have had pajamas but I just remember waking hand on or near penis can't remember if hand was over or under cloths but I felt startled and uncomfortable and I am not sure why I can't remember more details.but I do remember something waking me and happening.

 

But I decided to fogive my mom she is only in fifties but poor health I want to put it behind me when I posted it was after an argument and I called her a child molester and I since apologized I said I am sorry for calling you that I do not think you molested me and I am sorry it made me put up a wall for so long. I am sad I was not close to my mom physically or even sister did not hug or hold their hands. But I have not had problems with females I dated and intamicy.

 

I don't think she molested but maybe was drunk and made a poor decision .

 

Since it only happened once I feel I need to put behind me.

 

I am not going to be checking back to much I made this account because I am having marriage problems and I ended up posting all my baggage and it is hard and causing some anxiety so I plan on trying not to check forum and I am seeking therapist.

 

I appreciate the time people took. I will check back but sparingly.

[major_merrick]

Often it seems that fuzzy memory is the mind's way of defending itself from something that is harmful.

 

As someone who had repeated, negative interactions like this with my mother (and I really don't want to discuss it more than that) I have only this to say: If you can, block it out. Stop calling your mom a child molester, avoid fights, and simply do what you have to to take care of your family....just don't get close to her. If it continues to really bother you, you might have to cut off contact for your own sanity. Only you can decide this.