Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I would give guy #2 a shot. I would say 95% of guys I come across don't even know what "research" is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Hi!!! Oooh good luck on your date. I hope there are sparks. Have you discussed meeting with guy 2 yet? Seems like there's a ton of chemistry there. This is exciting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Can any women in here relate : Only a few guys really "catch their eye" and even fewer spark enough interest to talk to? Please tell me I'm not alone and most women do not find most guys on there cute? And btw, I mean the really, really persistent ones often are creepers or love bombers. I'm on okcupid I can easily get 50 messages and i find zero even interesting enough for a second message, let alone meeting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I can easily get 50 messages and i find zero even interesting enough for a second message, let alone meeting. It's so disheartening 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 I would give guy #2 a shot. I would say 95% of guys I come across don't even know what "research" is. Being in Boston denifitely helps... i can empathize if you live in an area with less interesting crowd, here is almost hard to find someone not associated in some way with science or tech. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 Hi!!! Oooh good luck on your date. I hope there are sparks. Have you discussed meeting with guy 2 yet? Seems like there's a ton of chemistry there. This is exciting Yeah ... trying to schedule time... My problem is now I scheduled with guy 1 on Sun and guy 3 on Sat, so it should be either 2 dates in one day (omg I've never done that) or leave guy 2 for Mon (not ideal). That's why I usually write to one guy at a time... except this time around. My plan is to try to confirm to guy 2 for Sat and reschedule for guy 3 on Sun, later in the day after guy 2. It will probably be too much but 2&3 are coffee dates so it could be manageable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Yeah ... trying to schedule time... My problem is now I scheduled with guy 1 on Sun and guy 3 on Sat, so it should be either 2 dates in one day (omg I've never done that) or leave guy 2 for Mon (not ideal). That's why I usually write to one guy at a time... except this time around. My plan is to try to confirm to guy 2 for Sat and reschedule for guy 3 on Sun, later in the day after guy 2. It will probably be too much but 2&3 are coffee dates so it could be manageable. Woah! I have been away a couple of days and look at you going I am REALLY happy you are meeting your prospects and not engaging in weeks of corresponding. I understand you get attracted to their intelligence through email exchange but what if after 3 weeks of this back and forth you met and HE does not like you. Checking each other live is a must then you can embark in any kind of intellectual trip you wish. Looking forward to read your update! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I personally can never get attracted to a picture. At all. I don't even look at the pictures, maybe only the profile picture and the stats - usually the basic parameters give me an idea if the attraction can happen but just to get attracted to picture - no way. You have to be lying! People who know us better than we know ourselves say so! :D I'm kind of like that too. A picture alone doesn't do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) Thanks G, yeah it can be disappointing if I ramp up with someone and then e doesn't like me (haha, this is exactly the situation that made me discover Loveshack forums few years ago). I'm just really really bad in pacing things and wanted to avoid getting into insta-relationship. Retrospecting on the past - every time that things escalated to physical stuff I ended up in a relationship with the guy... so I need somehow to pace that without turning guys off. Haha, for me personally if it goes to kiss it WILL go to sex within a week (ugh more realistically a day)... so even kissing is a dangerous game because it jumps me into a RL Outside of my boyfriends in the past I kissed exactly ONE more guy and I didn't get into relationship with him only for the reason that the guy was the one that rejected me from my 1st LS thread I'll update on Monday after the dates (or sooner if they're exceptionally good or exceptionally crappy) Woah! I have been away a couple of days and look at you going I am REALLY happy you are meeting your prospects and not engaging in weeks of corresponding. I understand you get attracted to their intelligence through email exchange but what if after 3 weeks of this back and forth you met and HE does not like you. Checking each other live is a must then you can embark in any kind of intellectual trip you wish. Looking forward to read your update! Edited July 21, 2017 by No_Go 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I don't know how to avoid that - any advice? You can google "sociopath con men" to look for the obvious characteristics. Well I'm sure you're a very intelligent woman and you've learned how to spot them by now. Just pay attention when they talk about their background (are they trying to give a deliberately vague answers) and observe how they interact with other people. Another thing: Since you're from Europe, you might want to downplay the fact that you don't have family and relatives in the area, or