OLD beginnings - selection process

[Miss Spider]

OLD - The selections process ('cause I don't want to bump my own thread and this is apt)

 

I am getting messaged by some really hot guys. They seem pretty cool too. But I don't know if I should date. Is it just me or is fantasy better? Like, no expectations, no worries, no possible rejection, just you and yourself? It's so peaceful. I don't even have to get dressed for a date! What puts even more of a damper on things is I know why these guys are messaging me. All people are like that. It's not their fault. But why partake? Maybe I do really want to be single deep down like someone said in my thread

 

 

(Sorry for the negativity/hijack, I am super happy for you and how excited and happy you are about guy 2, no_go. Just purging my personal thoughts)

Edited July 25, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

OMG sorry to revive my dead thread but the brother of my long-time orbiter (someone I've rejected multiple times in the past three years) approached me

 

Shall I block him??? I'm sure the two guys interact and it will be suuuuuper awkward.

[Miss Spider]

You mean he messaged you? Yeah, I'd probably block or just ignore

[Dis]

OMG sorry to revive my dead thread but the brother of my long-time orbiter (someone I've rejected multiple times in the past three years) approached me

 

Shall I block him??? I'm sure the two guys interact and it will be suuuuuper awkward.

 

Ughhh I hate the orbiters!

 

I have my own that I just had to put in my spam folder after I took a blow to the self esteem due to his douche baggery

 

Does he seem like his brother?

 

If so, block him

 

If not, maybe give him a chance

[Dis]

Mercury retrograde No_Go Its been going on for a few weeks now I think

 

Communication will prove to be difficult until September 5th

 

Ughhhh....

[No_Go]

Mercury retrograde No_Go Its been going on for a few weeks now I think

 

Communication will prove to be difficult until September 5th

 

Ughhhh....

 

Ahhhaaa this is it!

 

Check your PM - need urgent advice, ghosts resurface;)

[No_Go]

Ughhh I hate the orbiters!

 

I have my own that I just had to put in my spam folder after I took a blow to the self esteem due to his douche baggery

 

Does he seem like his brother?

 

If so, block him

 

If not, maybe give him a chance

 

No way to try with him! I'm friends with his brother and not attracted to any of the two. And this guy seems creepy - I though he's virgin but he wants sex date 1or 2 . OMG so weird!! I want to disappear

[Dis]

No way to try with him! I'm friends with his brother and not attracted to any of the two. And this guy seems creepy - I though he's virgin but he wants sex date 1or 2 . OMG so weird!! I want to disappear

 

Oh then, nope!

 

I just had another orbiter pop up

 

Then I saged my house

 

I swear, retrograde is f**king everything up

[dispatch3d]

humm well I'm glad I stopped orbiting girls after reading your real opinion of them.

 

Anyhow if it makes you feel any better this is way more fun than my OLD experience. From a guys point of view I send like maybe 10 messages a year and get maybe 1 response if I'm lucky. I do receive some messages, and I've been on a handfull of dates over the years but really was only attracted to 1 out of the 5 girls or something.

 

Anyhow some insight into the guys who have been on there forever. I don't think I'm a bad guy but OLD definitely isn't a way for me to get a date.

 

Obviously I'm not spamming hey to everyone that joins, but I assume that would work even worse than what I'm doing currently. It doesn't seem like something I should put effort or time into as I doubt I'd get any return for my time.

[No_Go]

You know, for men the energy barrier is to get a date, but for women there is another one: to keep the guy interested. Both are challenges, just different.

 

I suggest avoid spamming everyone with 'Hey' messages. Most women will not respond - because obviously it is very easy to mass message that way and women don't want to be one of 100 (i.e. high chance to not go for 2nd date or go into pump and dump situation).

 

If you send concise personalized message (not overdone) to a handful of women that you're really interested in, each week, I think OLD will work better for you.

 

humm well I'm glad I stopped orbiting girls after reading your real opinion of them.

 

Anyhow if it makes you feel any better this is way more fun than my OLD experience. From a guys point of view I send like maybe 10 messages a year and get maybe 1 response if I'm lucky. I do receive some messages, and I've been on a handfull of dates over the years but really was only attracted to 1 out of the 5 girls or something.

 

Anyhow some insight into the guys who have been on there forever. I don't think I'm a bad guy but OLD definitely isn't a way for me to get a date.

 

Obviously I'm not spamming hey to everyone that joins, but I assume that would work even worse than what I'm doing currently. It doesn't seem like something I should put effort or time into as I doubt I'd get any return for my time.

