Urge to Cheat lately why?

[Tyvice]

Im a recently graduated 22 year man and have been in committed relationship for 4 years. I don't know why lately I have been lusting over other women/and the thought of sleeping with another woman sounds good..however the other side is conflicted, questioning my integrity as I have always found cheating to be repulsive act that I would never do. I don't know if its because I'm young, just graduated so I feel more liberated, the sexual "conquests" all my male friends talk about when we're together or just simply my biology such as hormones etc (Since I've noticed in the last 6 months I've grown 2 inches taller, grown muscle where I lacked, and overall my sexual appetite is through the roof.

 

Despite saying all this, I just want to say, I love my girlfriend, I truly do, and I know damn well this is the person I want to spend my life with, and I know I won't ever find someone as special as her. Every time we're together I treat her like a queen and always strive to make her beyond happy. We have little arguments here and there but what couple doesn't? None of the issues are big enough to dismantle a relationship. It just makes me sick of myself to have these thoughts, I really don't understand why this is happening to me, its never happened before not like this. I've always appreciated another woman's body but never the thoughts that go through my head today. Anyone know why this might be happening to me?

Im scared something will make me cross the line and I don't ever want anything like that to happen to me because I know very well I will feel remorse like I've never experienced.

[mikeylo]

Break up. If you've started thinking , most likely you will cheat. You are only 22 and if you cheat now , you will have to live with the label for a very very long time.

[Tyvice]

Is that really my only option? What if thats not what I want to do but rather fix this issue I have in my mind. Maybe it's my immature selfish part of my mind taking over..I wanna hope that this feeling would at least boil over soon. I don't wanna lose her, I want to fix the issue with myself.

[mikeylo]

Then tell her you feel like cheating and then go therapy.

 

This will not end well.

[d0nnivain]

Something in the relationship is not fulfilling to you. At 22 you are at a cross roads in your life. You just graduated. You are ready to move into your adult life & you want to see what's out there.

 

 

Don't cheat. Do think seriously about breaking up. Cheating & dumping her are actually the same thing only the former shows you have no integrity. So for your own sake, take the high road

[caveman621]

Are you satisfied with your sex life with your girlfriend? Or do you want it more than she does?

[Tyvice]

If I had to be honest I want it more than she does usually. If I had to rate our sex life right now it would be a 7-7.5 out of 10. I think what prevents it from being a 10 is not so much the amount of times she does it with me but rather her not (sad to say) not being as naughty as I would like her to be? She is sometimes, but a lot of times she's also very shy even to this day.(Once again not a completely bad thing). Kinda hard to describe.

[smackie9]

You need to approach her on the subject of spicing things up. That is your option...to make your relationship more fulfilling in the bedroom but also outside too. You can try role playing which is fun, lingerie, being more spontaneous, etc. Take up a hobby together that you both can be passionate about to get you out of this rut you are in.

 

If that doesn't help, seek out counseling and or couples counseling if you are THAT serious about fixing this.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I agree with Smackie. If you love her as much as you say you do and know this is the woman you want to with then work on the thing that seems to be lacking in your relationship right now; sex in all it's shades.

 

You can't fix anything until you talk about it with her. At 22 (I'm assuming she's the same age), it might not be a conversation she's expecting or even comfortable discussing but it is necessary if only to safeguard your relationship from outside temptation. She needs to understand this. You both do.

 

Will having this talk fix everything overnight? Hell no. Oh, you'll probably enjoy a brief honeymoon period that will give you false hope but to sustain such changes requires patience, trust, creativity, open mindedness and lots and lots of communication.

 

OP, have you talked with her about your elevated needs?

[mikeylo]

7.5/10 is great if everything else in the relationship is great.

 

You live and learn while some lessons are better not learned the hard way.

[Superchicken]

I'm with Mikeylo on this.

It aint going to end well.

Sorry girls, but these "Guy" feelings are common especially at that age.

 

 

Dude, your at the age of experimentation, and not knowing whom you want "LONG TERM".

 

 

Although most of us, don't act on them, there are some that cross that line. I suggest you remember your girl doing exactly the same cheating thing to you. That should get your libido dropping fast..

 

 

However, I know exactly what you mean by "Vanilla Sex".

I also had that issue, and I had a serious talk to my partner about it, and she made significant changes for the better.

Its helped us both immensely, and 24 years later, I have never been with another women (Man, well, I am Greek.... but not them either )

 

 

I suggest you tell her what you like, and what she likes from you.

Of course you both need to feel OK with the changes, and see how you get on.

Take it slow, and one thing at a time.. Just don't Grose her out too fast..

 

 

Funny though, she still wont get a tat on her tit.. Oh well...

Tit for Tat I suppose .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ted.

Edited July 14, 2017 by Superchicken

[jonathanhayashi]

Tyvice, I hear you. Just so you know, it’s everyone. In fact, it’s every man’s battle. We see in the Bible God warning against sin, but especially in regards of sexual sin as it is captivating and addictive sin.

 

I will say spiritual warfare is real and we need to recognize it is so much more than our biological make up or developmental stage. It is our sinful nature that comes in that makes us want to cross over the barrier. I think it's important to remember that every thing we do here on earth has consequence; whether good or bad. We can look historically as well those who have cheated has always faced the consequence of negativity. The world is bombarded by sexual promiscuity that promotes it, but in reality it doesn’t show the relational brokenness of affairs and cheating (in this case, your girlfriend)

 

I will say self-control is important. Actually, have you maybe consider seeking a therapist or counselor in regards of this? That may be helpful as well as there may be something going on beyond just the attraction and sexual drive that is happening. There can be some things on the day-to-day basis and history that plays in as well.