you might want to come across as someone who has a good supporting network. I'm so happy for you that you have a few dates lined up 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tetrahedral Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Being in Boston denifitely helps... i can empathize if you live in an area with less interesting crowd, here is almost hard to find someone not associated in some way with science or tech. I live in Boston too and I can confirm. There's interesting people everywhere. Helps with dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) So tomorrow morning is guy 2... We're taking a long walk (but in public place haha I'm not repeating past mistakes to run to the woods with a total stranger...). This man just gets me emotionally. For M.B. fans - INFP / INTJ However, he's like me in many aspects but with a kink. And the kink are things that I'm not really tolerant about (he smoked weed, drinks etc). In principle these are deal breakers for me so unless he is very moderate I should bail before getting attached. I'm really torn here. On Sunday morning is guy 1. We'll have coffee and this is a person that I'm sure I'll enjoy it with - he's just so similar to me in interests. Like too similar - I'm just worried it is a bit too much to give enough excitement for dating. He's also pretty punctual etc - things I like (and represent) but kind of vanilla. I could be wrong though:) On Monday evening is coffee with guy 3. This one works in a field that I wanted to be. I also have the gut feeling that we have a giant common network (I didn't ask on purpose). I don't have any feeling here are we a romantic match or not... Which makes me think it is probably no. But I'm still curious to learn about him. Maybe if all else fails he's a good business contact:) That's all for now. Guy 4 is MIA which is great because I'm so overwhelmed. I really feel exhausted and restless. A bit excited. Hopefully no scary surprises .... (well... I ran background checks on them - it is insane how easy is to get ALL their information just from mentioned first name and one two key words... And makes me SUPER scared how anyone can track me in return). P.S. Guy 4 is back . This one is very different from me but we have at least one common passion so I got intrigued. I'll keep him for Tue/Wed especially if the rest turn not to be too interesting. Such a weird life I created for myself... Edited July 22, 2017 by No_Go Change content 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Date with guy 2 was lovely. It was so unpretentious and natural I felt like I am out with a good friend... I expected more tension, i don't know if it is a good or bad thing but it was surprisingly relaxing. I had a bad week but this guy somehow put me in a good mood for the day - I'm smiling the whole day which unfortunately hasn't been the case for me in a while. I have my hopes up to continue seeing him The good: very charming, I find him quite attractive, unpretentious, we have a lot of common interests, love animals, very good conversationalist, I think he's a kind person as well from the way how he spoke about his friends and family and behaved with me. The conversation was flowing 3 h with no awkward silences The bad: he's a bit scattered, I feel like he almost needs some advice and the way how we interacted - he'll benefit of having a bit of a lead. The drinking stuff that I was concerned - I still am, but i didn't see tell tale signs of a problem. He said his last relationship was few years ago and he didn't prioritize having one after that although he's ultimately looking for a serious one. The confusing: we weren't physical on the date. He was about to hug me just when we met but I didn't go for it (we just saw each other haha). We hugged in the end but no other physical contact like holding hands or kissing. I hope he found me attractive enough but was just shy but who knows haha. I actually was hoping to go a bit slow because as mentioned earlier in the thread I had difficulties pacing after getting physical. When we left he said he enjoyed our date and hope to see me again soon but we didn't set one. He texted like 30 min afterwards reiterating that he enjoyed the day and wants to meet again, I basically said the same and left it there. For the more experienced crowd? How does it sound? Shall I keep texting him or let him contact me? I'm afraid I really really like this one. I'm meeting two others tomorrow/Monday which is good to distract a bit because as said - ugh I like this one a lot. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Oops case closed regarding the confusion that I had if guy 2 wants to meet again - we just set our date number 2. I can't wait to see him again, I don't know WTH happened with him but I'm almost sick of excitement and seems like he as well... I probably should still go through the motions with the others in the next couple of days... It will be rough considering my mind is elsewhere 3 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Hi!!! I'm loving this thread! I always read about OLD horror stories, so it's nice to see the positive for once!! Plz keep us updated!!! I'm truly excited for you! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
