Acceptance that she's not coming back 5 weeks on

[Rko28]

Happened tonight out of nowhere, night before last we were planning a holiday, tonight went for a walk, she was quiet and came out saying "not feeling it anymore" "something missing" "not sure if it's passing phase, only felt like this for a week" "scared that I love her so much"

 

6 months in, I thought all was perfect, no arguements, see each other a healthy amount, have fun together, just a great couple. She told me regularly "you're my favourite person on this planet" and "I am absolutely obsessed with you"

 

I can't get my head around it, I feel so numb, I don't know what to do, it's been a long time since I was in this position. I feel lost. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

Help me

[Nogan]

I don't know? This isn't as uncommon a situation as it should be. Something changed. Maybe the permanence sunk in and it scared her. The butterflies diminished and she over-analyzed the relationship rather than just enjoying the transition. Maybe she met someone and decided to chase flirtation rather than stability. Maybe an old ex came back in the picture.

 

There's really no way of knowing.

 

I think most of these situations really just boil down to one person being ready for something serious and the other person being ambivalent. For whatever reason. They may not even know.

 

That's one of the hardest parts. It's tough to say whether they're really looking for something else or just aren't in a place in their lives to settle down.

 

It's happened to me. It's happened to plenty of other people. I'm so sorry

[Hurtingguy]

Happened tonight out of nowhere, night before last we were planning a holiday, tonight went for a walk, she was quiet and came out saying "not feeling it anymore" "something missing" "not sure if it's passing phase, only felt like this for a week" "scared that I love her so much"

 

6 months in, I thought all was perfect, no arguements, see each other a healthy amount, have fun together, just a great couple. She told me regularly "you're my favourite person on this planet" and "I am absolutely obsessed with you"

 

I can't get my head around it, I feel so numb, I don't know what to do, it's been a long time since I was in this position. I feel lost. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

Help me

 

She may just be overwhelmed or she may think things are moving too fast my advice give her a few days to come around maybe you guys are spending too much time together... Woman are a weird species unfortunately and we will never know what they are really thinking...she needs time to miss you and realize what she really wants...I would keep in touch with her but don't call and text her all day maybe just a message in the morning saying hope you have a good day and maybe one at bedtime wishing her a gnite don't talk about what's going on don't ask questions just let her come back to you if you guys ended things well I'm sure she will come back around...remember the more you try the further away you will push her

[Rko28]

I'd say 99.9% it's not an ex or anyone else, she's a good girl and I trust that.

 

Like you say it's hard to say what. It's happened so fast and out the blue I couldn't take it all in and remember what she said.

 

Do I have a right to message her just to ask again so I can make sense of it?

[Hurtingguy]

I'd say 99.9% it's not an ex or anyone else, she's a good girl and I trust that.

 

Like you say it's hard to say what. It's happened so fast and out the blue I couldn't take it all in and remember what she said.

 

Do I have a right to message her just to ask again so I can make sense of it?

 

I'm not saying it someone else...my ex was the same way with me for over 2 years and would literally say the same thing I'm obsessed with you...that doesn't mean anything believe me...if you keep asking it's just gonna piss her off if she wanted to talk about it she would have by now....she needs time to think she needs time to miss you don't bring anything up it will cause more problems for you...go LC like I said just a quick text wishing her a good day don't tell her you miss her or love her or want her back it's not up to you anymore balls in her court you have to just let her be...try and go out and have fun don't say you wanna sleep and not wake up ESPECIALLY TO HER. You will seem very weak please my friend if u want a chance you need to listen even tho I know you won't ...if you keep pushing she will be gone forever try to occupy your mind read books workout but the best thing to do is be with family it helps me a lot to be around ppl that love you talk to your family and friends they will be there for you and if you feel like you can't come here and talk and express everything nobody here is gonna judge you...learn from our mistakes I've gone nc with my ex and it's driving her crazy she calls all day and texts me but I refuse to answer...(except today I caved in) but trust me do what we tell you and u may have a chance in the near future

[Rko28]

