rumblefish12 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 thank you ...i will try as you suggest... i really do want to be out of this i wanted to ask something else...many of you have tried NC for several months only for it to end and some of you have found yourself back in the A...how does that happen? I mean after investing several months in NC, how does one end up letting their guard down to the extent that they end up in the same mess..id love to hear your stories Well, there were lots of times NC failed. But I'll tell you about the most recent, which was after 8 months. After 8 months, I'm standing in my front yard doing yard work. She rides by on a bike with her daughter. She motions with the phone motion (finger to ear/mouth) and says, "will you call me?" Not exactly a lightning bolt. 8 months! I called her. You want to know where I ended up within a few weeks? Exactly where I started at the beginning of the 8 months. Moral of the story -- it won't be the same. It won't be a relief. Don't give in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 My lat mom used to love saying " all you have yo do is KISS-keep it simple, stupid" ( not that I'm calling you stupid). Why does this need to be so complicated? It's really quite simple. You are still hung up on this guy. He;s married. you are not a good place emotionally right now. You know these facts. They did not change. The things that were wrong with the relationship will still be wrong in the relationship. If he approaches you, walk away. If you fee like speaking with him, turn around and walk away. It might feel like you are stabbing yourself through the heart, but what's the alternative? Be miserable for another few years with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Why do you want to hear the stories of failed NC? It seems to me you are in the mindset to fail and if that is the case then you will fail, it is guaranteed. He is waiting for you to fail and whilst he gets his little OW back, YOU will be back playing second fiddle to his wife. If you want to be his mistress and sit on the sidelines for years whilst he lives out his life with his wife and kids, then carry on, but if you want marriage and children of your own then you need to chose that and make active steps to stay away from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Lb...when you have decided enough is enough.. when you have made up your mind to never allow him to use you again.. when you put your wants and needs and dreams first and truly understand he is not part of them. But until you commit to no contact you will allow yourself to cheat. When you stop making excuses for your failure you will succeed. As long as you give yourself permission to fail... you will. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 thank you ...i will try as you suggest... i really do want to be out of this i wanted to ask something else...many of you have tried NC for several months only for it to end and some of you have found yourself back in the A...how does that happen? I mean after investing several months in NC, how does one end up letting their guard down to the extent that they end up in the same mess..id love to hear your stories Pretty much by carrying on the way you do. Going to him and saying hi and then finding an excuse (camera) to talk to him. All of this let's him know you are dying for his attention and more. You could just avoid him. As someone else said you know where he is going to be at a certain time so the smart thing to do is not be around that place at that time. You could avoid him but you don't want to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lavenderblue Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 Pretty much by carrying on the way you do. Going to him and saying hi and then finding an excuse (camera) to talk to him. All of this let's him know you are dying for his attention and more. You could just avoid him. As someone else said you know where he is going to be at a certain time so the smart thing to do is not be around that place at that time. You could avoid him but you don't want to. Thank you. I wish it were easier! My heart tells me something. My brain tells me something different. One moment my heart guides my actions. One moment my brain guides my actions. I cannot disagree with any of what you say. I just wish it were easier. All i know is that sometimes this sensation of suffocation is unbearable. All i know is that i could really do with some normality again. All i know is that this is so so hard and i am grateful to all of you for taking the time to listen to me and devoting your energy to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 LB, get help from every source in your area so that you can stop being so weak and dependent on the wrong men. You need to become more self-sufficient as you are like a feather in the wind; no stability, no sense of what attitudes and behaviors make for a successful relationship. These people on this forum are giving you very good information but you need more than this forum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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