Pjk1812 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I cheated on my girlfriend back in February, it was at a friend's house party. It was my first time out after undergoing back surgery, so no excuses but I wasn't myself with all the tablets I was taking. Stupid I know. The next day I felt disgusting and I wanted to go and tell my girlfriend but when I met her she was already upset and was crying to me so I could not bring myself to do it. A few weeks passed and her sister and friends found out and told her. She left me and we didn't talk for a short while. Since then we have been talking continuosly and have met up as often as we can. The only problem being that she is afraid of what her friends and family think. I am so in love with this girl that I cannot let her go, she is always on my mind. And I know she loves me too. What can I do to make this work? It's been going on for over 4 months now and we're not getting anywhere. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 (edited) All you can do is continue to be transparent and open with her. Ask her what she needs from you to mend what you ruined. You violated the most basic level of trust and that is very hard to come back from. You are being given an opportunity that many cheaters never get, so please proceed with caution and care. She is going to have ups and downs, and she will have triggers. Sometimes she will seem fine, and others she will be reminded of how you hurt her and will be angry and sad. But unfortunately, in my experience, once a relationship has been broken by infidelity (and the couple is not married or have children together) they don't usually last. A lot of betrayed partners just never quite feel the same about their significant others afterwards, and never really are able to feel at ease with them again. Even if she is giving you another chance, you might have to live with the fact that her friends and family don't like you and don't approve of her talking to you or dating you again. You can't really blame them for that, either, I'm sure you realize. It's a consequence you'll have to deal with. Edited July 14, 2017 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pjk1812 Posted July 14, 2017 Author Share Posted July 14, 2017 Yes I know that and I have I have been Absolutey honest and open about everything. I am aware and it has been a struggle to get as far as I am now and I am so grateful I have been given that chance. I thought that too but hopefully if we get back together we can stay together, we seem to be good at the moment. Yes you're right I don't think her family or friends will very accpet me she is just afraid that that will affect her? Do you think that family and friends for 6/7 years plus would turn their backs like that? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 She may very well love you but she doesn't trust you. Many people think once a cheater, always a cheater. If this has a prayer of working, keep the lines of communication open, show her by your actions that you are remorseful & won't do it again, and ask her what steps can you take to reassure her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Listen mate, unless the pill you took were roofies, you knew what you were doing. Maybe fool yourself, but not us here, or at the least, me. OK, so you cheated. You got caught, and now are suffering the consequences. Did you think it would be smooth sailing after you cheated ?. Its all up to her now. Dont push her, don't ask for a timeline, and especially DONT argue with her. Answer everything she wants, and be there when she needs to talk to you, either by phone or in person. She may get over it, and then again, may not. Its not your decision anymore. You forfeited that right when you chose someone else over the one "You Love". Its now a waiting game for you. If she does take you back, make sure you never forget the hell your going through now. Ted. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Yes I know that and I have I have been Absolutey honest and open about everything. I am aware and it has been a struggle to get as far as I am now and I am so grateful I have been given that chance. I thought that too but hopefully if we get back together we can stay together, we seem to be good at the moment. Yes you're right I don't think her family or friends will very accpet me she is just afraid that that will affect her? Do you think that family and friends for 6/7 years plus would turn their backs like that? It will affect her, no doubt. She will feel awful that they don't accept you or support the relationship. I don't imagine they will turn their backs on her, but they likely won't want you around. Speaking from experience, it could mean that you don't hang out with her friends or family as a couple anymore. It might mean that you are not invited to a family function or event with her friends, so she attends solo. That is a choice she will have to make, should she decide to continue seeing you. