logitech_mk320 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I've known my ex for five years but we started dating about six months ago. She is 24, I'm 25. Last Sunday, she sent me this message... "I think I am at a moment in my life where in need to make some changes and take a step back and invest time on myself. I can't be with you right now and I really do hope you understand. I don't think it's fair for you to be waiting for me but I hope you don't fight me on this and just let it be. Maybe in the future we can talk about us and maybe see if getting back together is a possibility but right now I really need to figure out what I want and take that time for me. If in the meantime you decide you want different things that's okay, it's up to you. I just want to thank you for being there for me but right now I need mostly to be there for myself. If you want to talk I still ask that you give me space and time and if you don't that's fine too." Should I contact her or wait for her to, if she does at all? I haven't spoken to her at all since. I told her I respected her need for space to figure things out, that I love here and that I am here for her. I'm not sure if there are some mind games being played here and she is expecting me to reach out to her. Please advice. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 If you actually respect her space as you claim, leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Spartakooty Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Depends if you're ok just being friends. However, she asked for space so give it to her. NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech_mk320 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 I definitely don't see her as just a friend. I still want for us to be together. I'm a bit bothered because a few days before she sent me that message, she told me she loves me and misses me, yet she said what she did. I don't understand it. Link to post Share on other sites
MarvelFan1 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I definitely don't see her as just a friend. I still want for us to be together. I'm a bit bothered because a few days before she sent me that message, she told me she loves me and misses me, yet she said what she did. I don't understand it. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants or where her head is at. The fact she has messaged you to say as much, and not lead you down the garden path, is a good thing. You now know you are not wasting time in a dead end relationship. You should be happy she respected you enough to be honest, and you have said your piece to her, so now respect her back, and just leave her be, until she messages you. Don't force anything, what will be, will be. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I definitely don't see her as just a friend. I still want for us to be together. I'm a bit bothered because a few days before she sent me that message, she told me she loves me and misses me, yet she said what she did. I don't understand it. People can love and miss you and still want to break up with you. She will not see a future ahead with you in it. She now wants to go explore life on her own and take whatever comes her way. Do not put great emphasis on "Maybe in the future we can talk about us and maybe see if getting back together is a possibility" as that is standard break up stuff and usually means nothing at all. Sorry! Grieve, heal and move on is my advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech_mk320 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 Thanks. We had a LDR and I sent her a package yesterday with some items that I had bought for her before the breakup. I know she really wanted them and I just wanted to get them out of the house. I'm guessing she will contact me when she gets the package but I won't think too much of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Thanks. We had a LDR and I sent her a package yesterday with some items that I had bought for her before the breakup. I know she really wanted them and I just wanted to get them out of the house. I'm guessing she will contact me when she gets the package but I won't think too much of it. Not true. You are hoping to illicit a response from her, and you're going to be disappointed if it doesn't lead to something more. Mind you, it's normal to feel that way, as it is to be in denial of feeling that way. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 It frustrates me to see women use the "maybe" BS when dumping a guy. Nothing is more painful than clinging my to false hope. The minute you know it is done and over for good is the minute you can start healing. My ex who I dated for 7 years pulled that BS and it kept me clinging on for over 6 months. Realize it is all BS and means nothing. It's a selfish coward's way of handling an uncomfortable situation. The RL is over and you are best served by deleting / blocking her and by her never reaching out to you ever again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I've known my ex for five years but we started dating about six months ago. She is 24, I'm 25. Last Sunday, she sent me this message... "I think I am at a moment in my life where in need to make some changes and take a step back and invest time on myself. I can't be with you right now and I really do hope you understand. I don't think it's fair for you to be waiting for me but I hope you don't fight me on this and just let it be. Maybe in the future we can talk about us and maybe see if getting back together is a possibility but right now I really need to figure out what I want and take that time for me. If in the meantime you decide you want different things that's okay, it's up to you. I just want to thank you for being there for me but right now I need mostly to be there for myself. If you want to talk I still ask that you give me space and time and if you don't that's fine too." Should I contact her or wait for