Wife Hyper Emotional, Affect on Kids in Divorce

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Great posts by everyone, but I suspect OP is still thinking, "You guys! You don't understand! We are sooo in love. We are soul mates. We always were!"

 

He doesn't get that this is literally the same thing ALL cheaters say .

[somanymistakes]

I thought "literally the same thing all cheaters say" was supposed to be throwing the OW under the bus immediately on DDay and begging the wife for forgiveness?

[JuneL]

Yes you are correct. I have asked her why she didn't give me a second chance 20+ years ago?

 

If I remember correctly, she wouldn't have sex with you during the later part of your relationship, and you went on to cheat with a few girls, and she broke up with you...

 

Have you ever asked why she decided not to be intimate with you back then?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

If I remember correctly, she wouldn't have sex with you during the later part of your relationship, and you went on to cheat with a few girls, and she broke up with you...

 

Have you ever asked why she decided not to be intimate with you back then?

 

We have talked a lot about our relationship 25 years ago and how it ended. I did not ask specifically why she would not be intimate anymore. She did mention she was young and wanted to experience life a bit. I was only her second bf. I think it was her pushing me away to experience college life more.

 

 

It came out recently that she thought I had sex when I cheated on her all those years ago but I didn't. She says she was very hurt and wanted me to hurt. She says has deep regret for being stubborn about not giving me a second chance.

[anika99]

So if your new relationshi with miss yoga instructor ends up being a flash in the pan and comes to an end in the next year or two will you still be happy with your decision to leave your wife and break up your family?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So if your new relationshi with miss yoga instructor ends up being a flash in the pan and comes to an end in the next year or two will you still be happy with your decision to leave your wife and break up your family?

 

Yes, I had not been happy for many many years. I had serious doubts during dating phase but just got too deep into the process. I made a serious mistake by not ending then but I was in depressed state and scared to be alone. But I have two incredible children.

 

 

All I can do now is be the best dad I can be and support my wife thru healing process.

[basil67]

You can't leave your wife for another woman AND emotionally support her. She wouldn't be able to trust you enough to lean on you.

 

I guess you can try and be a good father, but the fact is, your kids may not want to forgive you for leaving to be with another woman. They will have to welcome you back in to their lives before you can be a father.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OP, does the mistress truly deserve to be on the pedestal upon which you've placed her?

[JuneL]

 

Also, tbh the sex is a lot of effort with the gf. I was quite use the simple routine with the W and was good enough for me.

 

You mentioned in one of your earlier threads that you had a low sex drive and even considered allowing your wife outside sex. Has this reconnection with your hot yoga girlfriend raised your sex drive at all?

[knabe]

I am sure your kids are upset seeing your wife's emotions.

 

Would you say they might be upset that their father betrayed the family and left them?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So a few days following the awful sunday events my W texted me that she went to a new therapists and really loved it. She is focused on working on herself and her issues. She encouraged me to go. I went a couple days later.

 

 

I thought she had turned the corner towards healing and moving forward. I talked to her and she said she doesn't want divorce and is going to spend the next few months focusing on herself.

 

 

The last few days have been good but she is constantly sending me texts that basically say she's sorry for her role, wants me to come back, etc. She is very religious and says she is praying for me and plays the religious angle to keeping us and family together. Last night she left me flowers and gift and a card that reiterated her feelings about keeping us together.

 

 

I have told her numerous times during our separation that I don't feel 100% love for her, my heart is not in it, I don't want to keep hurting her. We fought for many years before my affair that I didn't love her completely and she was not my first choice.

 

 

I know divorce is hard but I can't grasp why she would want me back. Why would she want to question my love and being #2 for the rest of time? She should want to be with someone who loves her 100%

[JuneL]

From what you've described, your wife is an aggressive woman and is used to getting her way in the marriage. That's probably why it's extremely hard for her to take such a big blow, much less from you. So I think she's just doing whatever it takes to have you back.

 

So a few days following the awful sunday events my W texted me that she went to a new therapists and really loved it. She is focused on working on herself and her issues. She encouraged me to go. I went a couple days later.

 

 

I thought she had turned the corner towards healing and moving forward. I talked to her and she said she doesn't want divorce and is going to spend the next few months focusing on herself.

 

 

The last few days have been good but she is constantly sending me texts that basically say she's sorry for her role, wants me to come back, etc. She is very religious and says she is praying for me and plays the religious angle to keeping us and family together. Last night she left me flowers and gift and a card that reiterated her feelings about keeping us together.

 

 

I have told her numerous times during our separation that I don't feel 100% love for her, my heart is not in it, I don't want to keep hurting her. We fought for many years before my affair that I didn't love her completely and she was not my first choice.

 

 

I know divorce is hard but I can't grasp why she would want me back. Why would she want to question my love and being #2 for the rest of time? She should want to be with someone who loves her 100%

[Wookin Pa Nub]

From what you've described, your wife is an aggressive woman and is used to getting her way in the marriage. That's probably why it's extremely hard for her to take such a big blow, much less from you. So I think she's just doing whatever it takes to have you back.

 

Yes, I would say she is a bully and is using her aggressive confrontational style to try to get her way. In a joint therapy session the counselor told her she can't force me to feel a certain way. I have told her that. She doesn't listen to that.

 

 

I have a feeling this new therapist that she really liked was telling her things she wanted to hear like if you do A,B,C that I will come back. I met with this therapist and told him I am 100% sure of my decision. He said he will help her move forward. I bet when she meets with him and he tells her this she will not like this therapist any more.

[JuneL]

It's unfortunate that you didn't address your marriage issue (whether setting firm boundaries or divorce) before bringing in this drama of your hot yoga girlfriend.

 

Yes, I would say she is a bully and is using her aggressive confrontational style to try to get her way. In a joint therapy session the counselor told her she can't force me to feel a certain way. I have told her that. She doesn't listen to that.

 

 

I have a feeling this new therapist that she really liked was telling her things she wanted to hear like if you do A,B,C that I will come back. I met with this therapist and told him I am 100% sure of my decision. He said he will help her move forward. I bet when she meets with him and he tells her this she will not like this therapist any more.

[elaine567]

I know divorce is hard but I can't grasp why she would want me back. Why would she want to question my love and being #2 for the rest of time? She should want to be with someone who loves her 100%

 

That is because unlike the WS, the BS usually had no intention of stepping out of the marriage, they were not dreaming of "freedom", or looking for extra, or wanting to swap partners.

No, they were committed to the marriage and their family and the life they built

So unless they are of the mindset to never see the "lying cheater" ever again, they do not want to be forced into the "wilderness" against their wishes, they just want their their spouse back and to get back to normal life again.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So unless they are of the mindset to never see the "lying cheater" ever again, they do not want to be forced into the "wilderness" against their wishes, they just want their their spouse back and to get back to normal life again.

 

I can certainly see that but my W has questioned my love for many many years way before the affair. She always thought she was my second choice. The affair should have confirmed those feelings. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't love me completely and had an affair.

[JuneL]

I can certainly see that but my W has questioned my love for many many years way before the affair. She always thought she was my second choice. The affair should have confirmed those feelings. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't love me completely and had an affair.

 

Why is it so hard for you to comprehend? Others may be puzzled by why you would get into a marriage and stay married for so many years with a woman you never really love, no?

Edited July 26, 2017 by JuneL