I'm not saying it someone else...my ex was the same way with me for over 2 years and would literally say the same thing I'm obsessed with you...that doesn't mean anything believe me...if you keep asking it's just gonna piss her off if she wanted to talk about it she would have by now....she needs time to think she needs time to miss you don't bring anything up it will cause more problems for you...go LC like I said just a quick text wishing her a good day don't tell her you miss her or love her or want her back it's not up to you anymore balls in her court you have to just let her be...try and go out and have fun don't say you wanna sleep and not wake up ESPECIALLY TO HER. You will seem very weak please my friend if u want a chance you need to listen even tho I know you won't ...if you keep pushing she will be gone forever try to occupy your mind read books workout but the best thing to do is be with family it helps me a lot to be around ppl that love you talk to your family and friends they will be there for you and if you feel like you can't come here and talk and express everything nobody here is gonna judge you...learn from our mistakes I've gone nc with my ex and it's driving her crazy she calls all day and texts me but I refuse to answer...(except today I caved in) but trust me do what we tell you and u may have a chance in the near future

Thanks I'll give that a go, I can't see her chasing me though, she's very matter of fact about things and black and white, head strong if you will.

 

I just need to let it all sink in, I'm feeling like someone close to me has died, it's a total shock

[preraph]

Maybe the holiday planning seemed too permanent for her and she thought she better get out before your lives get even more intertwined, or it scared her, the seriousness of it.

[Rko28]

Maybe the holiday planning seemed too permanent for her and she thought she better get out before your lives get even more intertwined, or it scared her, the seriousness of it.

 

It was her idea, I said I'd love to go on holiday this year but my friends are all tied up at which point she said "well why don't we go on holiday? We would have a great time"

 

She's relies to my text saying that we are both different people and that's another reason why she wasn't feeling it. I'm so confused

[Hurtingguy]

Thanks I'll give that a go, I can't see her chasing me though, she's very matter of fact about things and black and white, head strong if you will.

 

I just need to let it all sink in, I'm feeling like someone close to me has died, it's a total shock

 

You don't need her to chase you that's not what is is about...she prolly needs time to think about what she really wants if your the guy she wants to have a LTR with...time heals things and sometimes fixes things and if it doesn't get her back then you know she wasn't the o e for you...I still hope my ex will come back but I don't bank on it, I'm trying to heal make myself better so if that day comes I know her and I will work together...if you keep chasing her I gauantee she is gone for good OP.. And yes a break up can feel like you lost a loved one believe me I feel the same way sad can't sleep don't eat cry but I'm getting stronger I don't cry anymore my appetite is back sleeping pattern is still off but I get through it take a gravol it helps me sleep...if you don't rest your brain never gets a chance to rest your gonna keep playing the same things over again in your head..if it's meant to be you guys will be together again and if it's not just know that there is someone else out there for you I know right now you don't feel like there is but those feeling will go away but not until you make yourself confident and string again. I know nothing makes sense to you right now but it will in time keep talking and say everything you want to here I'm here I'm n it going anywhere

[jamili]

This sort of thing happens all the time, sadly. Just search on this forum and read other seemingly identical accounts.

 

They say humans are hypergamus per biology... not sure if that is true or not. You will probably never know why. Its very likely she has been secretly thinking about dumping you for months, and just telling you now. You woudnt have known - some people hide it and fake it so freakishly well.

 

Feeling numb is normal. You were blindsided. Happened to me too, twice in my life so far. What you need to do now is accept her decision, however left-field it may seem, and walk away and then go No Contact - which means never contact her again, and if she contacts you, ignore it, unless she specifically and unequivocally asks for you back. But dont count on that. Your chances dimish each time you have any communication or contact with her, so stay away. Block if you need to.

[Marc878]

If you chase they move farther away. Always!!!

[preraph]

It was her idea, I said I'd love to go on holiday this year but my friends are all tied up at which point she said "well why don't we go on holiday? We would have a great time"

 

She's relies to my text saying that we are both different people and that's another reason why she wasn't feeling it. I'm so confused

 

Well, if that's what she said, then I just think she liked you but not romantically and couldn't see being together for the future so she broke up so she can find someone she finds better suited. I'm sorry.

