Smell

[Michelle ma Belle]

Why not drag him into the shower with you before bed? That way he equates shower and bubbles and getting clean with you and sweet and slippery lovin

[BettyDraper]

Nobody is Perfect

 

you have to accept him with all his good habits and bad habits.

Relationships Doesnt WOrk this way OK.

 

 

GOOD MAN Means

that He Has 70% GOOD things and 30% Bad Things.

 

Talk to him about his smell.

 

Why should anyone accept their partner practicing poor hygiene?

That's an minimal expectation rather than an unrealistic one.

[SammySammy]

Why should anyone accept their partner practicing poor hygiene?

That's an minimal expectation rather than an unrealistic one.

 

Agreed. That's a bare minimum standard. It's just being considerate of others.

 

I come from a construction family. My father would pull guys to the side and tell them they needed to be presentable because we all had to work together. You need to be clean AT WORK much less at home. I'm surprised someone hasn't told him this earlier.

[reboot]

A lot of people are giving very short term answers to a long term problem. For instance, is she supposed to drag him into the shower with her every night of her life? This man was raised this way.

[lucy_in_disguise]

It takes 30 seconds to rinse off before bed and 3minutes to brush your teeth in the morning. Bad hygiene is gross and I am sure it is impacting him in many other areas of his life besides your relationship. Tell him he smells bad and you want him to shower before bed and brush his teeth in the morning. Then tell him again when he "forgets" and comes to bed smelling bad. He'll get it eventually. These are not unreasonable expectations.

Edited July 19, 2017 by lucy_in_disguise

[Superchicken]

Hi Tamari,

 

 

Does he have under arm hair ?.

If so, this is the one most common culprit of smell.

Get him to shave off his under arm hair. All of it.

Then, even if he sweats, its not as bad as when its with hair.

I don't know why that is. When I used to go to the gym with hairy armpits, It would be aromarish, lets say. Not enough to stop a SWAT team, but enough for them to argue amongst themselves who goes through the door first...

 

 

But, I shaved it off, and it has never smelt the same since.

So I always shave/trim every so often, and it works.

 

 

Grab a shaver and attack him while his asleep if you need to.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

[Chilli]

The other day I went to snuggle into my husband's arms in bed and the stench was so bad as he had run earlier in the day. I actually got up, grabbed MY deodorant off the bureau and rolled some on under his pit.

 

 

That's funny ,l can just see it. Scuse love, lift your damn arm up for a second, slip slop.

Ok ,all good , kiss kiss.

[whichwayisup]

Such a sensitive topic! But hey ho, here goes:

 

Yes I love him, very much. Yep, I still find him attractive and yes I still enjoy being intimate with him. Howeverrr.......

 

It's summer now, he's a hard-working chappie and to be absolutely blunt he often comes to bed with a strong enough under-arm aroma to clear a shopping mall.

 

Yes I have mentioned it, as honestly yet tactfully as I can. He did start taking a bath before coming to bed for a while, but it was short-lived and we're back to base. I mentioned it yet again the other day and he assured me he now takes a shower every day, as opposed to every other day as he used to do in the past (!). He also only brushes his teeth once a day (evening) and there are issues there too.

 

I don't know what else to do now, and it is a concern as we're talking about moving in together in the near future. As I said, he's a one in a million man: honest, stable, loyal, kind, patient = all very attractive to me, but this is starting to put me off being close to him.

 

His family seems to find all this entirely normal ie: they all smell Sometimes the odour is so strong I almost gag.

 

Any advice? No way do I want or will I consider being harsh about this to him, I am sure he is unaware of how bad it actually is. But something must be done about it before it becomes a serious issue. I couldn't live in the midst of that stench.

 

Thanks!

 

He should be brushing twice a day (at least! Morning and night!)

 

Be honest. Tell him that you love him but his smell is turning you off. Good thing is? There's an easy fix! Shower more often (shouldn't be a big deal to shower twice a day, some people need to depending on their job, or weather etc) and put on deodorant. He needs to put in effort and be more aware.

[Mrin]

If he comes in smelly, playful pat on the rump and "Shower before snuggles!" ?

 

This. It really isn't a big deal.