[dispatch3d]

At least its better than tinder. I was getting like a 1% response rate then did some research. Tinder is really just meant for hot guys, if you're in the 80th percentile you can expect a 5% response rate, the 100th percentile gets 17%. The whole thing is exponential, so with me being fairly average in the looks department my chances of even getting a match is extremely low....

 

Anyhow enough whining, good luck on your search.

 

edit: fyi considering the above, I would never use tinder as a female. I just start swiping right on everyone because my match rate is really low - the whole eco-system really defeats the purpose of matching with someone.

[Eternal Sunshine]

At least its better than tinder. I was getting like a 1% response rate then did some research. Tinder is really just meant for hot guys, if you're in the 80th percentile you can expect a 5% response rate, the 100th percentile gets 17%. The whole thing is exponential, so with me being fairly average in the looks department my chances of even getting a match is extremely low....

 

Anyhow enough whining, good luck on your search.

 

edit: fyi considering the above, I would never use tinder as a female. I just start swiping right on everyone because my match rate is really low - the whole eco-system really defeats the purpose of matching with someone.

 

Tinder has been useless to me. I match with 99% of the guys because guys swipe yes to everyone

[Miss Spider]

Online dating is actually quite painful for a lot of people, male or female

[Miss Spider]

I have begun chatting with a guy online who seems super promisinG. Please don't mess this up, me.

[No_Go]

I have begun chatting with a guy online who seems super promisinG. Please don't mess this up, me.

 

When is the date? Look forward to hearing updates!

[Miss Spider]

When is the date? Look forward to hearing updates!

 

lol we just exchanged about 2 messages so far. no_Go, I'm so exhausted by OLD that the fact I am not turned off by now is a miracle. I'm so thirsty I get excited for any little droplet of water Will update

[No_Go]

lol we just exchanged about 2 messages so far. no_Go, I'm so exhausted by OLD that the fact I am not turned off by now is a miracle. I'm so thirsty I get excited for any little droplet of water Will update

 

Keep the momentum! Just don't step too far ahead:)

[Dis]

lol we just exchanged about 2 messages so far. no_Go, I'm so exhausted by OLD that the fact I am not turned off by now is a miracle. I'm so thirsty I get excited for any little droplet of water Will update

 

Yay Cookies!

 

OLD is funny that way, just when we think we can't do it anymore... We get a second wind, and then a third wind, and then a fourth wind. Then the air runs out for a few months. But once we can catch our breath a little... we're back on!

 

Keep us posted!

[No_Go]

Sadly my huge crush from this summer has not resulted in a relationship, which means I need to get back to the drawing board. I gave it good 2 months to recover so I think I'm not rushing things.

 

I know better what I want now, I think. I'm not looking for insta-relationship with marriage/babies prospect (although I'd like to have children but more about that - below). I want someone who I respect and inspires me, because otherwise I get really resentful and bitchy. Being similarly quirky would be best, and I just need someone who is nerdy, introspective, and enjoys more substantial conversations.

 

I'm also ok with compartmentalizing: in my age I absolutely do NOT need prince Charming meeting all my needs in the same time (that's why I have a social circle). As long as the guy is intellectually stimulating and fits my life plan - we'd work together.

 

Difficulties: I'd like to have children fairly soon, which is really a huge barrier for waiting or getting into a relationship with a noncommittal guy. I'm thinking I can work around that with a right person (e.g I have my own kids from a donor instead of involving him) but this maybe difficult to implement. Also: I'm very set in my home life so I'm ideally looking for someone that does NOT own a house or has preferences where to live. This kind of brings me to young/unsettle guys, but I also don't want a mooch... Difficult to find as well. Third: I'm dead set NOT to get together with a 'fun-loving' going out type. At my stage of life, I just can't stand this behavior... I need an introvert probably, but the experience from the summer showed me that for two introverts breaking the physical barrier can be insanely hard.

 

Does my case sound hopeless? I feel like I'm trapped by the circumstances.

 

Also, I'm still a bit upset from the summer fail start... So I'm willing to do very extensive pre-selection to avoid similar situations. But how? I can't find a site with very extensive questionnairre except OKC and eHarmony but I'm not logging there for logistic reasons. Match didn't work out for me so I cancelled my account. Bumble, Tinder etc I feel like are targeted towards FB users - I despise social media and haven't updated my profiles/pictures from good 5-10 years... and don't plan to, rendering FB connected sites unusable. Is POF the only one left?

