Zolatola Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Fear got you into this mess. Fear will keep you here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) Like both IC's have said, "this one is for the books." We were friends first. Said I love you months before anything physical. I have no doubt of his intentions. His wife petitioned for divorce yesterday. It's horrid love story. One that takes bigger balls than I have! Out of my pay grade. I had no idea how twisted up my mind and heart would get. With all due respect, your affair is complicated because of the number of people involved, the spouses and children that will be hurt by the betrayal. You will probably disagree, but I'm not sure that there is anything particularly unique that would make this affair "one for the books." Read these boards and you will see some pretty outrageous stories... Your affair is a fairly typical relationship that developed when two people made some poor decisions and crossed some inappropriate boundaries. A lonely, unhappy wife met a selfish and manipulative man who earned her trust by offering friendship that then progressed to a physical relationship... and now, it's a tangled mess... I agree with BP, you created this situation by the decisions you made. You can try to place the blame on your affair partner saying that he was jealous and manipulated you into the relationship, but at the end of the day you were the one who said "Yes, let's do this." You were the one who chose to hurt your husband, your children, your parents, and yourself by engaging with another man... If I was in your position, I think I would be tempted to walk away from both men and find myself... Because, it feels like it's fair to say that you've lost your way... You don't know where you should be so maybe it's time to focus on your kids, find your own joy, and then see what the world looks like... Edited July 22, 2017 by BaileyB 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ren2108 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 In a perfect world yes that sounds ideal. I'd like to disappear for awhile. Unfortunately too many people need me. Idk about ditching everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 In a perfect world yes that sounds ideal. I'd like to disappear for awhile. Unfortunately too many people need me. Idk about ditching everyone. Well, your kids need you and you have a responsibility to them. Some distance from these men may help to clear your mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 In a perfect world yes that sounds ideal. I'd like to disappear for awhile. Unfortunately too many people need me. Idk about ditching everyone. No, you don't ditch your KIDS. You live singly for awhile and figure out what your core values are and what you want to role-model for your kids. Those kids you are afraid of hurting? You're hurting them. Really hurting them by carrying on this nonsense. I'm one of those one that "knows from experience." My father was an adulterer. We don't speak much anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Ren2018, You need to either $hi£ or get off the pot. Your story is the same as the majority of cheaters in that you don't want to choose because you want both men. You want the security that your H gives you but at the same time you want the excitement that your AP gives you. You have criticised your AP for being manipulative but, by not choosing, you yourself are exercising a form of manipulation and control. Again, in common with most cheaters you seek gratification without consequence or loss. Your first priority in all this should be the well-being of your kids. Maybe you should start there? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ren2108 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 Yep- pretty much. Went have cut off numerous times to no avail. AP wants me set him free. I said I'm not holding you captivity. He wants me to kill him Off to not have any guilt hanging over his head. Somehow easier for him in his own mind or something. I said he can set himself free if he wants Love is easy and deep with AP. Hard and superficial with H right now. No passion obvi. Standard affair blowback Shiz. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 Yep- pretty much. Went have cut off numerous times to no avail. AP wants me set him free. I said I'm not holding you captivity. He wants me to kill him Off to not have any guilt hanging over his head. Somehow easier for him in his own mind or something. I said he can set himself free if he wants Love is easy and deep with AP. Hard and superficial with H right now. No passion obvi. Standard affair blowback Shiz. Sounds healthy. So you sit in the middle eating cake and getting both of them to "pick-me dance" for you while you act "confused." Is this what a responsible spouse, parent or adult in general does. If there's no future with either one, you cut them loose. If you can't be a sane and stable parent for your kids, you get out of their way and support them financially. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ren2108 Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) I told OM today that he should find out from his wife if it's too late for any chance. She filed and I'm still stuck in a guilty fog either way. I could tell he's been upset past few days with pressures from her petition. He wasn't happy with me but he's not happy with me in stasis either. He started to blame me for where's he's at but I said you can't blame me. We have all made choices in this mess. I didn't force you to do any Of it. He said I'd literally have to tell him to F off for him to leave. Which he said I did today but I didn't literally. He's been my Best friend for a long time. I cried with him. I feel like I'd be even a bigger ahole to have him not know 100% if she'd reconsider if we ended. What if I can never get there? Or forced to get there because my H files..... I'm heartbroken. We truly have massive love for each other but D is sh*t with 8 kids involved.. I also feel bad for screwing his wife's life up. I don't think he feels bad for same. He just wants me but maybe with less regard on damages. Just that he's so in love that I guess that trumps the rest. I know I destroyed my H. Completely blowing up the life he helped create for the kids and I hurts even more. More without even a chance to R. I don't feel like mentioning anything to H at this point. I'll probably have to deal with angry texts and or emails from OM. Idk what I am going to do with myself. The urge to reach out. I've known and been friends for over 4 years. Much shared life. I hate this. SOS. He tells me, "how does it feel to know that someone will always be madly in love with you in the universe?" F**k am I crazy?! Edited August 16, 2017 by Ren2108 Link to post Share on other sites
ztmymmy Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 He tells me, "how does it feel to know that someone will always be madly in love with you in the universe?" F**k am I crazy?! Yes..... Nothing you've described about your situation seem unique and you just sound like immature teenagers .You seem to be confusing limerence and excitement of the forbidden with love. But really, tarot cards?You let your AP convince you that your husband doesn't deserve you?Well actually, he is right.Your Husband and the other wife both deserve better.Let them move on.They have suffered enough.You and your AP will probably not last, but that doesn't mean you get to keep coming back to your spouses as back up plans. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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