[reboot]

This. It really isn't a big deal.

 

This is what everyone is missing. It IS a big deal. Read her OP again. She HAS said all these things. He doesn't care.

[Chardonnay Renée]

Bad smell is an ABSOLUTE deal breaker for me! I have very sensitive smell and I'm easily turned off/repulsed by smell.

 

I grew up in the country and my uncle had a small dairy farm, so the smell of animals is something I'm somewhat used to. However...

 

I associate pungent odours with animals and since I'm not into bestiality... yeah, it just isn't going to work!

 

My husband is luckily extremely fastidious when it comes to personal hygene. But even he knows that if he drops an f-bomb (fart) in bed then he will not, I repeat will NOT be getting lucky that night.

[Popsicle]

This is what everyone is missing. It IS a big deal. Read her OP again. She HAS said all these things. He doesn't care.

 

Yes. Some people don't care.

 

They are in their own world.

 

Hints don't work. Even talking nicely to them about it doesn't work. It's like you have to hurt their feelings to shock them into making them more self-aware. I'm talking about in relationships.

 

And don't be surprised if some people choose to distance themselves from you so they can remain stinky and comfortable.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, isn't under arm odour linked to pheromones, the stuff that's supposed to get males and females to bond? Men give off male pheromones and women give off female pheromones. Both these kinds are supposed to attract the opposite gender. Our malodorous personas go back to our animalistic past when we communicated by grunting and copulated based on hormones given off by the female of the species. I guess the remnants of those base features still remain, stronger in some than in others. Also, depending on how 'civilized and cultured' we have become we have been desperately trying to keep these obnoxious features that refuse to abandon us, under wraps. That is why the perfume industry has thrived as much as it has. However camouflage it as you will, the phenomenon keeps raising its ugly head.

 

There is a positive side to it though. If your partner smells in a particular way you can always locate them in a public place such as a Mall if the power fails. Just sniff them out. I guess smell has both a positive and negative aspect to it. If your partner has a particular odour which revolts you then maybe he or she is not meant for you. If on the other hand his or her odour sends you into a heady spin then you've found your so called soul mate. Different strokes for different folk. Warm wishes.

[Chilli]

But it's worse when it's down below , how do you tell her that ?

[knabe]

Hi Folks, isn't under arm odour linked to pheromones, the stuff that's supposed to get males and females to bond? Men give off male pheromones and women give off female pheromones. Both these kinds are supposed to attract the opposite gender. Our malodorous personas go back to our animalistic past when we communicated by grunting and copulated based on hormones given off by the female of the species. I guess the remnants of those base features still remain, stronger in some than in others. Also, depending on how 'civilized and cultured' we have become we have been desperately trying to keep these obnoxious features that refuse to abandon us, under wraps. That is why the perfume industry has thrived as much as it has. However camouflage it as you will, the phenomenon keeps raising its ugly head.

 

There is a positive side to it though. If your partner smells in a particular way you can always locate them in a public place such as a Mall if the power fails. Just sniff them out. I guess smell has both a positive and negative aspect to it. If your partner has a particular odour which revolts you then maybe he or she is not meant for you. If on the other hand his or her odour sends you into a heady spin then you've found your so called soul mate. Different strokes for different folk. Warm wishes.

 

Biology is cool. If her partner stinks to her and she can't be near him and get aroused, then it's a problem. Anthropology is moot.

 

So.....what solution would you give to someone whose partner just didn't care enough to try?

[knabe]

But it's worse when it's down below , how do you tell her that ?

 

Honestly, I would hope my fiance would say "I love you but something isn't right. I think you should go to the doctor."

 

No woman wants to stink, and her feelings should be trumped by her desire not to be gross lol

[Just a Guy]

Hi knabe, the answer to your question is simple. If the person's smell puts off his/ her partner they are simply not meant to be together. The partner will have to find someone whose smell is compatible with their olfactory senses. Smell is an important part of a person's biology and there's not much he/she can do about it. I agree that personal hygiene is paramount but if, after one has had their bath and deodorised themselves adequately, they still give off an odour which is unpleasant to one's partner then I guess they are not meant to be partners. Just a thought. Warm wishes.

