Mycatsnuggles Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) It's a schock my mind hasn't quite comprehended yet. Did he know he had it? I know it's possible he didn't know, does his wife have it? I assume yes unless he reall told the truth about limited sex and condoms always. We talked about histories and std's. --- So now what? Anyone have experience with hpv. Waiting for my biopsy results and thinking I should tell him. I don't like the idea of sending an email but I believe this is the best way. Gives him an opportunity to think of the answer he wasn't to provide not just the standard denial. Does it even matter - most likely the denial will come followed by the claim that I'm a ******** who brought this in. I don't have my biopsy results yet I get a chance. To tell ap or no. My karma go ahead and gloat. But I'm hoping a few have practical advices Edited July 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
magnesium Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) Wait for definitive biopsy results before you take any sort of action regarding the AP. Not to blast you in any way...but... the guy cheated on his wife, he clearly can't be trusted. Would you trust this guy to be honest with you about admitting to having herpes if he knows he had it? He is already lying to his wife via lying by omission. What makes you think he won't lie to you? Look at these facts: 1. he cheated on his wife 2. he may have infected you with herpes. What would bullet point #3 be? I would guess it is lies and denial. Don't send the email. That will give him time to make up his side of the story. If you do confront him do it in person, and observe his body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, etc. his words won't mean much, but his body-language will say more. Edited July 19, 2017 by magnesium 2 Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 2. he may have infected you with herpes. HPV is not herpes 7 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Not gloating but pointing out that he will lie and cheat to his BW. So why is he going to be honest about STD's and that besides his BW you are the only side piece he is banging? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that many guys will know that they have hpv. When my guy was tested for STD's last summer the doctor told him that they didn't test for hpv, if he had it I would likely learn that during my Pap smear. It is, in fact, the most common std - so common that most people will have it at some time in their lives and many will not even know it because the body clears the infection after a while. The only time people usually know they have hpv is if (not when) they develop symptoms. I'm sorry that you have this worry, but let's not lose perspective. And, just because I have to say it... If you are worried about STD's, it's best not to take the risk and expose yourself by sleeping with married men... Edited July 19, 2017 by BaileyB 5 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Why do you think hes the one who gave it to you? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that many guys will know that they have hpv. When my guy was tested for STD's last summer the doctor told him that they didn't test for hpv, if he had it I would likely learn that during my Pap smear. It is, in fact, the most common std - so common that most people will have it at some time in their lives and many will not even know it because the body clears the infection after a while. The only time people usually know they have hpv is if (not when) they develop symptoms. I think you're slightly mixing up hpv and hsv? At least I've heard most people technically have hsv and it's the most common std but that it's asymptomatic in most people so they never know, it's impossible to tell unless you have an outbreak or you do a blood test that most doctors refuse to do because they don't want to burden people with the knowledge of "having an STD" if they don't have it in any meaningful sense. But iirc men generally don't show symptoms for hpv either so they often don't know about it. Not sure, there's probably someone here with more recent expertise in sex ed than me And, just because I have to say it... If you are worried about STD's, it's best not to take the risk and expose yourself by sleeping with married men... Some people believe married men are the safest ones to sleep with because they wrongly think they'll have had fewer sexual partners... Condoms, kids! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Nope, not mixing them up. Here is a resource from cdc. https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Hpv lies dormant for years and won't show up on a pap unless there are irregular cells. Now they test for hpv with the pap but they don't always have sufficient cells to test (I know for the last few years, my pap results always came back inclusive on the hpv test because there wasn't a good enough sample.) So bottom line, you cannot pinpoint that it was MM unless he is the only person you have ever slept with. But... now for sure his wife has it. HPV and herpes are both STDs that can be transferred even with condoms. And I mean.... at the point we are doing oral, does condoms even matter anymore except to prevent pregnancies? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 As this is the infidelity forum I am confused. Are you an OW who think her MM gave her hpv while having an affair with you? Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 If you are NC, I wouldn't contact him- nothing good will come of it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) OP, Are you sure it was him? Considering about 70% of the US population has HPV, I would just make sure you can prove it was him before you going sending emails. This is a quote from the link above: "HPV is so common that nearly all sexually active people get it at some point in their lives." I would just make sure you can prove that allegation first. Edited July 19, 2017 by OneLov 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 It's a schock my mind hasn't quite comprehended yet. Did he know he had it? I know it's possible he didn't know, does his wife have it? I assume yes unless he reall told the truth about limited sex and condoms always. We talked about histories and std's. --- So now what? Anyone have experience with hpv. Waiting for my biopsy results and thinking I should tell him. I don't like the idea of sending an email but I believe this is the best way. Gives him an opportunity to think of the answer he wasn't to provide not just the standard denial. Does it even matter - most likely the denial will come followed by the claim that I'm a ******** who brought this in. I don't have my biopsy results yet I get a chance. To tell ap or no. My karma go ahead and gloat. But I'm hoping a few have practical advices A guy Who Is lying and cheating why would he tell you about std he has and then is passing it along . yes his ans most likely will be he does not have it..and who knows where you picked it up from . From what stand point were you expecting he was going to pass that information on ...from a moral stand point So advice is get your self checked/treated and hopefully you will pass the info along to whom ever you decide to date in future ...it is a gift that keeps giving Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Who knows he may have given it to his wife too from other women he's been having sex with. He knew he had it if he gave it to his wife. Either way there is nothing to suggest to you but wait for the test results and follow the doctors orders. