Author Rko28 Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 Absolutely clutching at straws here and doing myself no good what so ever clinging on to false hope when I've been told she won't change her mind, but... She is on the hormone coil birth control, it came to me last night could this have done anyhting as one of my exes went on the wrong pill once and it sent her emotions all over the place so I googled it. Quite a few women have this type of coil and a lot have reported extreme changes of emotion and mood swings. Could it be? Link to post Share on other sites
kortz Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Absolutely clutching at straws here and doing myself no good what so ever clinging on to false hope when I've been told she won't change her mind, but... She is on the hormone coil birth control, it came to me last night could this have done anyhting as one of my exes went on the wrong pill once and it sent her emotions all over the place so I googled it. Quite a few women have this type of coil and a lot have reported extreme changes of emotion and mood swings. Could it be? Clutching at straws there. At the end of the day regardless of what she says about not being sure or wanting to talk to you it comes down to one simple question, does she want to be with you, yes or no? And it's a no....and that's what you need to stick with unless she explicitly tells you otherwise...and don't bank on her doing that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 I didn't post this but we met up tuesday night and had a mature conversation about the break up. Reasons were: Thinks I love her more than she loves me and that's why we are different (not personality wise) Went on holiday and realised she wasn't missing me unlike the rest of her friends missing their bfs Not 1 reason why it ended but lots of little reasons 6 months in and she hasn't met my family or been to my house (I live at home with my mum and little brother in a council house, her dad is a millionaire in a big posh house, I was embarrassed to bring her home and my mum was too. Thinks I agreed with too many of her opinions Maybe a bit too nice at times Moved too quick Couldn't see/imagine me in her future with a house,marriage etc Deserve someone that loves me as much as I love them Going travelling for 4 months (I knew this and was going to meet her for a bit) Been single 3 years before me and until me wasn't interested in boys/relationships, thinks she's got used to being single. Wanted to end it now incase we got longer down line and it would hurt more. A very civil meet, very mature, god I love the girl so much, we said our goodbyes and again she said please don't be childish and delete her off everything, I said it was my perogative and I only want to hear off her if she has had a change of mind, absolutely sure and begs me, even then I may have moved on. She said she wouldn't be coming back and no false hope. Please digest and let me know what you think. We've not spoke since Link to post Share on other sites
JHA19 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I didn't post this but we met up tuesday night and had a mature conversation about the break up. Reasons were: Thinks I love her more than she loves me and that's why we are different (not personality wise) Went on holiday and realised she wasn't missing me unlike the rest of her friends missing their bfs Not 1 reason why it ended but lots of little reasons 6 months in and she hasn't met my family or been to my house (I live at home with my mum and little brother in a council house, her dad is a millionaire in a big posh house, I was embarrassed to bring her home and my mum was too. Thinks I agreed with too many of her opinions Maybe a bit too nice at times Moved too quick Couldn't see/imagine me in her future with a house,marriage etc Deserve someone that loves me as much as I love them Going travelling for 4 months (I knew this and was going to meet her for a bit) Been single 3 years before me and until me wasn't interested in boys/relationships, thinks she's got used to being single. Wanted to end it now incase we got longer down line and it would hurt more. A very civil meet, very mature, god I love the girl so much, we said our goodbyes and again she said please don't be childish and delete her off everything, I said it was my perogative and I only want to hear off her if she has had a change of mind, absolutely sure and begs me, even then I may have moved on. She said she wouldn't be coming back and no false hope. Please digest and let me know what you think. We've not spoke since Your not being childish by removing her from everything. Do what you think is best for you. Think about it. Does she deserve to see what your up to? Is it going to help you move forward? Nope. If it's meant to be it will until then try to forget about her. Link to post Share on other sites
airborne3502 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 You didn't challenge her, she got bored, and moved on. Her loss. I'm sorry you fell in love with this person. You got answers, and that's more than a lot of people get. She actually said it was childish to delete her off of everything? Take a minute, and think about how condescending it was of her to say that to you. The least childish thing you can do, is be a man and move on with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Just been through it. Literally nothing you can do. This is the hardest part for a lot of guys. Taking it gracefully. Did I challenge me ex enough? In hindsight, probably not. But do we really need someone that high maintenance? There is an emotionally stable woman out there for you. Just need to find it. 2 months from now you'll feel differently. Will prob be a rough 2 months tho. We can't force people to be in love with us..but it does suck a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 That's the hardest part, I only returned whatshe showed, or at least I thought I did. For those 6 months there was no game playing or signs of it, trust me I've been with girls in the past and would have spotted it. I know I'll be ok but this is the worst break up feeling I've experienced, I've had longer relationships in the past but when broken up I look back and think "oh yea this, this and this wasn't right" or "well I'm glad I won't have to put up with that again" also a feeling of a little excitement at meeting the next girl. I have none of that now, complete opposite, I thought and could see her being the girl I spent my whole life with. Maybe my own fault for building that up but that's how she made me feel and how perfect she was in actions and words Link to post Share on other sites