 

Nothing to be gained by cornering her about it. You will only force her to get particular about what little things she didn't find sexy about you or husband material or that sort of thing. Sometimes after awhile a person starts to feel more like a brother than a lover, through no fault of their own. It's sad.

[LostOnes05]

Do not contact her. It was her idea to break up and must be her idea to initiate a reconciliation. Then it's up to you whether or not to accept it. Personally, I'd fall off the face of the Earth and let her be. You'll get no more information than you already have. She has made a decision and now she has to live with the consequences...good or bad. Don't fall into the idea of maintaining contact to help change her mind, or save her from herself. It won't work.

 

Best of luck and take time to heal so you can be just a good or better for yourself and the next person that comes along.

[Maldives]

I get ur confusion my ex did that for yrs never met anyone like u ur my soulmate totally confusing wen they do a 180. All I can put it down to is they felt that way at the time and then there feelings changed for watever reason. Sorry I can't be more thorough but believe it's as simple as that.

 

It's kinda scary. Imagine u r married tied all ur assets together.

I can't take relationships seriously after way I been thru in my case I can see where I went wrong but they equally sometimes made me unhappy but I never thought of just chucking in the towel well not so easily.

I've come to learn (im in my 40'S now) u just cannot rely or put u hopes on anyone individual. People change that doesn't mean u dont give it a shot some last. That's life

Edited June 10, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Rko28]

Thanks for the he advice people.

She offered (without me asking) to meet up once it had sunk it to talk to through so it could help me understand it better. I neither accepted the offer or declined.

 

I asked if she's sure she made the right decision and she said no she isn't but I'm too good if a person to be messed around whilst she sorts her "scatty brain" out.

 

I just can't process it at all, saying we are different people and not sure how things would work in the long run, I don't get where that has come from, obviously we are different but we have similar interests and ALWAYS have fun together, she even said so herself.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

I've gone through a similar thing. Its the most heartbreaking thing i've ever been through and 6 months later, im not over it. Im so Sorry. I really don't feel anyone can be relied upon or trusted in a romantic relationship.

[Rko28]

It's really is, if we had been arguing I think I'd be better but there's been nothing.

Tuesday: she was reminding me to return RSVP card for her sisters wedding

Sunday: saying I was her favourite person on the planet and realised no one loves her as much as I do.

 

Wish there was a switch to turn this off

[Nogan]

It's really is, if we had been arguing I think I'd be better but there's been nothing.

Tuesday: she was reminding me to return RSVP card for her sisters wedding

Sunday: saying I was her favourite person on the planet and realised no one loves her as much as I do.

 

Wish there was a switch to turn this off

You don't have to turn it off, man. You are allowed to continue loving and caring for this person. But it's going to take on a different form if you are no longer romantically intertwined. Give it some time. Give her some space.

[Rko28]

You don't have to turn it off, man. You are allowed to continue loving and caring for this person. But it's going to take on a different form if you are no longer romantically intertwined. Give it some time. Give her some space.

 

Do you think by giving her space and me going no contact it will bring her back? She says she still loves me

[Rko28]

Day 2 of NC, really struggling, not slept well at all since Friday, can't eat, find myself having crying break downs.

Went to a restaurant with friends last night, the smell of the place brought back memories of being with her in similar places I had to cut the night short.

 

I am in absolute pieces with it all.

 

I saw on her snapchat story she was out with friends at a festival having a great drunken time laughing and joking. She said "please don't block me off social media and everything, I mean you can but please don't" I'm going to have to inthink.

 

Thought by now I'd have heard off her and she would've said what a mistake she's made, but nothing, not even a drunk text off her

[salparadise]

It's really is, if we had been arguing I think I'd be better but there's been nothing.

Tuesday: she was reminding me to return RSVP card for her sisters wedding

Sunday: saying I was her favourite person on the planet and realised no one loves her as much as I do.

 

Wish there was a switch to turn this off

 

I'm sorry man. I empathize with how miserable it can be at this time; had a similar thing happen a few months ago. Take it one day at a time, understand that this too shall pass, and take really good care of yourself. Understand, it wasn't you who collapsed, she's the one who ran away rather than face the fear of being vulnerable.

