Seeing the truth now

[curiouskit]

I have been friends with someone for over 10 years. We are like sisters. She lives out of state but we have managed to talk and remain friends during this time. We have gone a few years with out talking, then have come back and be like sisters again.

 

The problem is that underneath, I have held a somewhat slight grudge because i am ALWAYS available, and with her, its always been when she felt like letting people in. HOnestly, I am always waiting, and sometimes even crying and getting angry when its been like a month and have not heard from her but just the previous month, she was calling and we were talking like besties. She ALWAYS does this. I have realized that i have relied too much on her for my self worth. To be honest, I suffered alot of pain and depression when I was younger to recently, and she was THE ONLY PERSON, that could get me out of it, so I really love and like her alot, like a sister.

 

I am sitting here in tears because I have not seen her in two years and she flew in from out of state and had a great time hanging out with her and her family and having parties with lots of hugs, food and dancing. She now has a new boyfriend of a few months that I realize will take her away from me anyways. She hasn't called me hardly at all since she started dating him.

 

I just feel like an idiot. I should just be grateful for knowing her, and the love she gives me. And find other friends. Its just she is my ONLY close friend that really has stuck by my side through all my own drama. So I sit around and just wait until she finally calls me or whatever and I feel stupid kind of. When we were just talking about our life plans dreams like old times then now she doesn't eve call or text, I fall into a deep depression.

 

Is it wrong to be mad, hurt, frusterated? When she broke up with her boyfriend, she was calling me all the time talking and we would even work out toggether over the phone, that lasted a month or so, then now...nothing. Am I being a stalkerish clingy friend or is this normal for e to feel this way?

 

I have to chime in also that I am the type of friend to really be emotionally invested in you. I want and need deeper friendships. I am the type you can call anytime if I am available to listen to you or do what I can. I am the type of friend that feels that without depth and an emotional investment in eachother, then whats the point.

 

thanks for any help

Edited July 17, 2017 by curiouskit

[basil67]

I put a post on FB recently saying "A sing out to the friendships that are strong enough to withstand busy spells, mood swings and weird distant phases. True friendship is rare man."

 

Your friend apparently values a friendship which doesn't need to be constant. A friendship where you know it will be all good if one of you gets too busy for a while. I have a friendship like this with my two besties from school. We're all turning 50 now and in the last 38 years we have had very close times and big gaps. But we know that we each still care about the other.

 

Yes, I understand that you don't see the point in a friendship like I describe. But the fact that sometimes I don't see or speak to them for long periods doesn't mean that we're not good friends who care very much for each other. Those two mean the world to me.

 

Of course it's your prerogative to want a different type of friendship and to leave her behind. I'm simply explaining this so that you hopefully understand that she does care - she just doesn't show it in the way you want.

Edited July 17, 2017 by basil67

[preraph]

You are just way more invested than she is. She is social and making new friends and probably will totally drift away from you at some point. You need to go deal with whatever problem is holding you back socially because it's not good to only have one friend who has friends closer to her than you are.