Thai Polish Relationship issue

[georgino]

Hey

 

At the beginning, I would like to apologize for any grammar mistakes. I'm not a native speaker but good enough to put some light on different matters. Thank you.

 

I'm Daniel, 25 y.o. and I've been currently residing in Bangkok.

I've been dating my GF and living with her for about 10 months.

I met here on the social network called: Interpals where we spent about 2 years chatting, sharing experiences etc. Additionally, I acted there as an English teacher as well. I felt elated and thrilled, realizing I came across someone with identical points of view, hobbies, plans for the future. However, at the beginning neither our words nor deeds expressed anything towards being together. Just mere friendship.

Everything changed when she discovered my facebook account and instantly sent the invitation. I approved it and then our story began. (we had a break for about 6 months).

 

To be honest, I have never had a GF before my current one. I had difficult times in Poland and it was tough enough to get through and date anyone. I was obliged to support my family which was poor and unable to get by by itself. The only person who kept them alive was me. I had to take care of a stepfather with cerebral paralysis, mother with neurosis an sister who systematically was taking drugs. My mother did her best, indeed, but not enough because she was unemployed. Therefore, I had a choice: either do as much as I can to make them not starving or care about myself, which IMHO was extremely selfish. Under those circumstances was I never able to date any girl.

 

We started chatting on Facebook when I made all past things work out in a proper way i.e. never interfere with my contemporary life. You will never believe but I was capable of getting out of the hell(my home) and renting my own room, having well-paid job and even enrolling dreamy University. That is one of the biggest achievements which I am really proud of.

My GF and I announced our relationship publicly after 15 days(right after she found me on FB) because the way we communicated depicted the close bond, a lot of understanding between us as well as being supportive throughout the time.

 

She was looking at me as though I was the God. It kind of made my self-esteem go up. Ever since we started on Skype, she was into me every day. Her deeds, smile, eyesight and words. Notwithstanding the low level of her English, we still could have found the way to spend all nights long on talking, having fun and developing our relationship.

After 20 days, I made the most important decision in my life, i.e. to move to Thailand. I have completed my TEFL certificate, prepared all the funds and flew in December. I left my job, University and family. I think I felt in love with her seriously. I always dreamt about the Asian girl, always rejected any European girls which, in fact, were not attractive for me(physically and sexually - don't know why). Thus, the time I met my GF I thought I found my soul mate who understood and supported me during nasty experiences.

 

While I was living with my GF in her condominium, I started to see couple of unacceptable habits which resulted in the numerous, frankly saying, unnecessary quarrels which could have been avoided only if she guessed.

 

I will make a list of things that must be taken into consideration as they affect my attitude and my own system of values:

 

1. She never cleaned up after herself for about 8 months. At the moment, after a thorough discussion and making an award for a one housework done, she gradually started to do the housework. Uff! Before that I used to do every single thing at home: did the dishes, made the bed, dusted the furniture, made laundry and even got rid of her dirty cotton pads!

 

2. It is almost impossible to discuss any serious and mature issue with her. Especially, when Thai culture is involved I can't present my feedbacks on what I don't approve or follow. It is frequently regarded as the insult because I am not capable of comprehending the essence of Thai culture. Another annoying coefficient that is closely connected to Thai culture is "losing face" which means that apologizing is kinda shameful for my GF. Anytime I point her mistakes out, she feels overwhelmingly miserable. To tell the truth, she never came to me first and apologized even though she made a great deal of mistakes. Only after did I do a first step, she felt sorry. Usually, she starts crying and goes to the toilet, locking it from the inside. The conversation is a monologue, I try to make her speak more but it is in vain. She just needs time to find the most appropriate solution. Time!

Astonishingly, most of my talking is helpful. It changes her. Unfortunately it's only temporary as the negative habit comes back as fast it was gone. I'm baffled and don't know what to do with it. She seems to care but afterwards she cuts it out.

 

3. My GF doesn't care about me in a way she should. I see her being selfish: she will eat but not think I am hungry, She will sleep well but doesn't care if I can't sleep. It's just: don't worry, go sleep, bae. There are plenty of stuff like this and I think I would spend all day long typing it.

 

What's more: there are no surprises, no dinners, nothing special. I suppose she has already taken me for granted. She only assures me by saying cute words like: I love you, now and forever etc. Meanwhile, I always come up with something extraordinary, prepare dinner, clean the house. Always hugging and kissing(she loves it to the extent of obsession). Does it mean I overly take care of her?

 

4. Money. My GF loves to spend money everywhere. She loves shopping and does not consider saving (although she speaks about it all the time). Ever since, I moved to Thailand her lifestyle went up crucially. She used to live in an old-fashioned and disgusting block of flats that was almost like boarded up. Due to my contribution, she changed from unknown girl into someone recognizable, kind of popular. The problem here is that when I reject her request to buy something brand new (for instance, we need to save money), she gets instantly sad. Then I need to explain for about hour or so why she couldn't buy it. Otherwise, I may be facing her behaving really strange, sometimes even throughout the day. This same happens with food. Even though she puts on weight and is "bigger" than me, she still hopes everything will solve by itself. When I make her infer what is wrong what is good, she gets sad and speechless!

 

Recently, she's told me that she is just lazy. She doesn't like to work, do the housework but adores sleeping and eating out. That's a part of Thai culture and her life as well.

The interesting thing is that, she didn't need to care about anything at home during her adolescence. She had everything done on time as her mother didn't think about the consequences of not teaching my GF a simple value that is a responsibility.

Now these patterns occur in our relationship. My GF thinks she can leave the mess for about one week. ONE WEEK! Whilst I'm openly against such chaos(it's Thailand - we already have problems with bugs) I have a tendency to pick the fights when she doesn't see the need to clean on this particular day or another. It's outrageous. If I don't clean it up, there is a very big possibility that even a rotten dog could have lied there. LoL!

Now it changed because I promised her that for every housework nicely done, she would be awarded. It worked out! Bravo me!

 

The last think that I don't like is her level of English which she very, very slowly tries to develop. The effects are not even satisfactory because she speaks with me as though she was 10 years old (when she is 22 years old).

I put a lot of exertion into teaching her. Prepared materials, videos, recordings but again in vain.

 

I love my GF very much. I feel it deep in my heart. I've never had a GF before and when I think about her I just realize that I never knew what love is. Maybe because we were virgins together.

 

I am very confused. I used to be very confident and happy but now I resemble the nervous wreck. I worry about everything. I feel not attractive, not good enough and start to think that maybe she is just bored with me. I also started to have ED because of it. So pathetic!

Last time we had a lot of quarrels, too many, that I concluded that it can't be like that any longer. I even told her that if she doesn't change, I will leave her. So she replied that I lied to her in terms of love, faithfulness and being forever. Gooooood!!!

 

I'm sure she doesn't have anyone else. It's impossible after what she told me and she did. She cried many times screaming out words from her deep of how much she loves me and how much she wants to have baby with me. Only me. As far as her love I don't have to be concerned. I'm the only one for her and I am fully aware of it. The problems are her habits because she is to be changed but perhaps she lost herself somewhere.

 

I have implemented new things into our relationship and hope it will somehow work out. But still am anxious if it comes to the length of these changes. How long? 3-5 days? And what's next?

 

Right now it's okay. It's even very good but how long?

 

Please tell me what you think about this situation.

Edited July 14, 2017 by georgino

[Dirt]

She told you she is lazy. Listen to her. How is that going to work out if she wants to have a baby with you? She is young and immature. Move on and enjoy the experience and walk away with some valuable lessons.