rushed Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Oops case closed regarding the confusion that I had if guy 2 wants to meet again - we just set our date number 2. I can't wait to see him again, I don't know WTH happened with him but I'm almost sick of excitement and seems like he as well... I probably should still go through the motions with the others in the next couple of days... It will be rough considering my mind is elsewhere I hadn't read this thread since you first posted, and OMG, I missed a lot! LOL I'm so excited for you! When is the next date with Guy 2? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 No_Go!! I am so happy for you. Sounds like a wonderful date. Continue to keep up updated 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Tuesday!i can't wait... I hadn't read this thread since you first posted, and OMG, I missed a lot! LOL I'm so excited for you! When is the next date with Guy 2? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 This is turning into my diary but just met Guy 1, he was quite smart and interesting, however - classic case of no chemistry (and I hope that's mutual so we don't need to follow up). Guy 3 is tomorrow but I'm not really excited meeting him... my mind is on Guy 2 all the way and I haven't heard from him today which makes me anxious. I haven't had such an explosive chemistry with anyone like him from eh, many years ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Sounds like Guy 2 gave you a strong dose of dopamine and adrenaline already 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 Sounds like Guy 2 gave you a strong dose of dopamine and adrenaline already Yeah.. Cancelled with Guy 3 - it wasn't feeling right and we have common network so it would have been awkward. Guy 1 will likely never call, I hope so. But Guy 2 - how is this real?? I'm so scared that I'm falling into a trap but how can this be one? - OMG he reads my papers to get to know me and he's into atmosphere, I'm into bacteria He likes to be in the future in the place that i traced 10 years ago and he had no way to know because I've never shared with anyone I'll either have a cold shower soon or a lot of warmth ahead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 I would advise you to meet with a couple more guys, given your track record of jumping into a relationship with the first guy you met in person. On the other hand, I understand how hard it must to fight the dopamine and adrenaline. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 Yeah... the thing is I feel so guilty - like yesterday when I met guy 1 I was as high as a kite from all the hormones and couldn't stop talking - i.e. behaved like an idiot That's why I cancelled the date today (which was for dinner, the yesterday one was coffee which is more manageable). For the track record: my ex was the first guy that I met in person indeed, the ex before him (the conman) was... maybe the 2nd or the 3rd if I remember correctly I just dn't know how people sustain themselves going on 10+ (or 100+) - I'm introvert and for me it would be a soul crushing experience. That's why I like to do a lot of pre-selection by targeting specific groups etc. I would advise you to meet with a couple more guys, given your track record of jumping into a relationship with the first guy you met in person. On the other hand, I understand how hard it must to fight the dopamine and adrenaline. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Yeah... the thing is I feel so guilty - like yesterday when I met guy 1 I was as high as a kite from all the hormones and couldn't stop talking - i.e. behaved like an idiot That's why I cancelled the date today (which was for dinner, the yesterday one was coffee which is more manageable). For the track record: my ex was the first guy that I met in person indeed, the ex before him (the conman) was... maybe the 2nd or the 3rd if I remember correctly I just dn't know how people sustain themselves going on 10+ (or 100+) - I'm introvert and for me it would be a soul crushing experience. That's why I like to do a lot of pre-selection by targeting specific groups etc. Eh enjoy it. It is true though, meeting 100 unsuitable men is soul crashing. It's hard having a job of your dreams in a town where most of the population are redneck meth addicts. I can kind of ignore it for non-dating purposes because I can live in a microism of work friends who are all married. I don't see anything wrong with getting into a relationship with one of the first few men you meet. That sounds ideal to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 Thanks My fear has been coming from past stories (one of my exes turned to be a conman who used me for cash ... after fast tracking into a RL). But I think he was just a bad apple... And even if I met 100 people back then he'd still tricked me, he was just skilled in tricking people I can empathize with your story. My circumstances in my 20s were similar in a way that I only communicated with married/attached people in my lab, leading to basically not having ANY dating life in most of my 20s... Basically I wasted all my prime years but whatever, life sometimes comes around Eh enjoy it. It is true though, meeting 100 unsuitable men is soul crashing. It's hard having a job of your dreams in a town where most of the population are redneck meth addicts. I can kind of ignore it for non-dating purposes because I can live in a microism of work friends who are all married. I don't see anything wrong with getting into a relationship with one of the first few men you meet. That sounds ideal to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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