She says I have no empathy because I didn't comfort her properly over daughter?

[beforeyoucharlie]

Tonight, I believe my gf is being impossible. Am I wrong here? Her daughter is with her father this summer and I can tell it's killing her and she won't stop acting depressed at times. We live together.

We were cleaning the house tonight and I handed her the mother's day card to put away. She looked depressed but didn't say much. I kept asking her over and over what was wrong and she kept meekly saying nothing.

I told her I was just going to stop caring and stop asking because it's clear she has a problem communicating. She said immediately that she missed her daughter but then said she couldn't say anything to me because I would just tell her to go back to being a happy family again with her ex again. I have told her that before but she didn't need to attack me.

I told her that was unfair to accuse me of this bull**** and that if she can't get over it, then she's got a real problem. She got angry and said okay, I'm telling you honestly, I'm sad that she's gone and it's hard. Can I have some empathy please?

 

I responded that I'm sorry she's feeling that way and that I know it must be hard but the only way to fix this is too stay married. She blew up and said SEEEEEEE I knew you would say this!

 

It didn't end well and she started crying and said I had zero empathy even when she asked for it. And I told her that I truly believe she could give a fuc* about me and that she seems to not care whenever things go wrong for me.

She pointed out that SHE suggested we meet with my kids the last 2 days and that SHE suggested I text them. So, I said that I was sick and tired of this and that she needs to realize she is a miserable person who just walks around in her own drama always.

 

In summary, this argument didn't end well and my gf said i lacked empathy over the fact that she was missing her daughter. How do I better communicate to her that she's ruining this relationship?

[mrs rubble]

I actually think you're ruining the relationship by repeatedly telling her she should still be married to her ex.

I'm not surprised she has difficulty communicating with you. I think you are lacking in empathy.

[whichwayisup]

Does she get full custody of her daughter and right now is her time with her dad? If this is the case she can be sad and miss her but she needs to try to work through the tears so she won't get depressed. I'm sure she can still call her daughter or skype with her.

 

Just listen to her and hold her. No words, no judgements. I think that's all she needs... Some flowers too and some hugs/massages. Telling her off and acting irritated with her is not helping and will just piss her off.