Acceptance that she's not coming back 5 weeks on

[Funny bunny]

Don't mean to discourage you hear but in a way that isn't being complete in no communication because you can still see some of her activity, even though it has been completely minimal. Its all for your healing purposes to not see anything <3

 

BUT its awesome that you are keeping yourself busy. Friends, family, and coworkers are a web of support that keep us from falling off the deep end. I'm worried about Mike.C

[trustyourself]

Some progress after breakup - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

 

There more to it really.. He would tell his family whenever we fought but I doubt he would share my side of the story so obviously they stopped liking me. He thought I was controlling because I would tell him saving money and eating healthy was important for our future (maybe I did this too much)

 

Hey Funny Bunny,

I have just dealt with the same thing. My and my ex broke up 6 months ago, and we had some pretty bad fights over the phone. She would get angry and scream, which obviously her parents could hear. They told her I was bad for her. And goodness knows what she was telling them. I am sure I was the bad guy.

 

Anyway, she asked for reconcilliation a month ago. It lasted about 3 weeks, before her parents told her they do not approve and her dad basically forbade her from seeing me. She did not tell me this, but got distant, and then broke it off, as she did not want to lie to or disrespect her parents. She was worried her dad might kick her out of the house.

 

Honestly, I might have dodges a bullet. She lacks the maturity for a LTR anyway, and if she is not willing to fight for "us" in the least, then that shows she was not really committed anyway.

 

It really hurts though.

[Rko28]

Don't mean to discourage you hear but in a way that isn't being complete in no communication because you can still see some of her activity, even though it has been completely minimal. Its all for your healing purposes to not see anything <3

 

BUT its awesome that you are keeping yourself busy. Friends, family, and coworkers are a web of support that keep us from falling off the deep end. I'm worried about Mike.C

 

Yea I see what you're saying but it's very rare I post something like that on story on Instagram, sure she can see my stuff but I can't see hers and that's the most important thing

[Rko28]

Morning, just a little up date, it's now 6 weeks since the break up and 3 weeks full NC.

 

As I said here, I accepted she's not coming back, but there is something foolishly in my mind saying she is, false hope that I've made up in my silly little scatty brain. It's tough to ignore it.

 

6 weeks isn't a long time I know but I'm still pining for her massively. I'm doing everything possible to keep busy, seeing friends, working out, playing sports, family time, hobbies, heck I've even gone to OLD and talked to a few really pretty girls but it's still a struggle.

 

There's nothing I'm looking for from this post, it's just showing my struggles and to let others out there in a similar boat know they aren't alone.

[MarvelFan1]

Its been 11 weeks since I split up from my ex, 7 week of NC, and I'm starting to get there now, with dealing with it all and moving on.

 

Even though I broke up with her for the right reasons and how she treated me, a part of me still want's her back, and when I've looked at it logically, it's just because I'm a tad lonely, with a hint of guilt. I keep hoping she will message me, and want to talk, and maybe see about us getting back together, which I know, a) Won't happen and b) Won't achieve anything if he did, the damage is done.

 

It's doesn't help that I have to drive past her flat frequently, as when I drop my kids back home, they live on a one way street opposite her, so I've seen her in the window a few times.

 

It leaves me a bit muddled inside, but after seeing people say just NC and be strong, I know it's for the best. The last two days I have been on top of the world without her, but this evening, I feel a mini relapse coming on of lonely pangs.

[SevenCity]

Morning, just a little up date, it's now 6 weeks since the break up and 3 weeks full NC.

 

As I said here, I accepted she's not coming back, but there is something foolishly in my mind saying she is, false hope that I've made up in my silly little scatty brain. It's tough to ignore it.

 

6 weeks isn't a long time I know but I'm still pining for her massively. I'm doing everything possible to keep busy, seeing friends, working out, playing sports, family time, hobbies, heck I've even gone to OLD and talked to a few really pretty girls but it's still a struggle.

 

There's nothing I'm looking for from this post, it's just showing my struggles and to let others out there in a similar boat know they aren't alone.

 

This will happen. It's been about 11 months since I was dumped and just last night I had a nightmare about her for the first time in a long while which was ironic because I had some pretty great sex before I went to sleep.

 

Unfortunately the mind does not heal in a linear fashion but you have to stick with it until eventually it goes away. No one knows how long it will take.

[Rko28]

Hello again.

 

Somwe are approaching 10 week mark of being broken up, 8 weeks pure NC.

 

How am I doing? On the face of it better, new job, more money, working out lots, looking good, new clothes, even been on a couple of dates, kissed some attractive girls. All good right?

 

Well not really. I'm still pining for her like crazy, I miss her so much, everything about her. Everyday is a battle not to message her to see how she is and tell her that I'm still madly in love with her. I want her back. I need her back.

 

I have NEVER felt like this about any other exes, by now I've healed and moved on, this time it isn't shifting.

 

Her brother has spoke to me, initially he said she's fine, doesn't talk about me isn't sad etc, and he believes she's moved on and although really liked me didn't truely love me. That was about a month ago. Since then he's said she's very quiet, miserable and moody, barely talks to the family apart from her sister.