 

The broken-hearted are the bravest among us. They had the courage to love.

~Brené Brown, Rising Strong

[Rko28]

I'm sorry man. I empathize with how miserable it can be at this time; had a similar thing happen a few months ago. Take it one day at a time, understand that this too shall pass, and take really good care of yourself. Understand, it wasn't you who collapsed, she's the one who ran away rather than face the fear of being vulnerable.

 

The broken-hearted are the bravest among us. They had the courage to love.

~Brené Brown, Rising Strong

 

Thank you, I know it will pass, they always do but at the minute I can't see it at all.

 

I know it wasn't me but in some ways i wish it was, then I'd know why it happened and what I could do to improve.

[airborne3502]

Day 2 of NC, really struggling, not slept well at all since Friday, can't eat, find myself having crying break downs.

Went to a restaurant with friends last night, the smell of the place brought back memories of being with her in similar places I had to cut the night short.

 

I am in absolute pieces with it all.

 

I saw on her snapchat story she was out with friends at a festival having a great drunken time laughing and joking. She said "please don't block me off social media and everything, I mean you can but please don't" I'm going to have to inthink.

 

Thought by now I'd have heard off her and she would've said what a mistake she's made, but nothing, not even a drunk text off her

 

 

The blindsided breakups are the worst.

 

You can't sleep, you can't enjoy anything, and crave answers you'll never get, while your mind scrutinizes every single detail of the relationship.

 

I was hoping that by "taking it like a man", my ex would reconsider. She didn't.

 

I sent her a text after a couple of weeks after the breakup asking for a proper explanation. I didn't get one.

 

She eventually sent me a blame-shifting, guilt-shifting text that essentially released her from all responsibility.

 

Gee, thanks.

 

Nothing your ex has to say, at this point, is going to help you.

 

Later on, a friend got me the answers I was looking for. That didn't really help either. I already knew I didn't do anything wrong, and knowing my ex's motivations for breaking up made no difference.

 

What you need to do is strap yourself in good and tight, because you are on an emotional rollercoaster. You have to go on that ride. There is no way around it. You will feel every twist and turn.

 

You'll eventually make it to that first day where she isn't the first thing you think about when you wake up. It may only last a few minutes, but it's a start. Next, you'll make it to that first day you don't feel like total crap. Eventually, you'll get to a day where something actually makes you feel good. It will probably be something small.

 

The important thing is that you keep moving forward, and leave your ex in the rearview mirror where she belongs.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HER.

 

Stay off her social media, because it's nothing more than her trying to convince the world, and herself, how great her life is without you.

 

If you made her that happy, her life isn't great. Trust me. That's the ride she gets to go on now due to the consequences of her actions.

 

Focus on you. Focus on the things you like to do, even if it's difficult to get through them. You'll have emotional relapses. They're inevitable.

 

Post here, and post often. Bond with others in the same boat.

 

Talk about the breakup until you get tired of talking about it.

 

Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, it will get better.

[Rko28]

Thanks very much for the above, really appreciate it.

I've just been with friends who advised to contact her to get the answers they think I deserve... so I did and we are going to meet Tuesday.

 

She did say that she's sure it's the right thing now and it's more to do with us being different and feelings changing.

 

Obviously I can't question feelings changing but being different I can, she avoided the question and then said she will answer it on Tuesday face to face rather than over text.

 

I just need answers

[Rko28]

I spoke to her brother today at work, he introduced us, I waited for him to bring it up, he said it's come as a shock and he didn't see it coming at all. He can't believe it.

 

I asked how is she, if she's upset which he answered "if I'm being honest, she's not upset, she said she's sure it's the right thing because if it wasn't she would be really upset"

 

He said if it were him in my shoes he would still meet her to talk.

 

Day 3 and I'm still a complete mess, work was so hard today, had to fight back tears most of the day. I'm still struggling to eat even though I'm so hungry nothing is going down. It's like my body has gone in to shock.