any confessions of bad behaviour?

[darkmoon]

have you ever been

 

a narcissist? a liar? a cheat? violent? verbally abusive? whatever else?

 

and how did you train yourself to behave better?

 

or do you not really want to change?

[Bastile]

have you ever been

 

a narcissist?

 

Yes.

 

a liar?

 

Yes.

 

a cheat?

 

No.

 

violent?

 

No.

 

verbally abusive?

 

Yes.

 

and how did you train yourself to behave better?

 

or do you not really want to change?

 

I am trying to change a lot of things. But, I'm also changing something that has worked well.

 

See my dilemma?

 

Going to be an interesting next few years.

[JuneJulySeptember]

have you ever been

 

a narcissist? a liar? a cheat? violent? verbally abusive? whatever else?

 

and how did you train yourself to behave better?

 

or do you not really want to change?

 

In respect to relationships, not really.

 

I used to lie about silly stuff when I was younger, but not really in relationships.

 

Never cheated, hit a woman, or really been anything but nice to women.

 

But most women would probably consider me pretty boring and socially complacent. Not passionate or attractive.

 

Everything has a flip side...

[SammySammy]

Most of those things are true for me. So are the expected, corresponding consequences.

 

After a spectacular failure in a relationship, I decided to stop struggling with myself. Surrender to self reflection. Observation. Study.

 

I've been on a ten year search for peace. Truth. Understanding. Growth.

 

I've made significant strides toward those ends.

[Chilli]

Ahh , l've probably done all that at some point or another, who says they haven't though is probably lying.

A relationship or marriage is hard sometimes , we all do things, them and you, and make plenty of mistakes.

 

But yeah , l've got plenty of bad habits, l'm working on em, probably will be forever,

keeps things interesting

[MJJean]

have you ever been

 

a narcissist?

 

Probably.

 

a liar?

 

Occasionally, but not often.

 

a cheat?

 

Yes, I had affairs in my first marriage.

 

violent?

 

Yes.

 

verbally abusive?

 

Yes.

 

whatever else?

 

and how did you train yourself to behave better?

 

or do you not really want to change?

 

I really didn't. Maturity handled the violence and verbally caustic phrasing for the most part. Getting too old to give a hoot took care of any temptation to lie. My divorce and subsequent marriage to someone I actually like took care of the cheating.

[umirano]

a narcissist?

I do not think so, nor have I ever heard anyone criticize me in that way

a liar?

Yes

a cheat?

I had an emotional affair that I tried to hide. So, yes.

violent?

No

verbally abusive?

Yes, in retaliation

whatever else?

I cannot think of anything.

 

and how did you train yourself to behave better?

I believe I lie much less than a few years ago as a result of not caring as much what other people think. I mainly lied to appear as what I believed others expected me to be. It was very exhausting and felt terrible. I am more relaxed now and I have more energy. At the same time I became more convinced and secure in what I do and who I am. I don't actually have to conform to other people's ideas and values.

 

I've never had any sort of affair ever since and I'm glad for that. I don't expect to have one in the future either.

 

I don't know how to train to be not verbally abusive. It is sort of a broad term and I suspect that sometimes 'verbal abusiveness' is used as a killer phrase to shut down someones rightful anger and criticism. At the same time I also don't think that all heated verbal exchange warrants capital punishment. I forgive someone when they spoke in anger. We all have emotions and they can run high and we need time and space to calm down and then we can find a solution to the conflict. I do not believe that spineless (self-)censorship helps solving all the problems. At the same time needlessly caustic, abrasive language also hinders or halts conversation, so a healthy middle ground should be reached.

I would like to be even calmer in general and less sensitive to provocations and deliberate hurt that partners sometimes dish out. I would like to be less vulnerable emotionally but I do not want to waive the right to retaliate, I probably could not even if I wanted to, as these reactions are instinctive and emotional.

 

Now writing about it I had the thought that maybe one's willingness to retaliate (i.e. make someone pay) directly relates to one's sensitivity. Maybe that means the less we want to take revenge the less we will be affected by someone's provocation/aggression.

 

or do you not really want to change?

Yeah, I want some change, but likely not all the change other people want in me.

[Chilli]

One of my biggest things is l have trouble ignoring it when she says something , just stupid bs to me. which most seem to do when they get pissed. You know , it'll be so totally off the mark and so not true , that it can drive you nuts,

Or when she just seems to insist on these silly way off base ideas of what she thinks is understandings of you.

 

You know , some people just have a way of just walking away from bs, although l dunno if that same person could walk away from it in their own relationship , especially after 10 or 20yrs of it in a marriage or something.

 

So if she comes out with some total bs too me then eff it , ok , explain wth your on about because l just don't have much tolerance for bs.

But ever notice people like that don't like having their bs feathers ruffled and it somehow ends up all your fault in the end anyway.