[knabe]

Hi knabe, the answer to your question is simple. If the person's smell puts off his/ her partner they are simply not meant to be together. The partner will have to find someone whose smell is compatible with their olfactory senses. Smell is an important part of a person's biology and there's not much he/she can do about it. I agree that personal hygiene is paramount but if, after one has had their bath and deodorised themselves adequately, they still give off an odour which is unpleasant to one's partner then I guess they are not meant to be partners. Just a thought. Warm wishes.

 

In THIS thread, he has bad hygeine

[misspalmy]

how about buying him a nice soap pack

[basil67]

Hi Folks, isn't under arm odour linked to pheromones, the stuff that's supposed to get males and females to bond?

 

No, underarm odor is linked to bacteria which thrive in those conditions. One can block bad underarm odor with deodorant, but still emit lovely pheromones.

[Chilli]

Think l'd just ask him to wear some deodorant, it wouldn't bother me if she asked.

 

l put up with bad breath though for a longgg time too, l just could not bring myself to tell her .

[Username1911]

wow i can relate to this.

My fiancee found a new job after being unemployed and now he works in the sun, outside all day. He sweats like crazy.

Now what's different in our situations is that he used to always take a shower and smell super good. But due to him being unemployed, he wasn't able to pay the hot water bill for a month. (It's crazy to me that people have to pay for water) but anyways, he'd heat up water and just wash up somewhat. But most of the time when he gets home he's STINKING so bad and like you said it makes me gag sometimes, but I don't have a problem with telling him that he stinks. I just do it in a "funny" "not offensive" manner/tone.

Me? i like taking cold showers, especially in the summer.

BUt i just can't wait to have hot water so he won't be so stinky.

I kind of feel ad for him, cuz people that work with him must smell him too lol not knowing that we're having some financial issues.

You should tell him he stinks but in a playful way

[knabe]

This is what everyone is missing. It IS a big deal. Read her OP again. She HAS said all these things. He doesn't care.

 

Exactly. In her initial post(s), the OP made it very clear that it is a hygiene issue, they are not lacking soap, she has talked to him repeatedly, and he might wash for a few days but then goes right back to stinky. He just doesn't care. So nice soaps and deoderant and discussions of pheromones are not the issue...as evidenced by the OP's very clear posts.

[Just a Guy]

Hi knabe and Basil, my post was meant in a lighter vein. I guess folks got all serious about the poster's query and were not seeing the funny side. As far as the personal hygiene aspect is concerned I think the OP has broached the subject on more than one occasion but her beau has just neglected her concerns. In that situation I would think that even though his other traits are superlative, this one negative is enough to dissuade the OP from Pershing him any further. She wouldn't want to be subjected to a lifetime of holding her nose around him and I am sure she is quite capable of finding someone who does not bombard her olfactory senses with a malodorous aura all the time. Pheromones are delicate and if someone had an overpowering smell about them I'm sure the pheromones would be completely camouflaged even if liberal quantities of deodorants are used. Something to think about. Warm wishes.

[Tamari]

Hi Just a Guy, Knabe is correct though! Spot on in fact (thank you Knabe!) and thank you everybody else who has contributed. But yeah.... this is nothing to do with pheromones or us not being compatible.

 

My partner does shower, but he works hard physically and doesn't use deodorant so - especially now in the summer - after a few hours the effects of the shower are as good as gone. Somebody asked about hair.. yes! He has lots of it and yes, I am itching to shave it off haha! But again: he's somebody who would never have considered this before, and I don't want to make him feel bad. He really is a wonderful man in all (other) ways but he's not one to use after-shave or anything like that. Deo is a whole new world to him even.

 

Still, something has to be done. Now it's so that he showeres every day. I have bought an antipersperant and have yet to find the right moment to give it... wish me luck please!

 

As for the dentist we have some headway I went to the dentist myself today to have a chipped filling sorted. He spontaneously said he thought it was time he should go himself as he hadn't been in a few years (!) and so we talked about the importance of oral hygene and how infections or bacteria left unchecked can result in very painful and drastic experiences... he is convinced and will make a check-up appointment soon. Good!

 

I will keep you posted and my thanks once again x