I think my fiance may be bi??!!

[Dazedandconfused1979]

Yeah I get that, Im not sure what to do about that. I do know that his computer at work is monitored so it couldn't happen there. He does have a computer (at home) but it is hooked up to our smart tv and we both use it. He doesn't have a laptop or tablet.

 

 

The only way he could is with a burner phone. Not sure how I could find that out.

[Dazedandconfused1979]

IF he got a burner phone, it would have had to be in the last couple weeks. Why would he use his real cell phone while he had a burner phone this whole time? The text messages were on his cell phone.

 

 

Anyways, So I guess I better start checking his car and places where he could hide it. I know he is on a family plan with his sister so she gets all the bills so no way for me to check old phone bills. Unless I want his sister involved and that isn't happening.

[JHandy]

Hey Dazed,

 

Before you and the fiancé talk tonight, please write down what YOU want. What do you want in your life.

 

Understand, there is no way you will ever know what your fiancé has done. At this point, you haven't talked to him, you haven't seen his phone and you are already two steps ahead in your finding proof.

 

Searching for a burn phone and the level of suspecting your doing is not going to come to any good.

 

My guess is that the answer you want is that you want to end it with him. You're just trying to find the justification. You have the justification. He's already told you what he did and you saw it. And you were likely horrified by it. It's all understandable.

 

Your first message suggested you wanted to fix this so you can move on with the wedding.

 

The level of suspicion and uncertainty and distrust you have means you need to call off the engagement. He needs to or you need to move out.

 

What you do and have him do tonight will stay with you for the rest of your marriage and it could be toxic.

 

This is why you need to know precisely what you want.

 

The fact is, these recent posts are 100% correct. He could have cleaned his phone, got a second phone, using another devise or whatever. Accepting he would deceive you to this end that is requires you to search his car makes searching his phone tonight pointless.

 

You could pointedly tell him tonight that his actions have ruined your faith in him and just be devastatingly honest with him as to where you are. This surveillance and searching stuff will drive you crazy and you will in the end never deal with the real issue that is your tremendous hurt.

 

If you really want to stay with him, you need to start the process of building trust tonight.

 

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for your success tonight.

[Dazedandconfused1979]

I do want to stay with him and I want everything he told me to be the honest truth. That is what I want. 100%

[Dazedandconfused1979]

If I wanted to end it, I would have ended it with him when I first saw the texts. It would have been over.

[JHandy]

I do want to stay with him and I want everything he told me to be the honest truth. That is what I want. 100%

 

Then keep tonight about yours and his feeling. You should tell him that you are having trouble believing him, because that's the truth. But for the sake of your future marriage you're going to take what he says and accept it.

 

This could be a building talk if you choose to have it that way.

 

You should tell him he can't eff up any more.

 

Tonight you should discuss your suspicion of him being bi and assure him you are ok with it. It's better that stuff is out there for both of you. Give him understanding and support and let him know you are his compadre in life and you want him as yours.

 

Forget about the devices. You will regret going there as soon as you go.