my SO just forced my hand into using my company card to buy a flight I shouldn't have

[mymyladen]

I'm in a real pickle and need some support. I'm concerned about what I just did.

 

I have a work trip that my live in partner/engaged wanted to accompany me to. He hates all but his airline and has miles available on his favorite. I told him I could TRY to fly the airline he requested, but I was worried it would be too expensive.

I checked it last week and it was high. Our normal company limit is 700 dollars and past that you must get it approved. I asked my boss and he asked me to try to fly another airline and said he was even flying coach on the other airline and it wasn't that high.

 

 

I said ok, but I knew this would cause problems with my new husband. He was not going to be happy. I told him and indeed he was angry. He told me initially that I should pay the extra and fly on his the same airline as him. He said it was my fault because I waited too long. (I did because I was waiting to see if he could go) Honestly, it didn't change that much. It's summer -- his airline is just higher.

So he told me to pay the extra myself. I said I didn't think that was a good idea. He said you are NOT using my credit card - for your company stuff. Fly your own airline and I'm not going. he said he thought that was what I was trying to force anyway. Then, he suggested I already had a ticket on another airline. Not true.

 

 

So, tonight it came down to it. I said I would book it on HIS airline and pay the extra on my own card. But that wasn't an option. He said just book it on your company card and if they ask for the overage-- pay it. He said you tell your boss to go F himself if he has a problem with it. Tell him to 'come talk to me'

He stood over my shoulder and said he wanted to witness the purchase becasuse he felt I was going to play games and not go through with it. I did it. The flight was 1200. I know my boss is going to hear about it and i'm scared.

I said "you have my back if there's a problem? He said no -- you have free will to do wahtever you want. If you want to drive to the other airport and fly out of that shi* airline for your boss - that's up to you. ALL You. This was after I purchased it.

 

 

I started to cry. He said that he is sick of my games and manipulation and that he is still waiting for the other shoe to drop and nothing is ever done properly with my flights for work (not true the problem is a couple times i Have been ordered to change dates by my employer and he was very angry and said it was my fault) He said 'why is there always so much tension in this house -- you are always a problem, you know?' It's non-stop problems for you.

 

I'm scared that i'm going to get in trouble with my boss after booking a flight i was encouraged not to book - just for my live in long term partner and he is very angry at me.

 

Did I do something wrong here. How do i stop being a problem for him? I mean, he said he was going to the gym and his son was coming over to eat. He said do you want to go the store or me? I said, whatever is best -- you tell me.

 

He blew up and said OMG YOU ARE NON STOP AREN'T YOU, WHY do you always cause such drama? I'm in tears here. is it me? How do I stop being this person?

Edited July 14, 2017 by mymyladen

[ExpatInItaly]

Has this man always been so controlling and emotionally abusive?

 

You stop being a problem for him by leaving. Seriously. He is not a good person.

[RecentChange]

Did I do something wrong here. How do i stop being a problem for him?

 

WHOA.. .whoa whoa whoa.....

 

How long have you been with this CONTROLLING, abusive JERK?

 

You are blaming yourself, when you should be standing up for yourself. You should be ANGRY that he tried to control you. You should be angry that he thinks his flight is more important than your career.

 

He said your boss could talk to him if he has a problem? This man isn't your daddy, and your boss isn't a school teacher.

 

YOU ARE A GOWN WOMAN and should be able to make your own decisions, make choices that benefit YOU (like keeping your job!!) and not walking on egg shells to appease this controlling jerk.

 

I don't know what your history is, but you do not appear to be able to see what is in front of your face when it comes to this relationship.

 

Let me tell you, this NOT NORMAL.

 

Ya know what? I just booked separate flights for myself to join my husband on a business trip. We aren't going to be perfectly matched up - but I know his JOB is more important than my schedule.

 

I hope you see the light, and that this man is controlling.

[mymyladen]

It has gotten progressively worse. He is very insecure and he feels that I do nothing right. Even said he had to look over my shoulder as I booked seats on the flight because he could not trust me to do it right.

 

Part of me wanted to scream and tell him to back the F off -- but I feel like I am the problem here. But this is my job? I mean I could get suspended or fired for this -- he said well you know i'm not in a financial position to carry us, but I can't wait to tackle that 'midget'. (My boss if 5'5 -- so he makes fun of him)

[RecentChange]

WHY.

 

Why are you with someone who controls and does not respect you?

[mymyladen]

I know. I think I defend myself non-stop. As you might imagine, this isn't the first time. This happens a lot. Somehow he just goes through life and gets his way.

 

I get secretly so angry. He just went to work out and I'm so resentful. So annoyed. He said you ok if my kids come to grill since you are so difficult tonight? Then had me go get all the food for it while he works out.

 

His one child is horrible to me. He has virtually no relationship with her and little with his older son. I was the one who encouraged him to invite them to dinner and he said that I just like to cause problems for his schedule -- becuase he wanted to work out and not deal with dinner with kids right now.

[basil67]

I'm so sorry you're in this mess.

 

Your partner is controlling (and I wouldn't be surprised to discover that he's emotionally abusive). I think that even you know that you shouldn't be in this relationship, so I'm wondering what happens in your mind when you think of leaving him? What are the ties that bind?

 

As far as the short term work situation goes, you'd be best to be on the front foot with your boss. Tell them that you're in an abusive domestic situation and the ticket booking got out of hand. Tell them that you'll pay back the money. And if you work for a big company, see if they have employee counselling.

 

Please stay with us. We can support you.

[SammySammy]

WHY.

 

Why are you with someone who controls and does not respect you?

 

 

That's my question.

 

Why do you accept being treated like this?

[mymyladen]

Thank you. You are kind. I am feeling very scared.

 

As for my relationship, I was considering telling him toorrow that they called me and told me I'm suspended or fired for doing this and see what he says --

 

Personally, I'm going to write an email now to the accounting department and just tell them I'm paying the difference asap on Monday -- so no one looks at me crazy.

 

I just feel horrified that I was told not to do soemthing and did it anyway and he could CARE LESS. And he can not support me!

 

I KNOW he's going to blame me. If i tell him i'm fired he is ging to say -- well i told you you had free will. I didn't steal the card and do it alone..

 

And he's right -- I was totally controlled by him and did as he asked instead of what my gut told me. I'm disappointed in myself

 

I'm so sorry you're in this mess.

 

Your partner is controlling (and I wouldn't be surprised to discover that he's emotionally abusive). I think that even you know that you shouldn't be in this relationship, so I'm wondering what happens in your mind when you think of leaving him? What are the ties that bind?

 

As far as the short term work situation goes, you'd be best to be on the front foot with your boss. Tell them that you're in an abusive domestic situation and the ticket booking got out of hand. Tell them that you'll pay back the money. And if you work for a big company, see if they have employee counselling.

 

Please stay with us. We can support you.