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 It's a schock my mind hasn't quite comprehended yet. Did he know he had it? I know it's possible he didn't know, does his wife have it? I assume yes unless he reall told the truth about limited sex and condoms always. We talked about histories and std's. --- So now what? Anyone have experience with hpv. Waiting for my biopsy results and thinking I should tell him. I don't like the idea of sending an email but I believe this is the best way. Gives him an opportunity to think of the answer he wasn't to provide not just the standard denial. Does it even matter - most likely the denial will come followed by the claim that I'm a ******** who brought this in. I don't have my biopsy results yet I get a chance. To tell ap or no. My karma go ahead and gloat. But I'm hoping a few have practical advices I am confused. Your STD protection was based on the MM and the BW using condoms/abstinence? Where exactly was your role/responsibilty? Is it wise to rely on others to "follow thru" on the protocol whilst ours consist of not being encumbered by such "rules of engagement"? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 OP as I understand it from reading a couple of your past threads, you are also married and sexually active with your husband. If that is still the case the person you most need to tell is your husband. Why are you most concerned about the MM and what he knows and doesn't know. Your husband has to be told. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 OP as I understand it from reading a couple of your past threads, you are also married and sexually active with your husband. If that is still the case the person you most need to tell is your husband. Why are you most concerned about the MM and what he knows and doesn't know. Your husband has to be told. If this is true, you can't say with certainty that your mm gave you HPV. It could have been your husband or any other man with whom you have been sexually active. Furthermore, he could have gotten it from any other woman he has slept with, including his wife who may not know she has it if she hasn't had an abnormal pap or any other symptoms. In fairness, you should stop worrying about how you got it such that you can place blame... and tell both men, so that anyone who needs medical treatment can get the treatment they need (especially, his wife). But remember... not all forms of HPV are the dangerous cancer causing forms. But, everyone in this tangled mess deserves to know what's happening... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 If one has slept with more than one person, they've been exposed to HPV. There's absolutely no way in telling if he gave it to you, infact you may have already had it & exposed him & now his wife. So if I were you, I wouldn't be so quick to say "he gave it to you". You can get HPV even with a condom & it can stay dormant for years. It's sucks but this isn't something you can nail him on, all you can do is use better judgment in your life. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
magnesium Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 HPV is not herpes thanks for correcting me. I made an error in my post. Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) Nine years ago when I became single I made sure that every yearly Gyno for PAP included a complete blood workup for any transmitted diseases. Note I did not define sexual. Any as in all. I do this for my health, and anyone that I come in contact with. Because I am not playing the HPV/STD blame game. HPV is very common, and I have never tested positive for it. So if it shows up in my A, it's not falling on me. Edited July 19, 2017 by Doublegold Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I dont think its a nad std some people are born with it? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 It's a schock my mind hasn't quite comprehended yet. Did he know he had it? I know it's possible he didn't know, does his wife have it? I assume yes unless he reall told the truth about limited sex and condoms always. We talked about histories and std's. --- So now what? Anyone have experience with hpv. Waiting for my biopsy results and thinking I should tell him. I don't like the idea of sending an email but I believe this is the best way. Gives him an opportunity to think of the answer he wasn't to provide not just the standard denial. Does it even matter - most likely the denial will come followed by the claim that I'm a ******** who brought this in. I don't have my biopsy results yet I get a chance. To tell ap or no. My karma go ahead and gloat. But I'm hoping a few have practical advices You don't know if he's cheated before or has another OW on the side. Obviously you were clean before this so it had to come from him. Or maybe his wife is having an affair too his wife and gave him something which he passed on to you. You owe him the truth. There's a chance he has no idea. It would be pretty crappy (and illegal I think) to have sex with you knowing full well he has an STD. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 OP as I understand it from reading a couple of your past threads, you are also married and sexually active with your husband. If that is still the case the person you most need to tell is your husband. Why are you most concerned about the MM and what he knows and doesn't know. Your husband has to be told. Or your husband has passed it onto you and isn't aware that he has this. Maybe he's having an affair as well. Either way now the truth has to come out. It would've been easier if you had posted this info (that you were married) in your opening post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I dont think its a nad std some people are born with it? NO, people are not born with Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). It is a STD. https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Ok everyone has HPV and most of the time it's not a big deal. (I don't literally mean everyone, it's just really common). It's impossible to tell if MM was responsible for it but it's definitely not serious enough to contact him about it. Trust me, you'll be fine. If you'd like more personal information and my experience, feel free to message me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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