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I cheated on my girlfriend back in February, it was at a friend's house party. It was my first time out after undergoing back surgery, so no excuses but I wasn't myself with all the tablets I was taking. Stupid I know. The next day I felt disgusting and I wanted to go and tell my girlfriend but when I met her she was already upset and was crying to me so I could not bring myself to do it. A few weeks passed and her sister and friends found out and told her. She left me and we didn't talk for a short while. Since then we have been talking continuosly and have met up as often as we can. The only problem being that she is afraid of what her friends and family think. I am so in love with this girl that I cannot let her go, she is always on my mind. And I know she loves me too. What can I do to make this work? It's been going on for over 4 months now and we're not getting anywhere. What should I do? That's an excuse, buddy... Anyway, the only thing you can do as mentioned by others is be completely transparent with her. You nuked her trust in you and it's not going to return overnight. In fact, this is just the beginning. She found out through friends and not from you. That's friggin' brutal. She's gonna hurt for many, many, months and possibly years. That's a cut that takes a long time heal and even then, the scar is a reminder. Just continue being completely honest with her and take full responsibility. Maybe you'll be lucky enough that she decides to stick it out with you. Sometimes it's easier to just start over for the person that was hurt so badly... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Be open, honest, and caring. And, understand that that is all you can do. She has to decide whether or not she can trust you again. So, don't try to control the situation; if she needs space, give her space. Let her heal and decide what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I would say it depends on how much she values what her friends and family think, as to whether this works. I'll be honest, if my partner cheated and I wasn't leaving him, I wouldn't tell my family, because they would not be keen on him anymore. It would be easier for me to let him go... And I'm married with children..... Especially if my sister was the one who broke the news to me. Shame wouldn't let me stay with him. You guys have no ties like children ... If she cheated on you and your sibling told you, how would you feel? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I cheated on my girlfriend back in February, it was at a friend's house party. It was my first time out after undergoing back surgery, so no excuses but I wasn't myself with all the tablets I was taking. Stupid I know. The next day I felt disgusting and I wanted to go and tell my girlfriend but when I met her she was already upset and was crying to me so I could not bring myself to do it. A few weeks passed and her sister and friends found out and told her. She left me and we didn't talk for a short while. Since then we have been talking continuosly and have met up as often as we can. The only problem being that she is afraid of what her friends and family think. I am so in love with this girl that I cannot let her go, she is always on my mind. And I know she loves me too. What can I do to make this work? It's been going on for over 4 months now and we're not getting anywhere. What should I do? Leave her alone. You'll eventually cheat on her again if you don't so the most loving thing you can do is by releasing her to be with someone who won't cheat on her. That ain't you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 Families and friends are very important, especially to women, and if she has to choose between friends and family and you, you will most likely lose. The fact her sister had to tell her does not bode well for you either. The picture painted will be that - they are the people looking out for her best interests and you are the dirty rotten cheater... It is not a good place for you to be. So why was she upset and crying on you, BEFORE she knew you cheated on her? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dragon_fly_7 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) I don't know what to tell you honestly. My bf in the past was greatly disliked by my parents for much less than what you're posting. It didn't involve cheating nor abuse and my father long, long ago was wishing him dead. Also, long ago he had a terrible argument with my mother. It's been now 10 years later and things got solved by now. He is accepted and to a point liked. If I were dealing with cheating, I'm telling you...no amount of convincing on my part would be enough for my parents and other relatives and friends trash and come after him. I think you need to let her go. That's not really the type of love she deserves. If things were bad enough for me with my bf and parents, then I can't imagine how bad it would have been if he had cheated. One thing I can say is he would have had a very, very bad day. Edited July 17, 2017 by dragon_fly_7 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) Yup! Family and friends are very important to women. And, it really does not bode well for you that you were not honest with her and she found out from her sister. I don't know if this is going to work out for you. But, if you are fortunate enough that she will take you back... You need to be a little more responsible for your decisions. If you are high on pain meds, maybe you shouldn't be out at a party... And, were you drinking when you were on those pain meds? Because that is a lethal combination. Anyway, I will never understand how someone can say "I went a party and cheated on my girlfriend" like it's as normal as "I went to the mall and decided to watch a movie." The lack of responsibility for personal decisions and the lack of accountability to the people you love still surprises me sometimes... Edited July 17, 2017 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 if you really love her let her go. once the trust is gone its hard to get it back 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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