GOB Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) I am in the exact same boat as you, first time she broke up with me she was talking about holidays and how much she loved me and it was great, we had just had a weekend away and the day after... she literally just said she's not happy. I walked away gutted but life goes on. Two weeks later she sends a frank, honest message saying she freaked out, I was elated, met her, told her exactly what I wanted and to make sure she wanted me. We got back together, and it was great again. Fast forward about 4/5 months to now she's just done it again, two weeks ago she was telling me why we are so great together that her and her friend had been discussing, 10 days ago I'm on holiday with her family discussing moving in with her and now I'm single. She said we are too different, want different things and basically we never had that click, asked her why she got back with me and she said she thought that's what she wanted. Cruel thing to do and her actions in the weeks before were quite the opposite to her reasons of wanting to, she's been stressed and not herself. It's also sad that you do have to kind of play games in a relationship, you have to put your foot down and tell her no, tell her when she annoys you and be aloof, don't make her feel relaxed, it's ridiculous but I'm starting to believe, that's the way. She may come back and you will want to give it a go but from experience... it doesn't work. Edited June 17, 2017 by GOB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 I am in the exact same boat as you, first time she broke up with me she was talking about holidays and how much she loved me and it was great, we had just had a weekend away and the day after... she literally just said she's not happy. I walked away gutted but life goes on. Two weeks later she sends a frank, honest message saying she freaked out, I was elated, met her, told her exactly what I wanted and to make sure she wanted me. We got back together, and it was great again. Fast forward about 4/5 months to now she's just done it again, two weeks ago she was telling me why we are so great together that her and her friend had been discussing, 10 days ago I'm on holiday with her family discussing moving in with her and now I'm single. She said we are too different, want different things and basically we never had that click, asked her why she got back with me and she said she thought that's what she wanted. Cruel thing to do and her actions in the weeks before were quite the opposite to her reasons of wanting to, she's been stressed and not herself. It's also sad that you do have to kind of play games in a relationship, you have to put your foot down and tell her no, tell her when she annoys you and be aloof, don't make her feel relaxed, it's ridiculous but I'm starting to believe, that's the way. She may come back and you will want to give it a go but from experience... it doesn't work. Thank you, I'm sorry to hear about your story I've been reading lots of similar stories and never had an idea this was such a regular way to get dumped. Whilst I do want her back more than anything I think I'd be constantly anxious about it and not sure that's healthy, unless she gave me good reasons why. I know today she is with her sister on what we call a local hen party, she will be out pretty much all day drinking. Stupid false hope is thinking maybe she will come to her senses tonight and the drink will Make her see that we can sort it. Massive wishful thinking on my part Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 You need to hope that the alcohol doesn't trigger her to reach out, because all that will likely lead to is a sober "I'm so sorry, it was a mistake to call you, I was drunk, let's forget that happened." In other words, it won't be a good thing because you'll just get to experience the pain all over again when her beer goggles come off and she reiterates her desire to stay broken up. And really, would you want to be with someone who needs to be drunk to feel like she should be with you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GOB Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 You didn't challenge her, she got bored, and moved on. Her loss. I'm sorry you fell in love with this person. You got answers, and that's more than a lot of people get. She actually said it was childish to delete her off of everything? Take a minute, and think about how condescending it was of her to say that to you. The least childish thing you can do, is be a man and move on with your life. Thank you, I'm sorry to hear about your story I've been reading lots of similar stories and never had an idea this was such a regular way to get dumped. Whilst I do want her back more than anything I think I'd be constantly anxious about it and not sure that's healthy, unless she gave me good reasons why. I know today she is with her sister on what we call a local hen party, she will be out pretty much all day drinking. Stupid false hope is thinking maybe she will come to her senses tonight and the drink will Make her see that we can sort it. Massive wishful thinking on my part These women aren't for us, we can't please them, theyre selfish in the sense that when it was working for them they're happy, when you have a bad time they run. Not nice people, but we love them and believe relationships are up and down and stick by in the hard times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 You need to hope that the alcohol doesn't trigger her to reach out, because all that will likely lead to is a sober "I'm so sorry, it was a mistake to call you, I was drunk, let's forget that happened." In other words, it won't be a good thing because you'll just get to experience the pain all over again when her beer goggles come off and she reiterates her desire to stay broken up. And really, would you want to be with someone who needs to be drunk to feel like she should be with you? Very true. To be honest even when I was with her she wouldnt really text me drunk and if she did it would just be a quick message so there's no way she will send me one now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 Yup, so there was no text. Nothing. This girl has turned so cold Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) Yup, so there was no text. Nothing. This girl has turned so cold No offense man, but there was