Acceptance that she's not coming back 5 weeks on

[ExpatInItaly]

Meh, these "break-up gurus" are ultimately trying to get you to buy something. So they invent a formula, something that sounds concrete, (wait 30 days! then initiate "casual" and "friendly" contact! then try to joke and flirt with her!) and get their friends and family to write a bunch of positive reviews, posing as "satisfied customers."

 

It's a bunch of hot air. If someone really doesn't want the relationship, none of it is going to work.

[Chin Up]

What bothers me the most is they're preying on how upset, vulnerable and desperate someone is when they're hurting like hell and just want the other person back.

 

It really does make me feel sick and sad that they smile through their teeth, shine you on, and then sit back wait when the poor hurting person follows this garbage advice, spends whatever amount of time waiting it out instead of moving on, only to get a cold hard kick in the ass rejection from a still very disinterested ex. Then rub their greedy little hands when you lose your crap after a failed attempt of their "secret ex back tactics" and wait for you to buy the "secret formula". I actually despise those "ex back" guys/gals cuz I see them no differently than a magic potion salesman. They prey on the weak. Booooo!

[Rko28]

I did think it could be a scam hence asking on here.

 

I don't plan to buy anything off him but a lot of the concepts he was saying made a lot of sense. It's not a concrete 30 days he says it might take more but on average that's what he finds is the amount of time for both sides to calm down and emotions to settle so you can think of a clearer mind. He says it may take longer.

 

Corey Wayne also offers similar advice

[kortz]

I did think it could be a scam hence asking on here.

 

I don't plan to buy anything off him but a lot of the concepts he was saying made a lot of sense. It's not a concrete 30 days he says it might take more but on average that's what he finds is the amount of time for both sides to calm down and emotions to settle so you can think of a clearer mind. He says it may take longer.

 

Corey Wayne also offers similar advice

 

They make sense and around 30 days is the point some dust has settled but humans and relationships are so complex that there is no system or plan that can be put in place for getting an ex back. If a relationship is broken then all things like this do is prolong the pain.

[ExpatInItaly]

I did think it could be a scam hence asking on here.

 

I don't plan to buy anything off him but a lot of the concepts he was saying made a lot of sense. It's not a concrete 30 days he says it might take more but on average that's what he finds is the amount of time for both sides to calm down and emotions to settle so you can think of a clearer mind. He says it may take longer.

 

Corey Wayne also offers similar advice

 

Based on my own experience breaking up with a guy I no longer had the "right" feelings for, the above is futile. 30 days or 60 days or even a year later, I never found myself wanting to go back.

 

Considering what your ex has told you in breaking it off, I suspect the same will happen here too. Anything is possible, of course, but I think you're wasting your energy watching all of these videos. Sometimes dumpers really have lost interest and moved on.

[SevenCity]

I did think it could be a scam hence asking on here.

 

I don't plan to buy anything off him but a lot of the concepts he was saying made a lot of sense. It's not a concrete 30 days he says it might take more but on average that's what he finds is the amount of time for both sides to calm down and emotions to settle so you can think of a clearer mind. He says it may take longer.

 

Corey Wayne also offers similar advice

 

Corey Wayne does not offer similar advice. His advice is to tell them you would like to work things out (i.e. Leave the door open) then walk away and never look back and proceed as if she is dead to you. Never contact her again.

 

If she comes back, then make her work for you by having her come to you. If she does, don't bring up the RL or that you are hurt.

 

If you read on here most people will agree (sans the part about ever talking to them again, they want you to block and remove them from your life forever).

 

This approach is good if you became needy and desperate towards the end. It basically says to them that you are moving on with or without them which is good advice for a balanced relationship if they do come back.

 

Best advice is to keep the door open but not chase or contact them. Craig Kenneth agrees with this advice as well.

 

Bottom line is they left and it is their responsibility to come back.

 

If I were you, I would focus on new women. The rare stories you read here about reconciliation almost never last.