[Miss Spider]

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. But I think that you are beliefs may be limiting you. Right now I see you want and intellectual man who likes to stay in a lot versus going out. Not unreasonable at all. However, not dating a man who own their own home is probably a bigger challenge and something that can be alleviated through compromise.Don't discount men who are younger men or older either if that's not a deal breaker either. There are younger men who are introverted who want to settle down and start a family too.

 

No go, aren't you like 31? I don't think you need to be in such a rush unless you want several kids. Obviously, if you want children younger I can understand that. Just preselect men who are walking a similar path as you. Date guys who want to settle down and start a family. So no guys that are "whatever happens, happens" If it is extremely urgent for you, you should have a timeline. Such as date and if the man does not want to married and start a family after a year or so, waste no more time. He should know by then if those are his goals.

 

 

I have seen very successful relationships come from tinder and bumble. Setting up a Facebook just to use it is not even setting up a Facebook at all. You do not need it to put any pictures or any personal information except for your date of birth and first name. I understand if you still do not want to do this ,but it does limit your options. Your best shot would be to implement all options. Apps, free sits , paid sites, "real life"... everything! And why not OK Cupid? It's a good one.

 

Anyway, best of luck and have fun on your new adventure back to dating!

[CoolJoe]

Sadly my huge crush from this summer has not resulted in a relationship, which means I need to get back to the drawing board. I gave it good 2 months to recover so I think I'm not rushing things.

 

I know better what I want now, I think. I'm not looking for insta-relationship with marriage/babies prospect (although I'd like to have children but more about that - below). I want someone who I respect and inspires me, because otherwise I get really resentful and bitchy. Being similarly quirky would be best, and I just need someone who is nerdy, introspective, and enjoys more substantial conversations.

 

I'm also ok with compartmentalizing: in my age I absolutely do NOT need prince Charming meeting all my needs in the same time (that's why I have a social circle). As long as the guy is intellectually stimulating and fits my life plan - we'd work together.

 

Difficulties: I'd like to have children fairly soon, which is really a huge barrier for waiting or getting into a relationship with a noncommittal guy. I'm thinking I can work around that with a right person (e.g I have my own kids from a donor instead of involving him) but this maybe difficult to implement. Also: I'm very set in my home life so I'm ideally looking for someone that does NOT own a house or has preferences where to live. This kind of brings me to young/unsettle guys, but I also don't want a mooch... Difficult to find as well. Third: I'm dead set NOT to get together with a 'fun-loving' going out type. At my stage of life, I just can't stand this behavior... I need an introvert probably, but the experience from the summer showed me that for two introverts breaking the physical barrier can be insanely hard.

 

Does my case sound hopeless? I feel like I'm trapped by the circumstances.

 

Also, I'm still a bit upset from the summer fail start... So I'm willing to do very extensive pre-selection to avoid similar situations. But how? I can't find a site with very extensive questionnairre except OKC and eHarmony but I'm not logging there for logistic reasons. Match didn't work out for me so I cancelled my account. Bumble, Tinder etc I feel like are targeted towards FB users - I despise social media and haven't updated my profiles/pictures from good 5-10 years... and don't plan to, rendering FB connected sites unusable. Is POF the only one left?

 

I got lucky and met my GF on POF... I never saw that coming. Most POF girls I dated in the past have, based on my experience, been a bit trashy.

 

It's good to know what you want, but don't stick too firm to it as well. It's often hard to find someone who ticks all your boxes to a tee. Finding someone you have good chemistry with, can trust and rely on is more important than meeting the boxes on your wish list. Just keep an open mind. I did with the girl I was dating back in July and now we're BF GF. It's crazy too because had I kept close to my boxes, we would have never got past the second date. But now we're like 12 dates in (I lost count) and we're building toward something meaningful.

[No_Go]

That's awesome, so great you met your match on POF!

I was always skeptical about that site because I heard it has more of a hookup-looking crowd, but looking at the questionnarres etc -

it is actually looking quite legit. I'd give it a try for sure.

 

I got lucky and met my GF on POF... I never saw that coming. Most POF girls I dated in the past have, based on my experience, been a bit trashy.