really no reason for her to text you. She isn't being cold; she broke up with you. I don't get why you expected a drunken night out might change that? You pinned your hopes on her having a change of heart on a hen night - I don't understand the connection there. Can you elaborate on why you thought you might hear from her? Edited June 18, 2017 by ExpatInItaly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 She is "cold" because staying in contact, texting you and meeting up with you will only give you hope. She has decided it is over, she thinks there is no future, so there is therefore no need to speak to you any longer, it is done. She gave you enough genuine reasons for the split, therefore there needs to be no doubt in your mind. You have to go your own separate ways from now on. It is hard but one sided relationships do not work, she knows that. It doesn't make her a bad person, we all need to find relationships that work for us, it was obviously not working for her so she broke up with you. She did the right thing for her and for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I just thought when drunk the truth tends to come out, wishful thinking it I thought maybe this would apply here. Is there any reason why she would still have pictures of me together up on social media? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I just thought when drunk the truth tends to come out, wishful thinking it I thought maybe this would apply here. Is there any reason why she would still have pictures of me together up on social media? She might just not have got around to it yet. But she probably also knows that when she removes them, people will start asking her questions and might not be ready to talk about it yet. I had a few of an ex on social media after we split as well, but they came down a few weeks thereafter when I felt ready to address the inevitable questions that followed. There were also a couple others that I simply forgot were still there, as they eventually got buried, and I deleted them more than a year later. Don't read into it, in other words. It more than likely doesn't mean anything, really. And it would best if you stopped checking her social media too, and blocked her. Some day you'll see your photos are gone, or a photo of her with another guy, and your healing will be back to Square One. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I just thought when drunk the truth tends to come out, wishful thinking it I thought maybe this would apply here. You are clutching at straws here. She broke up with you and then stone cold sober, sat down and gave you lots of reasons as to why it would never work out with you, so why would you think that was not "the truth"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I know, you are all right. I was doing stupid thinkings like "what if she's started to miss me now" Like you all say, she's given me reasons in the cold light of day. Just finding it hard to accept feelings can change like this so quickly Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I know, you are all right. I was doing stupid thinkings like "what if she's started to miss me now" Like you all say, she's given me reasons in the cold light of day. Just finding it hard to accept feelings can change like this so quickly They likely didn't change as quickly as you think; they almost never do. She might have been good at hiding her doubts but feelings don't change overnight. It's more probable that she'd been unsure for a little while but waited until she felt more sure in her choice to end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 No offense man, but there was really no reason for her to text you. She isn't being cold; she broke up with you. I don't get why you expected a drunken night out might change that? You pinned your hopes on her having a change of heart on a hen night - I don't understand the connection there. Can you elaborate on why you thought you might hear from her? I guess that is what hope (and young age?) does, it makes us irrational. Nevertheless good advice as she has turned the page and sometimes misses the convenience. I never read a story here (or heard) about an ex who still said the same after being sober again. Life sometimes is (a bit) cruel to us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 They likely didn't change as quickly as you think; they almost never do. She might have been good at hiding her doubts but feelings don't change overnight. It's more probable that she'd been unsure for a little while but waited until she felt more sure in her choice to end it. Why didn't she tell me at the time? Some of the reasons she gave in ending it were fixable. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Why didn't she tell me at the time? Some of the reasons she gave in ending it were fixable. Because she didn't feel strongly enough about you to want to try to fix it. And sometimes we know that we can't fix it, becasue we just can't force ourselves to feel a certain way about someone when we know our heart isn't in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) Why didn't she tell me at the time? Some of the reasons she gave in ending it were fixable. People tend to tell the other often when they already made a decision. Talking about problems always does change things in the dynamic. Often also people are to lazy to want to fix things as they feel that we are replaceable. And some people change their mind after they made all the promises: sometimes because we fall short, sometimes because we needed to be mindreaders, because they have become insecure, or just because they are immature. I have learned that most people are less careful with words than I am. It is why you often read on this board that you should look at people their actions instead of listening to their words. In the end I guess their is no golden rule to why some people succeed and others do not. Edited June 18, 2017 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rko28 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I think that's the hard bit, that she doesn't care as much as I thought she did, even though her actions back it up. Not sure if any of you have seen 500 days of summer? When they break up he has flashbacks of little signs that things weren't right between them (even though myself and my ex are nothing like them) I can't think of any signs. I'm actually Missing her family more than her today Link to post Share on other sites
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