[Blanco]

I'm often curious how these more well-known shysters do in the dating world. I know they all present themselves as men who have no difficulty getting women, but like, what would a woman dating one of these guys think if they watched any of the guy's videos where the message is essentially, "Women are all the same and can thus be manipulated by doing this, this, and this."

[elaine567]

The rare stories you read here about reconciliation almost never last.

I agree, the old problems tend to resurface.

The things that they left you for, will start to grate again and/or you will be so insecure/resentful that you spoil it.

 

If they come back due to pity, or loneliness or not wanting to give up on a long standing "habit", or being unsuccessful at dating or things not working out with the person they left you for, then it doomed to failure.

 

Very few couples who attempt to reconcile can move forward in a positive way and not let the past haunt them and ruin their attempt to get back together.

 

OP

Your gf gave you lots of good reasons for why she left, she is not coming back sorry!

[Rko28]

I think today I have accepted the relationship is over and she's not coming back.

Followers of my story the past month will know I'm good friends with her brother, it's been a bit awkward between us as he feels guilty that I'm so upset because he introduced us, I've assured him it isn't at all.

 

Today we had a heart to heart about it, out of the blue he said he could see me hurting and that I'm not the same person anymore. He sat me down and said the following:

 

"Please please get over her and don't think about her, I promise she is not thinking about you at all or hurting. You cant be waiting for her because you will be waiting forever. Im not meaning to be harsh but i know that there is no point in you clinging on the even the tiniest bit of hope or having any feelings for her because she dosent have any for you. Pick yourself up forget everything about her and just do what you have to. Again not meaning to be harsh but its what you need to do

She obviously liked you but i dont think she loved you and thats why she ended it. you cant force love and at the time i think if she could have she would have but you cant so shes just eneded it before things got too serious."

 

I know it's pretty much what she said to me but to hear it again now a bit further down the line is what I wanted. Her brother is a good guy and although he loves his sister and understands her actions he does feel a bit angry towards her. He did confirm 100% there is no one else in the picture.

 

Finally, not sure if it's a family thing or not but he is having EXACTLY the same doubts about his relationship with his current bf, 6 months in and he was telling me he wants to end it for EXACTLY the same reasons.

Is this something that runs in the family? Maybe they can't get close to people?

[springy]

He is a good friend to give it to you straight like that. Nothing running in the family. The process of finding a long term partner can mean going through a few before you meet the right fit. I've had those doubts, my friends have had those doubts, people on this board have those doubts, my exes have had those doubts. It happens. Try to stop analyzing all that stuff. Ultimately it really doesn't matter.

[Funny bunny]

I think despite how harsh it was it's good for us to hear those words. I know it was good for me. Even at this very moment I feel a void in my chest and I'm trying to fill it with something and that is what in searching for. I know it shouldn't be another person so I have to search. There is hope. It's hard every day. Is there any way you can not work with her brother?

[ExpatInItaly]

It's a coincidence that your ex and her brother are both experiencing doubts at the same time. That's all there is to it. As springy said, it's quite normal for people to go through several partners before they find someone they want to settle down with.

 

Her brother ultimately knows her better than you do. If he is telling you she's not coming back and not to wait, I would listen. I know, it's still fresh and painful. But it sounds like he is ultimately trying to help you by being very direct and not sugar-coating.

[Funny bunny]

i know this is going to sound weird but what her brother told you is actually helping me right now... That they've moved on. It makes me want to move on too. Why love someone that doesn't love us back? Really it's unproductive. I'm so sad but I need to move on. We have to keep going. Even if we don't find our future spouse someday we must find a passion or something that we love to do. Invest in relationships around is. We must! There is no other choice. My chest hurts right now lol. My mind is telling my heart to stop. Isn't that so crazy.

[elaine567]

 

Finally, not sure if it's a family thing or not but he is having EXACTLY the same doubts about his relationship with his current bf, 6 months in and he was telling me he wants to end it for EXACTLY the same reasons.