 

It's good to know what you want, but don't stick too firm to it as well. It's often hard to find someone who ticks all your boxes to a tee. Finding someone you have good chemistry with, can trust and rely on is more important than meeting the boxes on your wish list. Just keep an open mind. I did with the girl I was dating back in July and now we're BF GF. It's crazy too because had I kept close to my boxes, we would have never got past the second date. But now we're like 12 dates in (I lost count) and we're building toward something meaningful.

[CoolJoe]

That's awesome, so great you met your match on POF!

I was always skeptical about that site because I heard it has more of a hookup-looking crowd, but looking at the questionnarres etc -

it is actually looking quite legit. I'd give it a try for sure.

 

It certainly can't hurt! As always, there's always a hook up crowd and then always some diamonds in the rough. It doesn't hurt to try once in a while. You never know where you might meet your next guy.

[No_Go]

Thank Cookies. I'm 32, to be 33 in few weeks. I'm also a biologist by background which means I've read waaaaay too many articles about genetic defects and infertility related to maternal age. I'm not in an extreme rush and will be ok with just one kid, but say if I'm not ready to at least start trying by 35 (so 2 years from now), I'd go ahead and freeze eggs or use a donor.But2 years is not that of a short timescale I think, so I wouldn't want to announce it to a guy that I'm just starting to date as an urgent matter.

 

Actually good idea to set a FB profile just for dating. I'd do that. OKCupid is a no go right now because my summer guy is still there and makes me anxious (to keep checking him up :lmao:). eHarmony: my long-term ex is there and I'm dreading to 'match' with him again. Maybe I should just explore blocking options...

 

IRL for me is very hard, because I'm kind of a loner, introvert, so I spend my time at work (I'm afraid to date coworkers... thinks has gone badly in the past, home/garden (by myself), hiking (usually by myself), city strolling (usually alone as well), meeting one-on-one with friends. I'm thinking to go to a Meetup, have you tried that? For me it will be a hiking/nature one so it should be benign.

 

Age range: I've dated much older guy (46 when I was 27) and it was a pain because he wanted to be dominant and thought he 'knows it all' because he's older. Younger guy I've never dated, I had a 29 year old bf when I was 29 myself and he would bitch all the time we're not going out, I'm sure that's not everyone but IME guys under 30 are rarely willing to settle. So I'm targeting 30s, ideally mid 30s...

 

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. But I think that you are beliefs may be limiting you. Right now I see you want and intellectual man who likes to stay in a lot versus going out. Not unreasonable at all. However, not dating a man who own their own home is probably a bigger challenge and something that can be alleviated through compromise.Don't discount men who are younger men or older either if that's not a deal breaker either. There are younger men who are introverted who want to settle down and start a family too.

 

No go, aren't you like 31? I don't think you need to be in such a rush unless you want several kids. Obviously, if you want children younger I can understand that. Just preselect men who are walking a similar path as you. Date guys who want to settle down and start a family. So no guys that are "whatever happens, happens" If it is extremely urgent for you, you should have a timeline. Such as date and if the man does not want to married and start a family after a year or so, waste no more time. He should know by then if those are his goals.

 

 

I have seen very successful relationships come from tinder and bumble. Setting up a Facebook just to use it is not even setting up a Facebook at all. You do not need it to put any pictures or any personal information except for your date of birth and first name. I understand if you still do not want to do this ,but it does limit your options. Your best shot would be to implement all options. Apps, free sits , paid sites, "real life"... everything! And why not OK Cupid? It's a good one.

 

Anyway, best of luck and have fun on your new adventure back to dating!

Edited October 14, 2017 by No_Go

[Gaeta]

Does my case sound hopeless? I feel like I'm trapped by the circumstances.

 

Also, I'm still a bit upset from the summer fail start... So I'm willing to do very extensive pre-selection to avoid similar situations. But how? I can't find a site with very extensive questionnairre except OKC and eHarmony but I'm not logging there for logistic reasons. Match didn't work out for me so I cancelled my account. Bumble, Tinder etc I feel like are targeted towards FB users - I despise social media and haven't updated my profiles/pictures from good 5-10 years... and don't plan to, rendering FB connected sites unusable. Is POF the only one left?

 

No_go, No_go, No_go: Stop putting so many restrictions on who to meet. Just go with your gut feeling. If the man is stimulating you than who cares if he has a house or not or if he lives down the streets or across town.

 

Forget about the usefulness of those sites with matches. I remember using oKcupid and some man was my 95% match but when we met he was the most boring man ever!

 

You also don't need to date your image in the mirror. I would not want to date a man that's the masculine version of me. It nice to have someone that complement us and all of our short-comings.