her to, if she does at all? I haven't spoken to her at all since. I told her I respected her need for space to figure things out, that I love here and that I am here for her. I'm not sure if there are some mind games being played here and she is expecting me to reach out to her. Please advice. Thanks. When someone tells me or shows me that they want space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when/if they figure out what their problem is. And, if they take too long, they may find that they do not have a place to land their aircraft. If you want to talk I still ask that you give me space and time and if you don't that's fine too." -- What the hell does that mean????? The fact that she texted this to you after dating for 6 months and knowing each other for 5 years, is completely and utterly disrespectful. She did it this way because she has made her decision and really doesn't want to talk about it at all. I'm not sure if there are some mind games being played here and she is expecting me to reach out to her. -- If this is her "game", she's wanting you to run after her and profess your undying love. Basically, she'd be manipulating you into something -- like marriage, living together, etc. Manipulativeness is a wonderful quality in a woman . . . (sarcasm). I wouldn't reach out to her and I would not accept contact from her either mostly because of the way she did what she did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech_mk320 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 Thanks for everyone's responses so far. It does upset me that she has pretty much written me out of her life and does not give a crap. We maintained a good friendship throughout college where we met and come to find out when we started dating, we both had a bit of a crush on each other the entire time. College wasn't the right time or place for us so I'm glad that this did happen later on in life. But even friend to friend, I think what she said is pretty messed up like she doesn't care about me at all and could care less if I have any presence in her life. I keep checking her social media like a dumbass and see her having a grand ol' time with her friends and maybe even a new guy. Well, that ends today. I'm not going to block her as I think that is a little childish but I'm going to work extra hard to restrain myself and have the willpower to not look at any of her stuff. @Redhead14, I love the NASA analogy. Link to post Share on other sites
hcedrick Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I'm in a similar situation and the truth is... She does NOT want you around right now. Go full NC and focus on yourself. It sucks I know. I have a hard time not looking my ex gf of 5 years social media. But she is happy with a rebound right now. I can't do anything about it. What I should do, and what you should do is: -Set yourself goals in life and reach them -Become a better person -Don't hang on her because it will push her further. The day she will know that you became a completely new man. All fresh and confident and that you don't give a damn about her... She will come back begging you to talk to her. Women are crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I'm not going to block her as I think that is a little childish but I'm going to work extra hard to restrain myself and have the willpower to not look at any of her stuff. Save yourself the extra work and just block her. It is not about childishness, it is about self preservation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech_mk320 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 Thanks hcedrick, appreciate it. You are definitely right. The first few days I was in the pissed off and denial stage. The past few days have been hard, broke down Friday and Saturday...not fun. The unfortunate part is that this was the best relationship IMO out of the several that I've had. It formed organically, I met her through a friend. We took the time to get to know each other, see each other at the highest and lowest of times but I guess I'm just **** to her right now. I'm planning a solo trip for next weekend so hopefully that will help to get my mind off of her. I thought breakups would be a little less impactful later in life but I was wrong. The relationship that I was in before her lasted almost 4 years. Even though this one was only 6 months, it hurts 10x as much. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I think what is going on here is she cares about you but has lost the romantic feelings for you and she probably wishes she hadn't because you're a nice guy, but once it's gone, it's usually gone for good unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech_mk320 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Share Posted July 16, 2017 I see what you mean, and it does suck accepting that. Even if by some chance, she was interested in getting back together, there's a consideration to be made where it will just never be the same. Even if she text me tomorrow saying she wants to be with me, I don't know that I'd be able to say yes. She's put me through so much pain, and I do still love her but I don't know if I can be with her right now. I feel like crap because there is a void in my heart but I really don't know. I guess time heals all and maybe down the road things will have cooled off. Link to post Share on other sites
MarvelFan1 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Dude, I sometimes wonder what if my ex was to text me tomorrow, after just over two months since we split and say, "Let's give it a try", I would probably say "Yes", because even though she is no good for me and has some issues, a part of me longs to be with her... Other times my brain is fine and is like, "You don't need her, enjoy life and grow". This shows that I don't know what I really want, and as other posters have said on here, just give it time and space to see how you really feel. The way I look at it, if I really wanted her back, even if I knew it was futile, I would message her right this second, but I haven't, and she hasn't bothered either, so, that's that. Link to post Share on other sites