Is this something that runs in the family? Maybe they can't get close to people?

 

I would guess not, it is what people just tend to do, they get into a relationship and it doesn't work for them, and so they want to end it.

Though I do think sometimes break ups can be "contagious". One couple breaks up and other couples they know, tend to break up too. I think one gives the others courage to take the step to split up.

"If Josh can split up with Hannah, then why on earth am I still with Jack..."

They are actually the good guys, the bad guys stick in there and make both as miserable as they are, or falsely build hopes up and quash them years later...

 

Relationships often have beginnings, middles and ends, not everyone lives happily ever after.

[Rko28]

Thanks everyone, I'm glad it's helped you bunny. Just keep reading it when you feel low or missing them.

 

Perhaps it is contagious who knows.

 

I am sure this 5/6 month thing is also prime time for dumping, reading a lot of posts on here it seems that's when things go wrong

[Blanco]

I don't think that's when things go wrong, necessarily. It's just that's usually when there's been enough time passed that the blinders come off and we start to see the real person. Sometimes, it's a close match to the initial perception, but often, it's quite the contrast.

 

Six months is also a pretty good amount of time to gauge whether or not the relationship has real legs for a future. The answer obviously is sometimes, "No," which leads to the breakup.

 

Pretty standard stuff.

[Rko28]

Admin: why have all my threads been merged?

[Blanco]

Because they're all about the same relationship. People can provide better insight if they have proper context.

[Funny bunny]

How are you guys doing today? I'm having a tough Saturday because I forgot to plan something for this evening and I'm at home stuck doing boring homework. It makes me wonder what he is doing but I need to stop that. How are you guys? I'm so glad someone understand what I'm going through

[Rko28]

Probably had my best day since the break up, went to the beach with my mum, little brother and some family that are visiting, was a bit worried because we had a couple of really fantastic dates here, I kept just repeating in my head what her brother told me, I have it written down on my phone so read it a couple of times when things were about to get to me today.

 

One of the best things to happen today tho was to see a few other girls at the beach that I thought were hot, I haven't looked at a girl for the last 6.5 months thinking that, so I'm hoping that part is coming back. One girl even gave me a smile a couple of times.

 

Also a family member asked if I had been working out at the gym, they said it looks like Ive got some "guns" coming out. So this is good.

 

All in all a good positive day, no alcohol either so no depressing hangover tomorrow. The 1st sunny day since the break up were I've not been constantly pining for her (although I did think of her a few times, naturally)

[Funny bunny]

I'm glad to hear that. It's been a tough day. How I wish we could have worked through it. That's awesome that your family is there for you. I would stay away from alcohol... I get the same symptoms during a hangover.. Mainly depression. Just had another good cry alone in the car with small bits of false hopes here and there. Sucks

[Rko28]

Sorry to hear that. Do you have a thread about your problem?

 

I'm feeling sad today, just woke up and feeling a sad bad day ahead. She was on my mind straight away. Not sure where this has come from after yesterday!

[Funny bunny]

Some progress after breakup - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

 

There more to it really.. He would tell his family whenever we fought but I doubt he would share my side of the story so obviously they stopped liking me. He thought I was controlling because I would tell him saving money and eating healthy was important for our future (maybe I did this too much)

[Funny bunny]

I posted the link above

[Rko28]

I'll give it a read later.

 

Yesterday I had a great day in the end, my friends rallied around and we went for a long walk and explored the mountains, then I did something I wanted to for a while, I went back to the place where I got dumped, it's one of my favourite places that I see everyday and the pain comes back, with the help from my friends we got to the top and went some way to replacing the bad last memory with a happy one from yesterday.

 

I put all these pictures on Instagram and one on my story there and thought nothing of it. This morning I can see that she's viewed it, I thought by me unfollowing her on it she would be removed from me too. Anyway, it doesn't mean anything and looking back I've posted some cool pics these last few weeks out having fun so she will have seen im happy (at least on the surface)