i've got no life!!!!

[chick]

i have been with my boyfriend for three years and have become so incredibly dependent on him it's not funny. i have lost most of my friends and i can't seem to get motivated to do anything without my boyfriend. he has his own very busy life and i rarely go out unless i am with him. i rely on him not only socially, but for my own everyday happiness. i really don't like being so available to him all the time. he is very outgoing and makes friends easily whereas i am a little more reserved. i often get annoyed with him because he is so busy and i can't understand why he wants to do things without me and why he doesn't include me in everything he does, because i just want to be with him all the time. i know it sounds pathetic but i can't help it! i would love to be more independent and confident - any suggestions?

[Tony T]

You are terribly insecure and this could utlimately cause the demise of your relationship. I urge you to contact your old friends and see if you can reacquaint and patch things up with them.

 

Nobody wants a shadow for a mate. That can burn things out faster than anything else. Your boyfriend seems to have a very healthy attitude toward life and you need to get one as well. You speak as though you have no control over yourself or your life whatsoever. Well, you better get yourself together quickly because YOU are the only one who can control what you do and think.

 

Establish certain things you do with your guy and things you do apart. Be with your friends, learn to like yourself and be happy doing things alone with yourself like shopping, taking drives, reading, or whatever you enjoy doing. Learn to really like your own company as well as that of people other than your boyfriend.

 

Not only does your situation sound pathetic, but it is angerous and surely wiil eventually signal an end to what is now a very unhealthy relationship based on irrational need.

 

Imagine if two separate appliances (you and your boyfriend) are getting energy from the same source...but one of you is sucking energy at a rate much higher than the other. Somethings gotta give sooner or later. This is what's happening now.

 

And you better stop getting annoyed and start understanding why he likes to do some things without you. He is healthy and has reasonable boundaries and understands his uniqueness. He has love for himself and realizes that to continue a healthy existence he must maintain a life apart from you as well as with you. He's got his act together and you need to follow his lead.

 

There may be deep seated psychological reasons why you are insecure, why you have foresaken everyone else for this guy...and he very healthfully has not done the same in return, why you require his company in everything you do. Maybe there are issues from your childhood. Perhaps you could explore this with a competent counsellor.

 

In any case, it's great that you are recognizing your behavior is not healthy or productive. That's the first step to doing something about it.

[Ashesmum]

Take a hobby class, something you'd enjoy. make new friends. start your own social life and if your boyfriend is still around, then let him be part of your life too (if you still want him). Stop depending on him and let yourself see you can do things on your own. It will help get rid of your insecurities. Good luck.

i have been with my boyfriend for three years and have become so incredibly dependent on him it's not funny. i have lost most of my friends and i can't seem to get motivated to do anything without my boyfriend. he has his own very busy life and i rarely go out unless i am with him. i rely on him not only socially, but for my own everyday happiness. i really don't like being so available to him all the time. he is very outgoing and makes friends easily whereas i am a little more reserved. i often get annoyed with him because he is so busy and i can't understand why he wants to do things without me and why he doesn't include me in everything he does, because i just want to be with him all the time. i know it sounds pathetic but i can't help it! i would love to be more independent and confident - any suggestions?