 

Could be clutching at straws here but is it because she misses me? Shall I reach out and message her?

[trustyourself]

Hello again.

 

Shall I reach out and message her?

 

Nope. Stay NC.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're reaching, OP.

 

Considering you've been out of touch for a while now, you really don't know what else could be going on with her that would lead to a moody disposition. It could be work, a friend problem, PMS, money, heck, even some other guy.

 

Don't contact her.

[Blanco]

I know her brother means well, but it's not really any of your business what kind of mood his sister has been in.

[BC1980]

Her brother has spoke to me, initially he said she's fine, doesn't talk about me isn't sad etc, and he believes she's moved on and although really liked me didn't truely love me. That was about a month ago. Since then he's said she's very quiet, miserable and moody, barely talks to the family apart from her sister.

 

Could be clutching at straws here but is it because she misses me? Shall I reach out and message her?

 

8 weeks is not a long time. It's totally normal to feel like crud at this point. With my last breakup, it took me about 3 months to get out of my initial funk.

 

I do think you are clutching at straws if you want to message her. It's perfectly possible for the dumper to miss you and feel sad about the breakup. But don't confuse those feelings with her wanting to get back together with you. It's normal to clutch at straws though. It's natural to want to read into any little thing as a sign. If you talk to her brother again, I would keep the subject matter away from the breakup and your ex.

[Rko28]

It's hard when its regards to her brother, I work with him, see him everyday, sit by him and he's a good friend, he feels responsible for my sadness as he introduced us. To be fair he only talks about her when I bring it up, which I know I shouldn't but he's the only link I have to her now, she's gone off all my social media etc.

 

In the grand scheme of things I'm sure 10 weeks without her isn't that long, her going travelling was going to be for 16 weeks so maybe I need more time, I just don't see any light at the end this time. To me she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I was besotted and so in love with her, at last i thought I'd found the one and she felt the same. Just really hurts

[trustyourself]

 

In the grand scheme of things I'm sure 10 weeks without her isn't that long, her going travelling was going to be for 16 weeks so maybe I need more time, I just don't see any light at the end this time. To me she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I was besotted and so in love with her, at last i thought I'd found the one and she felt the same. Just really hurts

 

Dude, I am 7 months in, and it still hurts sometimes. I think about her a lot, from morning to night, but I am coming to the realization that we were not meant to be for a multitude of reasons beyond my control.

 

Were some of those reasons in my control? Yes, and I am working to learn from them and not make those mistakes again.

 

One day at a time my friend. You will get there.

[BC1980]

It's hard when its regards to her brother, I work with him, see him everyday, sit by him and he's a good friend, he feels responsible for my sadness as he introduced us. To be fair he only talks about her when I bring it up, which I know I shouldn't but he's the only link I have to her now, she's gone off all my social media etc.

 

In the grand scheme of things I'm sure 10 weeks without her isn't that long, her going travelling was going to be for 16 weeks so maybe I need more time, I just don't see any light at the end this time. To me she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I was besotted and so in love with her, at last i thought I'd found the one and she felt the same. Just really hurts

 

I'm sure he'd be okay with it if you asked him not to mention her. Most people understand.

[Rko28]

Nonhes really good to be fair, even after it happened he didn't mention it until I did and continues to do so. He is still in shock along with the rest of her family as they didn't see t coming either, they thought she was besotted with me.

 

Are you sure it's not worth seeking her out just one more time? She may have changed her mind but too stubborn/feels bad to let me know?

[stockyoldfrump]

Nonhes really good to be fair, even after it happened he didn't mention it until I did and continues to do so. He is still in shock along with the rest of her family as they didn't see t coming either, they thought she was besotted with me.

 

Are you sure it's not worth seeking her out just one more time? She may have changed her mind but too stubborn/feels bad to let me know?

 

No. If she changes her mind she will come to you in some way and let you know. Absolute best case scenario, even if she is "reconsidering," you going after her during that process will drive her further away.

 

You need to focus as much on yourself as possible.

 

I feel like there are two possible ways in which an ex will come back, the first being an immediate change of heart in the first few days or weeks after. Alas, you're sort of out of that zone by now. So the other is after taking serious time away, mourning the relationship that was, and somewhere down the road falling in love with the new you and desiring a whole new relationship. In my best guess, the only way she'd ever decide to come back would be after a long period of separation and after having seen that you are independent, self sufficient, proud, strong and more than able to survive without her.

 

But that's still a massive long shot. More likely, whether she ever has doubts or not, she will not act on those doubts and you guys won't get back together. In which case, you will absolutely thank yourself for moving on as best you can and putting yourself in position to become the best you possible for yourself and, if you choose, a new partner.

[Rko28]

I do feel like I've improved myself, a new job and working out a lot, I'm feeling good about myself and more confident with who I am and what I look like.

 

Thing is there wasn't a reason why we broke up, not like "you were lazy and didn't care about me" etc, nothing I could change, just that she didn't love

Me as much as I loved her, that she wasn't feeling it as much as she was initially, I mean what can I possibly do to change that?

 

I have read that 1/10 dumpers go back to their exes. I know she has 4 months left in the U.K. Before she travels for 4 months.

