Having trouble readjusting after separation

[Islandguy1828]

So my wife and I separated 2 years ago this August after almost 16 years. We were legally separated December of 2016. Thankfully besides the emotional devastation that comes with something like divorce/separation, it was pretty clean. No big fights or custody battles or anything like that(we don't have children). We actually remain close friends and talk regularly. She has been dating and living with a new guy for about 9 months or so now, and I'm actually happy for her. However, as for myself, I have not been as successful embracing single life like I hear so many people talk about. Before meeting my ex wife I had been single for about a year, so I haven't actually asked a woman out or hit on another woman in almost 18 years now. And I know that a lot of men wouldn't admit to this, but the idea of getting out there and dating again seems slightly mortifying. I also don't have a ton of options where I live. Very small town with a mostly senior population, a couple restaurants, and 1 dive bar. There really isn't much social outlet. Although I do work at one of the restaurants as a bartender and manager, outside of work I spend about 95% of my time alone. Although I do enjoy my own company, the loneliness and isolation are getting to me and depression is setting in. I try and make sure I get away from the house in my spare time and do things, but I do them alone. All of my closest friends live hours away or out of state, and the few that I have in my town are married with families, and don't stray away from home much. I don't know that I want to jump into a new serious relationship right away, but I really miss the companionship. Maybe it's because I still battle the feeling of being a failure due to my marriage not working out, but I feel overwhelmingly awkward about trying to meet another woman. I'm 41 years old, and I should be out living life, and enjoying a woman's company, but I feel stuck and my confidence is a little low right now. Just not sure how to pick myself up again. Thanks for letting me talk

[Superchicken]

Your still young.

Just like yourself, there are many more out there.

Both male and female (Maybe some trannies too ).

 

 

Adjustment is the hardest for a bloke. Women not so much, but yeah, we have the hardest stretch always.

 

 

However, that's when you break loose, and don't think inside the box.

You need to make yourself stand head and shoulders above someone else.

You need to be the first person to be confidant in.

 

 

I keep harping on many others in this forum, and I will keep harping till they put the stray jacket back on me and lock me back in.

 

 

Your own self esteem needs to be up there, high in the clouds.

 

 

Unless you feel good about yourself, how can you believe someone else will ?.

 

 

There must be a Gym in your area. Hit it, and hard. Not just get into shape, but make yourself look beefier, and change your hair style, cloths, cologne, EVERYTHING.

 

 

Dump the old you, get a new you. Look, feel, smell, and act a new person.

 

 

If you notice yourself, then believe it when I say someone else will too.

Increase your odds, and hell, feel better about yourself.

 

 

You need to chat, get a little more motivation you can always hit me here, or instagram. I have friends all over the world, I suggest you get some friends too, and share your stories..

 

 

I too well, know how depressing it is to be in your shoes. My best friend is going through an EA with his wife, and I'm in near daily contact with him.

Its so bad to see anyone in this state, and which is one reason I like to help others get out of this rift.

 

 

Go for it, as you have choices to make..

 

 

Ted.

Edited July 17, 2017 by Superchicken