 

I hope that’s helpful! Praying for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

You've been with her since you were 18. At a guess, you have little experience apart from her. It's natural to wonder what else is out there, and this is why relationships that begin so young usually don't last forever anymore.

 

My thinking is that you are not really ready to commit to just her. I was you at your age, but I'm a woman. My then-boyfriend was a good person but I was far too young to be considering settling down.

[avvril3000]

you're 22.

 

go explore, date, **** around a bit, discover yourself, discover more about yourself that you wouldnt be able to do in a relationship.

 

This is a vital time, and if you dont get it, you will cheat down the track when you're in something important like a marriage.

 

get it out of your system.

 

she may be great, but you guys are SOOOOO YOUNG.... be young. enjoy it because life's real problems happen.

[GunslingerRoland]

You grew 2 inches taller at 22 years old? That is not normal... are you sure?

 

Anyway, you're never not going to have biological urges to have sex with women other than the one you are with. After 4 years with a 22 year old girl isn't going to make it harder than when you've been with a woman 20 years, she's middle aged, and you have kids screaming in your house.

 

You have to decide based on the girl you have if she's worth being monogamous for. Don't try to look for the bigger better deal.

[stillafool]

you're 22.

 

go explore, date, **** around a bit, discover yourself, discover more about yourself that you wouldnt be able to do in a relationship.

 

This is a vital time, and if you dont get it, you will cheat down the track when you're in something important like a marriage.

 

get it out of your system.

 

she may be great, but you guys are SOOOOO YOUNG.... be young. enjoy it because life's real problems happen.

 

THIS! The reason you feel like cheating is because you are a 22 year old man and you want to hunt. It's natural at your age.

[Tyvice]

So am I just suppose to break up with her that easily? I really don't want to do that. The thought of it makes me sad, she's honestly like my best friend just as much as my girlfriend. And If I do break up with her it'll be literally the worst reason ever in my eyes. "Everything's perfect but we're young, and Im lusting other sexual relations, so I think we should break up" Is essentially the reason. Idk its a hard call for me. But honestly hearing everyones opinion is definitely helping somewhat. If I had to be honest, this past week, the cheating urge has been subsiding and going away somewhat.. I've been meditating, clearing my mind, questioning myself if breaking this off for just more freedom and ass really worth a potential lifetime partner? This other day she was bummed out and so stressed about her problems at home that when she vented to me I thought to myself I can't do anything to hurt this amazing girl as I was making her feel better.

[Tyvice]

Maybe I'm a bit off tbh, but for sure an Inch to 1.5. My dad said he had his growth spurt at 24/25 so maybe thats why. She is worth it. I just feel these stupid human impulses. Im sure its because like everyone says "Im young" etc.. I've been working on myself lately and us to remove those thoughts. Its been getting better, but I need more time to make sure I'll be alright.

[smackie9]

You know....it's perfectly normal to lust after other people in secret, or feel fluttery, have fantasies or have crushes throughout your life....it only becomes an issue when it takes away from your relationship and you start to act upon your impulses. As long as you recognize for what it is and take yourself out of that situation, you shouldn't have a problem with it.

[sandylee1]

Are you sure that even if you get married, you won't regret not having other sexual experiences in your life?

 

You can't have had that many others before 18.

[The411]

So am I just suppose to break up with her that easily? I really don't want to do that. The thought of it makes me sad, she's honestly like my best friend just as much as my girlfriend. And If I do break up with her it'll be literally the worst reason ever in my eyes. "Everything's perfect but we're young, and Im lusting other sexual relations, so I think we should break up" Is essentially the reason. Idk its a hard call for me. But honestly hearing everyones opinion is definitely helping somewhat. If I had to be honest, this past week, the cheating urge has been subsiding and going away somewhat.. I've been meditating, clearing my mind, questioning myself if breaking this off for just more freedom and ass really worth a potential lifetime partner? other day she was bummed out and so stressed about her problems at home that when she vented to me I thought to myself I can't do anything to hurt this amazing girl as I was making her feel better.

 

If there is one piece of advice I can give a guy is to not settle down before your late 20s and even I'd recommend waiting until you reach 30. Unless you've dated 100 your knowledge of women is nowhere near adequate enough to know narrow down what you want and don't want in a girl. Not to mention that you need to develop your career before investing heavily into a relationship. You are only hurting her by not being honest with yourself because you will resent her later.

[Superchicken]

If there is one piece of advice I can give a guy is to not settle down before your late 20s and even I'd recommend waiting until you reach 30. Unless you've dated 100 your knowledge of women is nowhere near adequate enough to know narrow down what you want and don't want in a girl. Not to mention that you need to develop your career before investing heavily into a relationship. You are only hurting her by not being honest with yourself because you will resent her later.

 

Oh dude, don't kid anyone.

What the heck do we know about women ?.

 

 

Physicists, keep busy, because they also don't want to look stupid trying to figure out a women..

 

 

Just learn to nod yes, and agree with everything.

 

 

Seems to work best...

 

 

 

 

Ted. (Nodding yes).

[smackie9]

The OP hasn't posted in over a week......OP has left the building......