Maldives Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 The day she will know that you became a completely new man. All fresh and confident and that you don't give a damn about her... She will come back begging you to talk to her. Women are crazy. Yup the above is sooo true Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 The day she will know that you became a completely new man. All fresh and confident and that you don't give a damn about her... She will come back begging you to talk to her. DO NOT RELY on that being the true. It is just a myth designed to make the dumper feel better. Your ex will come back and they will be oh so sorry they dumped you... Er...no. Not usually. Many women though quite happy to "talk" to exes, (especially if it was an amicable split) very rarely want them back. A split carried out in the cold light of day, as opposed to one carried out in the heat of he moment during a fight, is usually well thought out and there is no going back from that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech_mk320 Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 I don't know if this decision was made with a clear mind. The Friday before we broke up, I knew my ex had a really stressful day at work and I was talking to her and she was being very short but she was talking normal at the beginning of the day. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to talk to anyone and needed some time to herself. Fair enough, I agreed to leave her alone in that moment. Then I called her at like 7 PM the following day with the intentions of just seeing how she's doing. She didn't answer but messages me saying "I told you I needed a few days to myself but you clearly don't understand. I can't be with you anymore. You are a kid." I've known her to blow up like that out of nowhere. She always gets what she wants and rarely admits to being wrong even when she is. She has some narcissistic traits as well. @elaine567, I'm not arguing and saying she didn't make a conscience decision. I'm just thinking based off of previous experience, I really don't know. I still haven't talked to her since the split. @MarvelFan1, I do want her back, it's not a matter of not knowing what I want. There's just some damage that has been done and I'm hurting. I just don't know if I'd welcome her with arms wide open right this second. The reason why I haven't messaged her is because I told her I respect her need for space. I'd look like an idiot to turn around and text her now only for her to blow up and say something like what part of I need space do you not understand. Thanks again everyone for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author logitech_mk320 Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 I've heard people say that usually when women break up with men, the breakup is thought out and that the woman has been slowly detaching herself from her man. To be honest, I just don't believe that is the case here. I really don't feel this was a long thought out decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 You're grasping at straws, which is normal at this stage of the breakup. Her message to you sounded balanced and thought-out. Six months is a pretty standard guide post to determine whether or not a relationship is working out for you. She has decided that it isn't. There's not anything you can do to change her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I've heard people say that usually when women break up with men, the breakup is thought out and that the woman has been slowly detaching herself from her man. To be honest, I just don't believe that is the case here. I really don't feel this was a long thought out decision. Well, you're in denial if you don't believe that was the case. If anything, the added part about her wanting space from you in the days leading up to the breakup only confirms that she has been detaching from you. She wanted space on those days because she wanted to mull over the merits of continuing the relationship with you. She concluded that she did not want to do that. I really do understand how hard this is for you, but please don't think you have a better grasp on how she feels than she does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I really don't feel this was a long thought out decision. -- There's no real way for you to know that this is the case. Nevertheless, if she made a heat of the moment decision, that's not a healthy decision-making practice either. Women often do things in the heat of the moment as a result of on-going/pent up frustration. Either her communication skills are very weak (which isn't good for a long-term relationship) and/or you haven't really been showing her what she's needing from you (which isn't good for a long-term relationship). Or, she's just decided to move on because there's someone else. Or, she was having a really bad day and you got the brunt of it. Or, she's going to jail. Or, or or . . . You can pick and choose assumptions all you want, but why bother? I really don't feel this was a long thought out decision. -- This is you trying to be in HER head. If she can't communicate effectively with you, there was something wrong with her and/or the relationship anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 She seems to have taken time to write you a well thought out message so I am not sure why you think this was not a well thought out decision. This was not, "See you around - not if I see you first" or "I hate your guts, stay away" fired off in the heat of the moment, was it? I guess if you believe it was a hasty decision then it can be overturned just as quickly, so it is hope talking on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
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