 

Do you think that when she's back she will have changed her mind? Bearing in mind by the time she goes we will have been broken up longer than we were together

[stockyoldfrump]

It all depends on her and why she actually broke up with you. Not the reasons she told you, but the actual circumstances of her psyche and sensibilities that led her to make the decision.

 

Given that she's going to be away for a while, I think it's unlikely that she'll be spending her time thinking too much about the relationship. If anything, it'll give her a chance to be distracted. Honestly, in my experience, dumpers will dump you at a time when they feel most comfortable, secure and empowered. They're far more likely to exit a relationship when they have good things on the horizon than when they're dealing with hard things, because the comforts of an existing relationship aren't as necessary when you have a sense of forward progress and an excitement about where your life might take you.

 

I would continue to work on yourself and assume she won't come back. Not because it's strictly impossible, but because waiting will only make you feel more vulnerable, needy, etc.

 

My advice is, as best you can, pretend this woman never existed. I know that sounds harsh, but it's best. Proceed as you would have if you had never met her. Her last understanding of your feelings are that you love her and care about her, so she should feel willing to reach out to you if she ever reconsiders. If that doesn't happen, you have to have enough pride, self-respect, and love for yourself to focus on what you need independent of her.

 

I'm going through a break up that is very similar in terms of both dynamics, length of relationship, and post-break up feelings. One thing that helped me was realizing that, no matter how much I loved my ex and no matter how good a person I thought she was, her decision to end the relationship was entirely selfish. As it should be, as it has to be. There's this thing we do to ourselves as dumpees where we convince ourselves that the dumper had no choice or is confused or whatever, because ultimately the way the news is given to us reflects a sense of passivity that is not in keeping with the reality of the situation. It's also what we want to believe, because it preserves them as what we imagine them to be and also makes reconciliation seem more possible.

 

You have to remember: She wanted out. She wanted to be away from you. And, not only that. She was willing to throw you, everything you are, and everything you gave her away to get out. This may be due to something you did or, more likely, a combination of your issues and her own. But regardless, it wasn't a whim or an impulse. It had been building and it was a decision. And the decision was made for her and her alone, without regard for your feelings or happiness. Because, ultimately, she came to the conclusion that your emotions or needs were no longer a priority for her.

 

You have to internalize that, as painful as it is. Because once you do, you start to see the merit in acting for yourself to the point of disregarding the other person entirely. It's possible to love someone and admit that they injured you in a way that is beyond overlooking. It's possible to forgive someone and disown them all the same. Keep loving your ex if you want, keep respecting her, understand she had her reasons. I do. But also focus on what she did. She abandoned you. She threw you out. She weighed all the things you've ever loved about yourself, prided yourself upon, or struggled to develop against the inconveniences or hardships of the relationship and decided the latter was more important. This is an affront. And it is one you do not crawl back from. You need to treat it as such.

 

Only in making that commitment to act completely for yourself can any of the things you'd actually want - be it a new relationship, attracting her again, or even just being happy alone - come to pass.

Edited August 17, 2017 by stockyoldfrump

[Rko28]

Hi everyone hope you are all well and seeing me hasn't brought the "oh god he's back" thoughts!

So it's 3 months break up now(12 weeks) And 10 weeks of that complete NC.

 

Things are feeling better, I think I'm over the worst of it now, it still hurts, I still think of her every day and wish she would come back, the dreams still happen, but it's nothing as crushing as it was previously.

 

My new job is fantastic and it's really picked me up and I have a holiday with friends coming up, I'm still hitting the gym and have really made some drastic changes For the good, also summer is almost over, all our plans on how to spend the hot sunny days together I can soon forget... winter is coming!

 

This weekend was a little

Tough, I know she's away with friends in Ibiza and is the only single one, she booked it before we met. So thoughts have gone to her.

 

As I said, over the worst of it so

Hopefully it will start to get better and better now. Although there is still that hope that when she comes back from travelling her mind will have changed

[amazonrambo]

Hi everyone hope you are all well and seeing me hasn't brought the "oh god he's back" thoughts!

So it's 3 months break up now(12 weeks) And 10 weeks of that complete NC.

 

Things are feeling better, I think I'm over the worst of it now, it still hurts, I still think of her every day and wish she would come back, the dreams still happen, but it's nothing as crushing as it was previously.

 

My new job is fantastic and it's really picked me up and I have a holiday with friends coming up, I'm still hitting the gym and have really made some drastic changes For the good, also summer is almost over, all our plans on how to spend the hot sunny days together I can soon forget... winter is coming!

 

This weekend was a little

Tough, I know she's away with friends in Ibiza and is the only single one, she booked it before we met. So thoughts have gone to her.

 

As I said, over the worst of it so

Hopefully it will start to get better and better now. Although there is still that hope that when she comes back from travelling her mind will have changed

 

Hmm, the whole point of NC is to focus on yourself, cutting her out of your life, etc. Seems like you're keeping tabs on her still, which is ruining what NC is for.

 

Have you tried a dating website? I jump straight on after a girl breaks up with me. Talking to new girls, going on dates helps a WHOLE lot.